(I bid farewell, my froggy frog frog...)

     Wherever you are right now, I hope that you are experiencing paradise. It was just some hours ago that i met you, then, i killed you. At first, I was so hyped that i'm going to dissect my first frog. I "pheated" you slowly, in order for you to get paralyzed and not give me problems when dissecting you. I sliced your skin then started opening you. I slowly cut your "fascia," which connect your skin to your muscles. I opened you with control. When your insides were already visible, my teacher came and watched how skillfully i mounted my scissors on your muscles. But then, my teacher commented and that made me feel bad. She didn't comment about what I did to you. She didn't comment about the tools I used, but instead, she commented about your age. "Lester, you caught a baby frog. What I mean is it's newly developed from being a tadpole." The horror~ The horror!

     I know it's too late to say sorry to what I did. And worst of all, I didn't give you a proper burial. Even though your insides were about to fall from your body, I still placed you inside a jar. But that doesn't stop from there, I drowned you with formalin and a part of water. I'm cruel. And my conscience is starting to attack me.

     I know that we'll meet someday. And that someday is on tuesday of next week. Wherever your soul maybe, may it rest in peace. I prayed for your death. And i'm really sorry. May this serve as a tribute, for a frog, who was once a tadpole.

     Well, that’s not my only problem right now.  It’s about that stupid NAT (Nursing Aptitude Test). I feel really stupid not answering those questions correctly. Accountancy (or maybe MIS), here I come.  Another problem is that Filipino choral recitation. By luck, I got to be the leader of my section. That means that I did everything concerning the presentation. I was really enthusiastic at first, but when I finished teaching the steps and voice dynamics, I felt dead beat. How did this become a problem? It’s just that I did my best creating (Well maybe some. Thanks to Karlo the great, for his influence and yadayada) those steps and what I get is “Ang bilis masyado.” Can’t they just say something that can soothe my aching psyche? It’s a shame we people created euphemisms yet not many use them. All I’m asking for is a simple “okay na sya.” That alone can lift my spirit. But no, I didn’t get even a simple “K.”

     Lastly, I’m having a problem with our English paper. It’s totally unscientific. Its title seemed like it was just created by getting terms from the dictionary, scrambling it to get a highly technical sound, and then submitted it to our teacher. And now, I’m suffering its grasp. I learned that one should use words properly, so that they will not do something against you. In my case, it’s too late. I guess it’s already payback time for those words I used.

     Want to know more about my crappy life? Dial 991-5954. The phone line is open to serve you. Long distance charges still apply. But I assure you, you will not get the best operator around. I employed my 2 years-old brother to answer every incoming call. If you don’t want to be insane, just don’t call. But you can call if you want too. Ciao. I have nothing more to say.

    ROBELLE... happy bday...

    happy bday... and a happy bday...

    Sorry if i can't say those words personally...

    Kaya eto nalang, isang entry just for you... hihihi

    Miss ya.. Miss all...

     Ilang beses na rin siguro akong pinaulanan ng malas dito sa mundo. May mga pagkakataon na natutumba ako sa kalye dahil sa napakalayo ng aking iniisip. Mayroon ring mga panahon na bigla nalang akong tatamaan ng lahat ng mga bagay na lumilipad mula sa ere. Tulad nalang ng nahulugan ako ng ipot ng ibon tatlong beses sa isang araw. Labas nga eh parang “breakfast”, “lunch” and “dinner” ang skedyul ng mga sunod-sunod na pag-ipot sa akin. May isang beses rin na kung saan sumabog nalang ng bigla ang kompyuter ko sa aking harapan. Kung iisipin mo, mas malala pa yata ako kay “Mr. Bean” kung ikukumpara kami. Pero buti pa si “Mr. Bean”, hindi minamalas sa isang sitwasyon na kung saan ako ay pinakamalas: Sa Pag-ibig.

