Destined to Fail

5 years 5 months and 12 days

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 09:17:04 +0000

after 5 years, 5 months and 12 days, ryanlauren has seen it's historic end. isang relasyon na pinagdaanan lahat ng imaginable. what was supposed to be a joke became a memory that will linger in my life until i breathe. nung bago pa lang kami naaalala ko pang sinabi ko sa kanya na "nandito lang ako kahit anong mangyari, hanggang gusto mo at aalis lang ako pag di mo nako kailangan" at unfortunately di na daw niya ako kailangan. i stood by my word and respected her decision kahit na undescribable ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. what have i done to receive this kind of treatment? there is a saying that "you dont love to be loved in return" pero paano yung mga katulad ko na nagbigay ng time at emotional investment? (WTF ganun na lang ba yun???) akala ko siya na. i even asked her to go here para we cen get engaged and arrange plans for our wedding pero all of that gone to waste. hope i can move on.......quickly. mahirap pala pag lahat ng friends mo malayo sayo. yun bang isang inuman niyo lang gagaan na ang pakiramdam mo. namiss ko tuloy lahat ng mga siraulo ng p. gomez. di ko alam kung ano ng susunod sa buhay ko. nawalan na pati ako ng gana magtrabaho pero ok na rin yun. mas busy mas maganda. napaganda pa na 12hrs ang work ko everyday with only 1 rest day. marahil may magsasabing "marami pang iba dyan" totoo yan lalo na dito, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ganon ko siya kamahal. (kung malalaman niyo lang ang mga ginawa niya sa akin eh baka ipako niyo ako sa krus o gawing santo sa pagka-martir). i hope im slowly killing myself and that God takes my life soon................................ before i take it myself.

A week after

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:40:10 +0000

well its been a week at wala pa rin akong work. nadagdagan kami ng bagong housemate at ryan din ang pangalan. so ang laman ng bahay ay 3 ryan at 2 maria ang name. seems nothings going my way here and all roads lead to manila. meron pa rin namang spark ng hope akong pinanghahawakan, ika nga nila "habang may buhay may pagasa". memorable sakin itong pamamalagi ko sa bahay ni kuya (singapore version) sa trabaho lang talaga ako nagka problema because once you get a job here (kahit ano or atleast earning S$1500), ok na ok ka na dito at kahit dito ka na tumira (which also depends kung trip mo ung mga housemates mo kasi imposible na ikaw lang magisa sa house, sa mahal ba naman ng rent dito). in another topic, may itatanong lang sana ako sa mga makakabasa nito: ilang beses ka ba dapat magpatawad? worth it ba maging martir? paano kung more than once ka na niyang niloko? kailan mo ba sasabihin sa sarili mong "tama na, nagmumukha ka ng tanga eh. asa ka ng asa, ambisyon ka ng ambisyon, pero sa kabila ng paghahanda para sa kinabukasan niyo eh sa kangkungan ka pa rin pinulot." naalala ko tuloy si John Lloyd (hi nanay goya) sa Once More Chance, nakabili siya ng fortuner galing dun sa ipon niya para sa kasal nila ni bea, pero wala akong ganung pera, naisip ko lang bigla. hay buhay!!! ruffles for lunch and dinner anyone? tatapusin ko itong entry na ito sa pamamagitan ng mensahe mula sa pinakuna kong blog entry dated March 30, 2006: (seems like cruel sa akin ang month ng march)

In this time of life they say that females are outnumbered by males. So they say that males ought to have 2 or more relationships but What the F*ck bakit may mga babaeng 2 or more ang relationship sa mga lalake? Do you think that infidelity is inherited? In my opinion, the world will be so much easier to live in if we learn to be faithful or in other terms "Stick to one" I know its easier said than done but have you thought of how many lives have perished because they found out that their so called "loveone" is cheating on him/her. What is the thrill behind cheating? maybe its just human nature that we long for a certain "thrill" eventhough we know beforehand that once our gf/bf knows about it "We are dead meat" Alam kong masaya pag ikaw ang nanloloko pero paano na pag ikaw na ang niloloko? The "thrill" that you craved for is now haunting you!!!! Sana lang if we love our gf/bf tell the truth!!! Ang katwiran kasi is "Ayaw ko siyang masaktan kaya ayaw kong sabihin" or "Maaayos pa namin to" F*ck those people who have this for a reason!!!!! Although everybody deserves a second chance, ask yourself "Are you worthy?" "Havent you done enough misery for you partner" Putcha spare him/her of their dignity and tell the f*ckin truth!!! Tama na yung tinaihan mo siya sa ulo maawa kayo sa mga niloloko nyo!!!!! I know God has ways to deal with such monsters!!!! kasi binalasa na Nya ako!!!! Sana lang kung di na kayo masaya or nagsasawa na kayo or nasasakal na, Go ahead and make other peoples day!!!! Sa una lang yan masakit atleast after nun makaka move-on na yung niloko mo!!! Alam kong meron dyan na naghahanap din ng honest at faithful pero ang nangyayari kasi laging opposites ang pinagtatagpo, bihira yung match made in heaven ika nga!!!! Kung sakali mang may magkamali na binasa ito, salamat sayo at sana (kung may ka relasyon ka man) mahalin mo siya ng siya lang at kung ano siya, masarap din ipagmalaki sa mga magiging apo nyo na hindi kayo nagiwanan sa ere hanggang sa maging lolo/lola na kayo. I think its also a big boost to spreading the seeds of honesty and faithfulness. Dont be like someone I know na kung kailan nagpapakabait na, atsaka pa tinorotot!!!! May God bless her soul at sanay huwag siyang sumuko!!!! "Good things come to those who wait"

