I'm in between 2 men. Derek on my left and Jay on my right. Jay asks me softly If I’m comfortable, while Derek sleeps like a baby. I said "yes, I'm ok..." then I closed my eyes trying to sleep.

Yes, I'm in the middle seat, I didn’t choose the aisle or the window seat going to Singapore, I'd rather stay in the middle than to stand up every time someone needs to go. It's just a 4hr flight anyway, I could sleep it off, but I wished I had taken the Sunday flight just like Grace.

On the bright side...we could gimmick tonight at and I could do Sunday shopping at Orchard Road tomorrow.

***

After having a very good dinner at the hotel, Derek suggested that we have a drink at Clarke Quay. Hmm....drinking with 2 men..Ok, a bit worried but...I promised myself to enjoy this trip, so I might as well go and party before the big training on Monday.

***

...Fashion Bar is really rocking as we entered. Jay is obviously happy that we chose a bar where models go to. Derek pretends not to look at the hot girls as he gets us our table. It was a small round table though, I seated between them...but the table is so small that often times...no matter how I position myself.... my legs would brush either Jay's or Derek's knees... I honestly think that they enjoy that part.

Jay ordered 1 small bottle of Johnny Walker..what the hell? I didn’t want to drink that hard so I ordered a Tequila Rose for me and it was so good, Sweet and with a slight rhum taste, perfect for tonight.

As we drink the night away, Jay has been talking/ whispering to me a lot. His knee would sometimes rest on my legs, we both move away at the start, but at the end of my 2nd tequila rose, we didn’t mind at all, what the hell, the table is really small. I'm sure Derek noticed the closeness, but cool as he is, he doesn’t mind the slight flirting and just gulps his drink down. I've been to bars with Derek and office mates before, and he understands these things.

After a few more shots of Jwalker, Jay held my hand and pulled me to dance. At this time, everyone is already dancing so I gladly obliged. Derek also danced with us, but somehow managed to partner with some hot girl dancing near us, go Derek...we were all having fun..good music..good place...good drink. This is party Singapore style.

It was really crowded in the dance area, I couldn’t help fall on Jay's chest as we dance and talk at the same time, we were so high in dancing that we occasionally hug each other while we shout at each other's ear trying to talk. It was so crowded, so loud, no one will ever notice. As we dance close and as he sometimes talk really close to my ear, I can smell his natural scent...and it was sooooo goooood.  I have this thing for guys smelling good..and here I am dancing with one who is getting more attractive the more I smell him...Jay is really sexy after all.  I allowed him to dance as close as he wants...and talk directly to my ear as much as he can...I also ear-talk him back just to get close to his neck and face. Shit ...we are all over each other...I’m glad Jay is such a gentleman...and doesn’t really appear to take advantage...I know that he realized that I trust him...we are just really dancing as if we are one couple...having fun...with unspoken flirting. Shit I hope Derek does not see us. But, what the hell, I’m sure he is somewhere dancing this way too with that girl.

...2 hours of house dacing , 1 Johnny Walker and 6 Tequila Rose later...I'm a bit tipsy. No...I am really tipsy. It is time to go home.

Derek flagged down a cab for all of us. Jay sat with me at the back. He knows im tipsy, he asked me If I want to lean on his shoulder. I did.

While Im leaning on his left shoulder, I can smell him. God..his scent...so good...he smells really good. F#$%..

Derek is seated beside the driver, and started talking about the girl he was dancing with. We started teasing him and we were laughing while throwing sarcastic jokes at each other.  They were teasing me, saying that I’m a good drunk dancer. It was a fun ride home.

In the middle of the ride home, Jay slowly held my hand, gently squeezed to comfort me and asked "you tipsy?” I nodded, squeezed his hand back and let go. It was an  "I’m ok, thanks " squeeze.

***

My room was on the 7^th floor while their rooms are on the 11^th.

As we reach the elevator, Derek pressed 11 and 7, he is such a gentleman. Then he asked “can you walk to your room?” then he continued, “Jay can walk you to your room”  I didn’t say anything, I leaned on the elevator wall closed my eyes, as If telling them to decide for me. But I know that something is definitely up with these two. Did Derek just give me and Jay a go-signal to continue whatever was there in the bar? Should I thank Derek or give him a slap? Or is he just being a gentleman again?

7^th floor, elevator opened, Jay said “come on I’ll walk you, see you tomorrow Derek”, I said goodnight to Derek and watch the elevator slowly close…as I look back, I can see Derek nodding goodnight while giving me this strange look…as if he is telling me to think about my next actions..what might happen. I don’t how he did it but he made me feel that he cares but has to let me go and do what I want. It was the same worried look that a father would give to her daughter on her first date. He looked worried but powerless to do anything about it.

