enough mong-kay biz.

my mom is back. she arrived 5:30 am last tuesday. she didn't go home straight and went somewhere else. where else? im sorry if im making it sound like it was bad.. but no. i understand anyway. i understand that she cant be where dad is. well. she doesnt want to see dad. she doesnt want dad to see her. why? she'll only be collecting insults and disgusting comments or whatevers from him. even if the 'children' are around. god. you dont know how much dad enjoys insulting her. you have no idea. you have no idea..

stuff dad says about mom hurts. how he insults her. he fucking treats her like trash.

he has a woman anyway. some ugly woman with a pretty chest. what else would the man want from her? the woman gave birth by the way. yes, i have a half brother. this woman is dad's third, btw. mom's second but it's quite.. decent. legal because his first woman, the mom of my kuya, left him.

mom said she'd fetch me later.. her arrival's a surprise.. more of, not wanting dad to know that she's back. i made dad believe that mom will be back after summer. yes. critical things huh? i keep my mom's secret.. from my dad.

where did my mom come from? fremont, california. why? she wanted to work. when did she go there? january 23 of this year... and now. she. is. back.

i should be happy.. i know i should be. cause hell, she is happy. she was so excited of coming back here. but the problem is her husband. who is my dad. hah.

sigh.. talked to her on the phone yesterday. said that she'll fetch me from school. today, she will. that's what she said. i hope she does.

sorry, magulo ba ako magkuwento?

her friend told me so many things. si mommy, ang laki ng pinayat. she was comparing mom to Palito. my god.. i dunno what to think. i dunno what to say. she is effing thin and pale. and weak.

sometimes i wish i live separately.. with my mom.. since dad's for financial stuff lang, we dont really need him around right? what with his woman and his new baby boy. wow. is that where our money goes?

i learned to be thankful that i am in college and i am down to two years. i will do my best not to screw up and keep it to two years. those two years lang. i might kill myself if i take longer here. time's running.

sigh. anyway.. our house sa blumentritt was bought by a tawi-tawi chinese mayor. yes. dad, being so smart, gave all the furniture and left nothing to his mother... yes, my lola. indeed. my lola. so lola dear asked him nicely if she can have the bed. the bed which she shared with my lolo when he was alive. so what did she fucking get? TEARS.

yes. she ended up crying. lola.. ended up crying. she could have died asking for the bed. she explained that it has a sentimental value to her but dad refused.

this, he said to her: anong sentimental value??!! may sentimental value ka pang nalalaman!! putanginang matanda ka.

wala ako masabi. nangiyak nalang ako sa telepono.

right now im thinking that i am scared even though im not feeling scared. i know what my dad is capable of. he can kill his own mother.. he can even kill my mom. sigh. the friend said that dad almost hit lola's head with a fucking gun. uhm. im thinking that it's daddy's toy gun. he was looking for it last week. i guess it's what he uses to threaten people. but he does have a gun. there are bullets scattered at home.. there are some in my room, maybe. i found one.

i dont know what to do. sigh.

the friend said that she will bring me and my mom to lola's house at abad santos. i told her that people might see me and tell dad. the people there are fucking suck-ups. right now i am not prepared for another fight with dad like last time. he's my dad. the king of TNTs during his japan days. i actually picture him as some well-known criminal underground. people there respect him. or show respect to him.. because he has money? sigh. because he owned that big house and his friend is that mayor? because a mayor's son owes him money? because he has millions? because .. i dont know. i cant think.

because he's a barbaric fucking bastard. people are scared of him because they perfectly know what dad is capable of. his woman, btw? originally, he was courting the woman's younger sister. yes. young, fresh, everything a married man would desire? i dont know. but that sister knows how much of an ass dad is. so she didnt give my dad a chance. dad ends up with the elder sister. the woman with a *great* chest. the woman who wears sleeveless and short shorts like any other low class whore. ah yes, a whore. japayuki daw eh. she gave birth not too long ago.

sigh. the friend said that lola wants to talk to my mom this weekend. and that means that i should be around too.. lola said that she'll confess. she has so much to tell. guess she thinks it's time for her to spill..

it's not only her who knows stuff. the people there know. people there know lots.... except us. the.. i dunno. primary family?

lola's relatives living in bulacan know a lot about this shit. how dad treats her. sigh.. sinumpa na siya ng buong angkan ng lola mo sa garay. yeah. exact words yan ha. the friend saw the woman. she said the woman has a body, that's all. coca cola body. no more.