Alam kong late na ito

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 09:33:04 +0000

it was a black saturday night that i was scheduled to fly to singapore. first time ko lumabas ng pilipinas pero di ako ninenerbyos. sabi ko nga sa nanay , tita at tito ko "ayoko muna kayong makita" which signifies na sana makahanap ako sa singapore ng work. some tips pala if you will be flying as a tourist, pay the travel tax (1620), check in the baggage, pay the terminal fee(750), fill out the embarkation card and then line up to the immigration officer. akala ko pa nga di ako papayagan kasi binalasa nya yung passport ko pero buti na lang lumusot. i arrived at the changi intl airport at around 11:50 pm pero nakaparada yung plane ng mga past 12am na. pagdating ko sa terminal wala pa yung mga friends ko so siyempre txt ako dahil medyo kinakabahan na pero after 10mins dumating na sila. puro right hand drive ang mga sasakyan dito pati mga kalsada completely the opposite ng sa pinas. last tues, inilibot ako ni ate farrah sa harbourfront, orchard at raffles place. nakakatuwa sa orchard, puro pinoy halos S$3.50 ang malaking v-cut at mr chips. i had a taste of food in singapore when i ate the porkchop noodle. parang mabubuhay ka lang dito if you eat seafoods, chinese and japanese food. mc donalds at kfc lang ang western resto dito pero S$5 ang minimum price. naranasan ko dito magsaing sa kaldero, maglaba at magplantsa ng damit pero ok lang din. parang baguio ang climate dito sa gabi super cool. nagbasketball kami once at tinambakan kami ng mga chinese na amoy putok yung iba (yuck nakakahilo) ang tawag namin sa bombay dito ay pot pot (meaning may putok) halos isa lang ang channel na mapapanooran mo dito not unless you understand chinese or mabilis ka magbasa ng english subtitle. kwento ko na lang dito yung iba ko pang mga experiences. ciao ciao

Anong ginawa ko at nagkaganito?

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 04:20:34 +0000

Time has a way of healing, so they say
So why am I still left here cryin'
Caught in these ways of emotion as people stare
I find there's no real place for me to hide
Well I've been trying in vain
Was only fooling myself
With each passing day
The pain still stays the same
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
What more is it that you need
Right now clearly it's not me
With every minute that I gave to you
And the punches that I took from you
Why was there no warning love?
What more is it that you need
Right now Clearly it's not me
Despite everything I did for you
Excused if i'm surprised
The moment that I found out that we were through
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
When everything seems alright
You turn and break my heart
Didn't I deserve your love
It kills me to think of his arms
Wrapped around you now,
Is he better lover than I?
Well I've been trying in vain
Was only fooling myself
With each passing day
The pain still stays the same
Caught you in the arms of another
I've been dying everyday since then
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Caught you in the arms of another
I've found out about you
Time has a way of healing, so they say
So why am I still left here

little brown man

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:34:41 +0000

glad to know you’re feeling better
happy to hear you’ve found your mind
it’s no joke to be living in america
she ain’t friendly to our kind

you’ll always be a second-class citizen
even if you pay your taxes right on time
you struggled so hard to get that green card
working under the table
calling home when you’re able to

little brown man in the land of the giants
little brown woman on the white prairie
hold on to your dollars
don’t go on no shopping spree
you got to save it all for the family

everything’s disposable in the first world
nothing’s indispensable –
you can throw it all away
good food in the garbage
good people in the welfare line
it happens all the time
peaches and apples and grapes
don’t make it all that easy
bacon and eggs everyday can get to be a drag
these fancy slums get cold
when the winter comes
chills you right to the bone
and you wish you were home

little brown man in the land of the giants
little brown woman on the white prairie
hold on to your dollars
don’t go on no shopping spree
you got to save it all for the family

little brown man in the land of the giants
little brown woman on the white prairie
hold on to your dollars
don’t go on no shopping spree
you got to save it all for the family
you got to save your soul for the family

the juicers tourism club

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 12:39:43 +0000

well here we go...... its just unfortunate that my other teammates will not be able to join (TEAM BUILDING nga dapat di ba). they have their own reasons and i guess we'll just have to live with it. if my memory doesnt fail me, wala pa akong team building na sinalihan na kumpleto talaga as in walang absent. this is my last team building and i look forward to enjoy it and i cant believe that im included in the (current) mother of all team buildings....... sana may mag team building naman sa bora (sosyal di ba!!!)

last day of work....... time to move on..... time to grow up (kahit matanda na)..... time to be responsible (future first bago yung motor ko)

ill miss everyone...... bakit pa kasi kailangang mangibang bayan para lang kumita ng sapat?

kung ikaw ang tatanungin: paghahandaan mo ba ang future mo with your family or yung one day at a time lang ang pag handle?

ciao PS see you around!!!!

pahabol:

the WMVAA (Wreck My Virgin Asian Ass)crew wins the 1st Karlos Primero Bitch Volleyball Tournament versus 47 K and the Boxers...... great game guys!!!

Maiden Voyage

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:40:19 +0000

well well well, thanks to a lot of avail time and my increasing curiousity about posting journals (and not to mention the upsell from kid baliw), i now have a tabulas account. hope to enjoy my stay here because i will surely miss the guys at the workplace.