damn it :((

im disappointed in myself. im so laaaaaaaaaame.

i feel so useless.

im always thinking "what if--?"

sayang talaga. ang daming mga bahay na di ko dapat ginawa, sinabi. ang dami kong hindi ginawa, sinabi.

too many regrets :(

i really think so.

you dont think about what other's feel. you only think that you should be pitied. you should be prioritized. you should be special.

well, i've got two words for you.

YOU'RE WRONG.

i may be showing this strong facade, but deep inside im crumbling.

i may not seem to be an easily-influenced person, but in all honesty i care what others are saying and i get too conscious about it.

i may not be your best friend, but i assure you we ARE friends.

i may act all high and mighty, but actually i have an inferiority complex.

i may be plastic, but im only being human.

i may not want to answer your questions, but it's because i dont know the answers completely myself.

i may seem to always know what i am doing, but really, im confused about how the world turns, even as much as you do.

i may try to befriend others, but i always feel alone. [doesnt make sense, huh?]

i may suck at things, but at least i do try.

i may be a bad actress, but at least some people appreciate the fact that i tried to save their asses.

i may be stuck with you, but i dont know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

im scared of all the possibilities that may or may not happen. im scared of the future. i want to be strong. i NEED to be strong. for in this world we live in the strong shall live and the weak shall die.

i dont wanna die. i cant let myself die. neither will i die for you.

but im willing to live to protect and be with you.

&3&

oha. some are facts. some are fiction. guess nyo na lang :)

clue: mas marami yung facts ;]

okay lang sakin kahit mabasa mo.

o diba? mas nagiging OPEN na ako =)

&3&

im happy. like, real happy. got to see my friends yesterday.

kahit nabarya ng tig-50 yung napakalutong kong sanlibo.

worth it naman.

napasaya ko naman din ang b2d sa large fries & 3 sachets ng ketchup.

ahahahahahaha.

&3&

moved ang swimming.

dahil pyesta kanila em-em sa tuesday :)

monday na ang swimming :) yey!

a day earlier!

&3&

hectic ang sked this week.

saturday[tomorrow na pala to] - 9am - practice with choir sa chapel

sunday - mass. tugtog ako :( fiesta sa pulo. our family could care less. mother's day. we're going out. nuod daw hopefully ng iron maaaaaaaaan :D

monday - swimming ng b2d

tuesday - fiesta kanila heng-heng. punta ng primavera!

wednesday - death anniv ni lolo pedro. parade ng kalabaws. offer sa 5.30pm mass sa san isidro.

thursday - fiesta sa pulilan. house blessing dun :)

friday - practice choir again :|

&3&

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. needa hurry. early pa ako tomorrow

but because of some certain stupid brother. ugh. damn. this is why i dont like it when they're here :(

anyway, let's not let him consume this entry.

tomorrow is the day! yey!

sana there'll be lots to come. [excitement resourfaces sunddenly]

maaaaan. cant believe it. kelan ba kami last nagkita-kita. parang...super tagal naaaaaaaaaa. goodness.

hahaay. so im guessing it wont be the same as what was back then. haha. pero we all stayed in touch naman e. so i hope it wont be awkward :D

sana the trip to ate's place will be fun and safe. it's just sooooo sad :(( really. gawd. haaaay. well. i do know how it feels to lose someone you love so much.

and to think lolo's death anniv will only be a week from now. so that's like. NEAR. haha.

&3&

sucker! dang. i dont have any load. hindi na ako unli. ayoko na ring manghingi ke ina :(( help me people! send me load. kahit 25 lang. ok na. haaaaaaaaaaay. DESPERATE NA!

super dami na ng nagtetext saken. pati si ano na ang dalang na akong itext ngayon biglang nag'hi'. di ko mareplyan. hahaha. sorry na lang. e wala akong load e.

ugh. tapos ang kelangan talagang mareplayan is pic. errrrrrrrrr. needa, needa, needa, NEEDA!

ayon. so na-burn ko na yung cd for pic. pero sucks na naman :( i was trying to add the studio versions of David Cook's Always Be My Baby and The Music of The Night and Carly Smithson's Without You.

PERO AYAW.

darn it. bakit kaya? so. yung live version na lang nung always be my baby yung nalagay ko. argh. sorry pic :( i'll let you down. sorry sorry sorry talaga.

&3&

im actually quite happy today.

 kinda.

got a new manicure and a pedicure.

PEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

i didnt know na the claret would be this DARK pag 2 coats. so now it looks like red. errrrrrr. e gusto ko hot pink tulad nung yesterday. diba? mas okay yun. para kamatch talaga yung ka-alternate nya na purple.

pink. purple kasi yung fingernails ko. hrrrrrrr.

hahahah. i could rant on and on about my nails all night long. but i wont waste your time that much. haha.

i was so keen on enrolling already. i was scared that i was the only one left who hasnt enrolled yet. but the thing is.

KONTI PA LANG DAW NAGEENROL.

so i just gave the school more cash to spend to build the quadrangle. dang.

&3&

now :D im advicing people to just enrol on june 4. tihihi.

so the school wouldnt be able to pay for the construction works. yipee!

hmm. school mates! if you get to read this and you havent enrolled yet, i advice you not to do so just yet.

hahaha.

BABANGON TAYO AT DUDURUGIN ANG

ST. PAUL!

=))

but i cant sleep just yet.

i know it's still a bit early, but im tired. i've been out this morning and it was really HOT.

took a toll on my laaaaaaaaazy body again. i so prefer being under the sun in sagada than here. haha.

i cant sleep yet too 'cause we've got a wake to attend to. my dentist's brother-in-law was shot yesterday. so we have to go there since tito manny[my dentist's dad] is a really good friend of my dad and his whole family. so yeah. and they're REAL good people.

it's so saaaaaaad really :(

i mean, with 3 small kids? what's gonna happen now? well, the mom is still there. but, without the dad?

good thing her parents are great people. and they're pretty blessed in the financial department.

may his soul rest in peace.

&3&

ate's lolo's soul too :(

why're there sooooooooooo many dead people nowadays anyway?

&3&

so tomorrow. the making of the banderitas got cancelled. dunno why. i could also care less. haha. mean! i know.

so we're planning to just go to ate's. then micky dees. and then go gallivanting somewhere. dont know where. it really sucks that there's no arcade in this town. and the next :(

i hope the construction of the mall gets done already. so b2d can bond easier! and a whole lot more FUN!

Last friend you:
1. Saw:  ate gelie. sa puregold. haha

2. Talked to on the phone: mumay!

3. Texted: pic :)

4. Messaged over friendster:  er, i dont really remember anymore. im not much into friendster since i've used multiply

5. IMed: hm, labs?

Today:
1. Wearing: orange shorts and knitted spaghetti-strapped tee

2. Better than yesterday?:  definitely

Tomorrow:
1. Is:  wednesday :D

2. Got any plans: er, i dont know. i wanna go to ate's lolo's wake. sad, i know :(

3. Dislikes about tomorrow: errrrr, i wanna go! i wanna go see my friends. but i dont wanna go. BECAUSE.

Favorite:
1. Number: 13

2. Season: i dont have a favorite. anything goes :)

Currently:
1. Missing someone: not just someone. im missing LOADS of people right now

2. Mood: blah.

3. Wanting: a Yamaha acoustic piano. like, NOW. ok lang kahit hindi grand. anything will do. basta yamaha na acoustic!

Q&A:
Q: First thing you did this morning
A: look at the time

Q: Last thing you ate:
A: pandesal with butter filling =)) hiningi kay diko

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?:
A: oh yeah *rolls eyes*

Q: What's annoying you right now?:
A: me and my fickle-mindedness. oh and THAT.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: vantage point. last night. SUPER COOL.

Q: Who'd you see it with?
A: my family. except kuya.

Q: What mall did you last go to?
A: cant remember. north edsa yata

Q: With whom?
A: my family. still no kuya :D

Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?:
A: somehow, yeah.

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now:
A: yeah. si lolo ni ate. so sad :(

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: sa st. paul high school building. azar tlga si mrs. errrrrrr.

Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?:
A: shuddup

Q: Do you have any siblings?:
A: i've got two :(

Q: Do you smile often?:
A: people tell me i do

Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you?
A: i guess so. hopefully

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: no

Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: i believe

Q: Whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A: my parents' ;p

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: ORANGE

Q: What were you doing at 12 last night?:
A: zzzzzzzzzzzing.

Q: When is the last time you saw your dad?:
A: this morning

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A:next question

Q: Do you get angry easily?
A: noooooooooooo

Q: What was your last thought before you went to sleep last night?
A: 'imma buy a prepaid card tomorrow' haha. seriously.

Q: What are you about to do?
A: go to the toilet ;p

Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
A: nope

Q: Would you say that most people who first meet you, like you?
A: er, seems like it :D

&3&