i have so much to face.. if dad finds out that i know.. i dunno. sometimes i wish he'd have a heart attack and just die.

i am sorry for wishing for my fathers's death. i wish mom had a stable job. so that i wont have to live with dad. i think my sisters will be okay with dad. im sure that they will be taken care of. im sure that they will be safe... but then again. i know what he is capable of. but i know that somewhere in his mind, he wont do anything that will hurt my sisters and my brother. my brother is very attached to me, by the way. he is the only reason why i abandoned my plan of moving to a dorm or condo near school. if i were rich, i would buy a condo unit at quezon avenue or north edsa. i will take my brother and my mother with me. my sisters will be fine with my dad. they will soon be in college anyway.

i dunno anymore..

Wednesday, 8:20 AM.

It was the first morning of their stay.

Eilythia grew restless and decided to have a swim. She's been awake for forty minutes! She opened her Lacoste bag and pulled out a green, one-piece swimsuit. The front looked like the regular bathing suit, but the back part looked somewhat sophisticated.

This is the important thing, the design, the thin, pale girl said to herself.

She likes it so she shall wear it. She changed in the bathroom and wore her bathrobe.

Before leaving, she looked around the room she and her friends are sharing. Phyre was lying on her stomach, still asleep with Bradley- famous for being a not-so-peaceful sleeper. His arm was on Phyre's back and Nemo was squeezed between them.

Eilythia giggled and shifted her gaze. Simon, Drake, and Illuska are not in their beds.

They must have gone for breakfast, she thought to herself.

She turned the knob and jogged to the building's exit. Off she went to the swimming pool.

...

Phyre opened her eyes and frowned.

"Good goddess!" she groaned and moved Bradley's arm away. She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled Nemo closer to her. She inhaled deeply and opened her eyes again.

There she watched how Bradley woke up. He almost dramatically opened his eyes and stretched his arms.

He turned to Phyre and gave her a lopsided grin.

Phyre looked the other way, feeling ashamed of staring.

She got up, grabbed her bath things and went to the bathroom. I'm going out for a swim to distract myself, she decided. She quickly changed into her blue swimsuit, put on a white robe, and headed to the pool.

...

It felt like a thousand years underwater.

"With the sun high up?" Eilythia said underwater, bubbles coming out. She rose to the surface and gasped for air.

She turned around and there she saw a familiar figure.

"Bored?" Stefan smiled. He walked to the bench and sat down, his eyes never leaving her face.

Before she could answer, an intense pain attacked her right foot. She gasped and ran her hands to her foot.

She was sinking. She tried to float but the pain was much stronger than her will. She gasped as she choked on water. Pain crept to her nose and her chest. She wailed, exhaled and wildly kicked up but pain kept her sinking.

Now it really felt like a thousand years underwater until two strong arms lifted her to the surface.

Eilythia opened her mouth like a baby about to receive food from her mother. She shut her eyes close and kept her tears there. Her chest was heaving and hurting. She kept coughing.

"Come on! Let's go!" she heard Phyre command.

Go where? Eilythia thought. Pain decided not to leave her.

And then Eilythia was in a swirl of darkness.

...

"You drowned."

Phyre said it simply. As if it were as simple as reciting the alphabet.

Stefan's cool hand stroke Eilythia's forehead. I should really keep an eye on her, he thought.

"You'll be fine," Phyre sighed.

Eilythia shook her head, willing herself to shake away the thought. She was lying in a white, hospital-like bed. After a few seconds, she realized that she was brought to the infirmary. She pulled the covers up to her chin and.. blinked.

"You drowned," Phyre, again, said.

Eilythia opened her eyes almost dramatically and looked at Phyre and Stefan. She could see worry in his eyes while there's no trace of it in Phyre's. Typical Phyre.

"You drowned," Phyre said again.

"Alright already!" Eilythia snapped weakly, frowning. She sat up slowly with Stefan helping her up.

The clinic door opened loudly announcing Simon's arrival. His cheeks were flushed and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

Simon walked to Eilythia's bed, panting. He lazily collapsed on the foot of the bed.

"I think you're supposed to be the one confined." Stefan smirked. Phyre smiled at this while Eilythia laughed.