As we reached room 707, Jay was almost carrying me. that scent again...God..so good.....Shit I’m so tipsy.

As I hand him my keycard , I was cool but trembling inside….…

He inserted the keycard, the door light turned green. The door unlocked, he opened and walked me to my dark room.

I didnt expect it to happen that way, I didnt expect to lose it to someone like him, but I did.  I thought I could handle It, thought I'm matured enough to do it, but now I'm not sure.

He had just left my room, he wanted to stay longer but I have to ask him to go. As soon as I heard the door closed, I started crying. Did it really happen? I asked myself. I was hoping that it was all a dream, but the bedsheets and the pain tell me otherwise.

They say a woman never forget her first. That is so true, for I remember every second of it. I remember everything that happened that lead to last night, from the flirting, the talking, the sweet moments, the parties, the drinking and finally that moment.

Everything was special and something that I want to cherish forever. Here is how it all started....

Two weeks ago I left for Singapore for a 10-day training. I was really excited. I'm leaving with 4 other officemates and meeting my ex-bf for a few days.

I need this trip, I need a break, I need something new. I've conditioned myself to enjoy this trip to the fullest, meaning shop-till-you-drop, visit all the places to go to and most of all party to the max. Im single and currently unattached, perfect timing indeed.

I will definitely enjoy this trip as I am travelling with the people that I enjoy time with in the office:

Derek - Senior Manager from our R&D group, he is smart, witty, makulit and cute. He is in his mid 30s, atheletic, married and someone fun to be with. We've been close for the last few months since he invited me to join the running club. I've been with him in office parties and he is someone na you can feel safe with.

Allan - Young wizard consultant from our team, 20ish and very metro sexual. Sometimes I feel that he goes for facial more often than me. He is also cute, girls from the office like him, very clean and neat daw. I think he likes me though, he bought me UAAP Finals  tickets even though he is not Green blooded like me. We had coffee a few times but he never really asked me out seriously. But If he does, I'll probably say ..hmmm....yes.

Jay - Manager from our Tech group. He has the bad-boy aura though I can sense that he is bit warm-hearted deep inside. He has a gf from our team and they have been very sweet in the office. He used to YM me alot when they had a cool-off, I felt I was the shoulder to cry on friend. He told everything about his gf and their situation then. Now they are ok and we dont YM much anymore. I actually miss his YMs. He was a good potential....

Grace - Marketing Manager, very cool, funny and super gimmickera ng office.  She can actually finish 1 pitcher of Margarita and 2 Red Horse, in any order. Her BF is also cool and wil follow her in Singapore for a few days, isn't that sweet?

I'm also excited to meet my ex-BF Mark. He is now studying in Sing, and has invited me to spend some nights in his apartment. I'm still thinking about it.

14 days in Singapore.

10 training days.

With 1 girl

4 men.

One of them changed me forever.

this was the question I picked:

"Going down and dirty: do you prefer to give or to receive?" 

ha ha.....my niece was there so I had to take the tequilla shots....responsible Tita I must say....

now...what  would your answer be?

:) 

Yes, Monday to Thursday. I want to stay till Sunday but I dont want to spend money on hotels so I emailed and ym'd my close friends in singapore, hoping that they could adopt me for 3 nights (poor me).

After endless chatting, my friends can only take me out on weekends but could not help me out with a place to stay because:  they just moved to a new apartment, or they have a roommate, or their family is already staying there for summer and I have to sleep in the couch with her brothers..or I could stay there in July but not June.......bla bla bla.......bad timing.

Everyone is booked...except for one....my ex Mark .

Mark, whom I broke up with 3 years ago is now studying Culinary arts in Singapore. I chatted with him, and he said that he is all alone in his apartment and Im welcome to stay anytime.

We broke up 3 years ago in a good way. I felt that he was not matured enough then to get into a serious relationship, so I decided to call it quits. 3 Years forward, he is now finishing Culinary arts and with plans to take over their family restaurant biz. Good for you Mark.

So..the question is....would you stay in your ex's apartment for 3 nights? We are both unattached now and no plans of getting back together.

Is it ok to stay there? My friend Jen said It is perfectly ok, her rationale is if you've been "together" before, you've overcome the excitement of being "together", there is nothing to prove or to try anymore, we can be very civil and treat each other as best buddies from high school.

hmm....she's partly right. ...

but.....