     Aaminin ko, isa ako sa mga pakawala sa lipunan ng mga lalake. Ako ay isang torpe. Isa ako sa mga lalakeng hindi tinatabalan ng kahit anong uri ng panulak. Mapa-“Torpe Song No. 5” pa yan o “May chance ka naman eh” ay walang kwenta sa akin. Marami akong kaibigang babae, at lahat sila nagsasabi na paano ko raw malalaman kung hindi ko susubukan. Napakahirap kasi kung panliligaw na ang pag-uusapan. 
            
     Bakit kasi kailangan pang manligaw. Hindi ba sapat ang pagpapalagayan nalang ng loob at bigla mo nalang masasabi na ang relasyon nyo ay “more than friends” na? Bakit kasi ang raming ritwal sa mundo natin. Bakit kasi kailangang gumawa ka ng mga bagay na naayon sa kultura kung saan ka napapabilang. Minsan, naiisip ko nalang na ang ating kultura ay andyan lamang para maging “safe zone” natin sa panahon ng trahedya. Tulad nalang na kung sa pananamit, ang gamitin mo ay yung T-shirt at pantalon para hindi ka maturingang jologs o kaya naman ay fashionista.  Siguro isang bagay lang talaga ang nakikita ko sa sitwasyong ito: Ako ay malas rin sa kultura.

     Napakamalas ko nga talaga sa mundo. Pero may tanong pa rin na pilit humihingi ng kasagutan. Bakit pa ako ipinanganak kung puro kamalasan lang naman ang nakukuha ko?

     Napaka-negative naman ng iniisip ko. Hayaan mo na, sa ganitong paraan, napapatunayan ko na kaya masayang mabuhay ay dahil sa malas. Dahil kasi kapag may kamalasan, nakikita mo ang kagandahan. Ang galing talaga ng diyos.

     Ito na siguro ang plano sa akin ng Diyos. Single and unlucky for Life.

     Aba'y christmas na pala ngayon. Ang babaw ko talaga. Buti na nga lang eh maraming nag-text sa akin na bumati ng masayang pasko. Ang lakas pala ng epekto ang hindi pag-alis sa aking kwarto ng dalawang araw, di mo namamalayan ang araw. Kahit papaano, napatunayan ng mga text na may nakapapansin pala sa aking kaugukan at kabalbalan sa ibabaw ng mundong ito. Sa lahat ng nagtext, maraming salamat at sana'y mas maging masaya ang pasko nyo kaysa sa akin. (If i know, nagtext lang ang iba dyan dahil gustong humingi ng regalo. Sige, pagbibigyan ko ang mga nagtext dahil lang sa regalo. Punta kayo ngayon sa bahay at may libre kayong isang malagkit at mabasabasang HALIK mula sa aking puso... additional hugs pa...)

   "Maybe christmas doesn't come from a store... Maybe christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more..." Famous line yan ni Grinch. Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, siya yung tauhan na ginawa sa pamamagitan ng pagpatung-patong ng mga unan, tinahian ng mga makakapal na balahibo at isinawsaw sa kulay berde na pangkulay kaya naging sira. Back to the line. Tama nga si Grinch na hindi talaga galing sa tindahan ang pasko. Pero kahit ano pang sabihin niya, I want presents. So ano nga ba ang wish ko sa paskong ito? Maghintay ka, bibigyan kita ng listahan.

Wish #1: Lap Top. Kahit "notebook" lang man ng ASUS. Kontento na ako dun. Basta huwag lang yung binebenta sa banketa.

Wish #2: I-pod Nano. Yung mini version ng I-Pod. (Kaya nga nano diba?)

Wish #3: Flat screen monitor. Yung plasma ha. The fatter the better.

Wish #4: Isang library. Ikaw na bahala sa books. Pagtyatyagaan ko nalang. No books about love muna ha. Ayaw ko na lalong mababasag ang puso ko.

Wish #5: House and Lot. Dapat sa loob ng isang subdivision. Yung katapat ng bahay ni Nene ng PBB lang naman ang gusto ko. Wala lang. Type ko lang.