"So... I don't need to ask if Eilythia's alright then. Can I have your bed?" Simon asked with a goofy grin on his face.

Phyre stood up, tightening her robe.

"I'm going out for a swim," she announced and turned to leave.

"What? You will? Take me with you, Pieeee!" Simon called after her. He jumped from the foot of the bed and ran to Phyre.

Eilythia and Stefan watched the two leave.

...

Eilythia looked down at her white blanket and started clutching on the white cloth. She didn't know what to do next.

Stefan cleared his throat. He looked down for a moment then turned his gaze to her.

"Would you like to swim again?" Stefan asked. Dumb, he thought.

"Would you swim too if I did?" she asked shyly.

I didn't see that coming, Stefan thought as he frowned to himself.

Eilythia saw his change of expression and shook her head. "I'm kidding," she said, obviously embarrassed. She started standing up to leave.

"I'll.. I-.. I'll swim with you." Stefan said dumbly. Guilt was written on his face.

"Really?" Eilthyia asked, beaming.

Stefan stared at her for a second to admire her smile.

Then he smiled back and nodded.

...

Bradley Stiles was still in bed. On the floor. He watched Nemo grow restless. Nemo was starting to scratch on the door, wanting to get out.

"Alright," Bradley said lazily as Nemo looked and barked at him.

Bradley stood up and opened the door for the fat labrador.

And then, he laid down on the comforter again. He turned to his left and ended up pressing his face on a blue pillow. It smelled good and he knows this scent well.

Phyre, he sighed. How he missed her.

He started reminiscing..

Phyre giggled as Bradley made faces on her. He stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes. He watched her laugh. He watched her apple-like cheekbones show. He watched her eyes smile at him with so much love. Her hands were on his cheeks while he was making faces. "You're so silly," she told him. Bradley returned to his normal face and smiled. He slightly turned to kiss her palms. He pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. She looked up at him and smiled. Bradley loves her smile. Phyre told him that she loves his smile.

.. and then, he fell asleep.

...

well. just wanna post what i saw. what's wrong with that? nothing! ^_^ see? nothing wrong with posting what i saw ^^ the eyes can seeeee you know! tsk. you people ha. if you're thinking what im thinking... then. wow. aren't we amazing creatures? XD anyway. the purpose of this post is NOT TO HUMILIATE anyone.. *grins* XD alright. alright. so.. what's up with the post? :) haha. you tell me. im not the one bitter about my pet losing or something. im not the one being redundant with stuff. im not the bitter one. alright? i am not =P hmmhmm. if the society actually issues paper and stuff, i'd be more than willing to sign up as one of the writers.. NOT. haha. let me check if i'm QUALIFIED to become what I THINK I AM. ooops. soooorrry ^_^ anyway. as i was saying, i wasn't el profesor fue muy amargo. =P

is it true that he's future adviser? i mean.. did i hear 'em stupid rumors right? come on. tell meeee! my god. if he is, then.. i understand why he's so concerned. riiiight. =P

"These people actually sacrificed a lot."

Okay. which "people"? your pet? so she did. unfortunately, el profesor fue muy amargo, much to your dismay, we never planned to vote that way. i guess there's this common understanding in class. i guess that's what unites my classmates. i voted for Baby Abstain because.. simply, i wanted to. instinct tells me to. now dont give me that crap about not giving anyone a chance or something like, "what if the next person you voted, blah blah".. come on. what the hell do you want us to do? just let us do our thing. i understand that you want us to understand =P but then, im not sorry if it's the FIRST TIME it happened in the history of the society. THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. right?

you guys better get used to change. be ready for anything, expect the unexpected. were you born yesterday? tsk. even an e.coli can do that. uh. woops. actually, i dunno what to say. hahaha!

im sleepy and random. *bows*

my life? i swear, it's totally out of hand. im so lost. i dont know anymore. im so lost. confused, confused, consfused. i need to get things straight. i must not give in to disorder anymore. good god.

things are so out of hand. i swear, they are. must stoooooop.. damn it. so out of hand. so irresponsible. right now, im focusing on making my formal lab report better. it sucks.

it's not that i think im jinxed or anything, it's just that.. waaaaah T_T

oh well. i need my sanity baaaaack.. gotta be insanely sober. =p wtf.

maybe it's school stress, maybe it's that feeling of.. i dont know.

damn it. what i do hurts the people i love. must stop.