   Iyan ang Top 5 wishes ko this christmas na parang myx top 5 (meron ba nun?). Alam ko na wala kayong pera para maibigay nyo ang mga iyan sa akin. Magiging wishes nalang ang mga iyan habang buhay.

   Napansin ko lang, ang sama ko sa entry na ito ano? Selfish ko talaga...

    Basta, i still have this day to change naman eh. Nakakahiya. Pasko pa naman. As they say, better late than never.

    Merry Christmas to all tsaka sana masaya pasko nyo. ^^

    And don't be selfish tulad ko ha. ^^

       Burials make me cry. Not because I see someone saying goodbye but because I see myself. I know that someday, I will see my body, being buried six feet under the ground. I wonder, "What kind of mutilation will my body experience to become a rich fertilizer?" It has been five months and what was once with form is now undergoing an attack of the creep. Bacteria attack, worms navigate their way in and the dead gradually turns into a good supply of fertilizer. Should we allow our bodies experience another form of slow torture? Cremation would be the suitable answer for this problem. I am not anti-burial, but I am against the maiming of this body and the suffering of other people just because of my usage of land and the preparation of my body.
            Fertilizers are good sources of nutrients for the land in order for life to grow. I believe that fertilizers can aid the growth of much life. But it takes a lengthy process before an organic material aid the living. In this organic material, we belong. Someday, we will become very helpful fertilizers. But I deem that before we become useful, we kill many on the process. And the only way to stop this killing is for us to be cremated. Ashes are better than fertilizers.
            Cremation is the process in which a dead body is burned until all parts are turned into ashes. These ashes are then placed inside containers. With these, less land will be occupied. The land reserved for the body, will be able to save millions of lives. The spaces that are supposed to be used for burying can now be used for economic progress. If cremation will be made mandatory, hectares of cemetery can be converted into sources of food for the hungry. Lands can be used to aid the living instead of the dead. I prefer being of help when I am dead and not being a burden. Instead of silent tombs, the land can be used for hospitals and orphanage. It is better to be of help earlier, than be a fertilizer and kill many on the way.
            Being close to the one you love will now be an archaic predicament. Instead of being buried and cutting bonds, cremation can support these bonds. Leaving a person is not that hard, but being left is like living without purpose. With cremation, the sense of existence is still there. This boosts up the spirits of the people left. Instead of lamentation, belonging still prevails. Instead of making others suffer for your loss, we can make them feel right. Are you willing to see someone weep for your demise? I believe that seeing them smile is still the best picture painted.  I can save them from pain’s touch.
            Before a burial, the cadaver is brought to a funeral parlor. In this funeral parlor, the cadaver is prepared. Modifications and beautifications will be done for the final days of the departed. I am not against this but what I dislike is the application of chemicals for the preservation of the body for a short period. I discern that with preservation, many people can see the body in real form before it turns into a helpful fertilizer. I know that it can help others psychologically. But what about those people, who apply formalin and other chemicals to embalm the body. Are they not at risk of dying? The dead can kill the living, and I don’t want this to happen once I am dead. Some may think that if cremation will be made compulsory, what will happen to the people who work in these funeral parlors. They will lose their job with this. But the funeral industry had already adapted. In the past, cremation was viewed as an enemy. But now, the funeral industry has embraced cremation as another opportunity to provide a different level of service to families. So again I return to my point. I do not want those people, who prepare my body take the risk of dying. With the preparation of this body, one-third of there lives are cut short. I want them to enjoy their life to the fullest and not end it with the preparation of my ineffective body.
            Fertilizers can be very useful, but killing others on the process is foolishness. Cremation is the answer. With cremation, lands can be used for the betterment of many people. With cremation, those you leave will not meet pain’s touch. With cremation, we can save people at risk of dying because of the preparation of the body. Now I ask, “Which do you prefer, ashes or fertilizers?”
            Cremation is a very effective way to solve many problems. And on this process, we save lives. I guess that my affiliation for the body’s beauty is valuable.  I do not want to suffer that slow torture, especially when I kill lives on the process.