...an Ex is also someone who you can get really comfortable with........someone you know inside out.....someone who you can trust...someone who can keep a secret.....someone you can do things with, without being judged.....someone safe to be crazy with.....

aghhhhhhh........I'm not sure.....should I stay there...and save shopping money for that Coach bag?

would you do it? help!

:)

This is what has been playing in my tipsy head, as I watch him get inside the car. My head is still spinning, but I'm very much aware of what is happening or what is going to happen. He is so cute and sweet. We will definitely do more than hold hands tonight, I thought to myself.

As he sat and closed the door, I can hear his cellphone virbrating. Shit, who could be calling him at 1:30am? Dan? His boss? or his......  It stopped, yes, peace and quiet again, and back in the mood again. I sat there looking at my window all tipsy and confused, heart pounding, scared and excited at the same time.

Gently, he faced me, took my left hand from my lap and held them between his hands. That felt  so great.  Then his right hand slowly combed my hair to so he could see my cheeks, ears and neckline. I love it when men caress my hair.

He is now holding my left hand while touching my hair with his right, and I can feel him moving closer. Still not looking at him, I felt him leaning forward. Oh god, he is definitely going for it.   His right arm is now around my shoulder, he is  slowly pulling me towards him.  I remained looking the other way but not fighting his moves. He calmly continued pulling till I am now leaning on his chest.

I am now wrapped under him, both of us looking out my window. He hugged me and kissed my hair gently. This feels really great, he didnt aim for the kiss,  he wanted an embrace. I could stay like this the whole night.

"I've been wanting to do this...." he said. "I like you a lot, and..... I wish we could spend more time together", he whispered.

"I'm not sure about this......, I feel its too sudden....." I answered.

Then he slowly adjusted himself to face me. He is staring at me, I'm drowning in his eyes.

Still wrapped under him, he slowly moved closer and slowly touched my chin, positioning them towards him. I closed my eyes and didnt fight it off. I've surrendered myself to be kissed. I'm waiting. He leaned forward, I could hear him breathing heavily.

His forehead now leaning on mine, he is thinking, deciding, taking it so slowly. He is going to kiss me....

Then....that vibrating sound started again. His phone on the stereo compartment is blinking and is definitely trying to get attention.  I saw his face turn different, he looked nervous and worried. He read the caller ID while hiding it from me......Its his GF.

I was waiting for a sign if this is right and Nokia gave me more than one. He excused himself and went outisde the car to answer the phone. He closed his door, but he was in a hurry that It didnt lock properly. It is partly open and I can hear him talk.

"Yeah, with Dan.......finalizing the bill..........baka coffee pa kami after....." shit...this is not right at all I said to myself.

"Ok.....I will....." he continued. 

Then I heard the final blow."..love you too".

I took a deep breath and did a 3-second scenario assessment: this is not his fault entirely, I knew he had a GF, I knew he likes me. We are both  tipsy and alone in the car. I could have gone home with Ella, but i didnt. I sent all the right signals for him. No need to get emotional here.  He is a good guy nonetheless, just tell him as it is.

When he finished, he went back and looked very guilty. He held my hand and stared at the steering wheel. "sorry about that" was all he could say.

I said "let's go home na, really getting late na, I think someone is starting to look for you....".

He looked at me and said "...ok....thanks for being here with me....hope we can be really good friends after the tequilla wears off"

I said "let's be friends.....let's be good friends....let's just not try to be something that we are not  ...i hope you know what I mean..."

"yeah.....I understand.....but sometimes..... there are things that you cant really fight off..." he said.

"I know, but let's not forget other people hooked up into this" I answered

"tagal na rin kayo right? don't let one tipsy night ruin things for you" I continued.

"we're 3 months na ....you had a boyfirned then right?, saw him picked you up before" he replied.

Oh my, timing was really not on our side. But what can I do?

"Ok,..Paul...we both know we like each other,.....but you are taken now..., I realized now that I dont want to  become miss third wheel.  I thought I could. Maybe its not really meant to be"

He answered, "I know....now I feel so happy and confused at the same time.....I just really like you eversince.......fate is really playing with us......just dont cut me off yet...let's enjoy each other's company as friends"

With that he started driving me home. He still holds my hand while he drives. I allowed him.

We continued talking about seing each other again and about the next launching. I didnt give any commitment but said I'll think about it.

When we  reached my place, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He hugged me ever so softly. He said "please let me kiss you..."

Then he backed away and with both hands he is slowly pulling my face closer to him. I held both his cheeks as well....and kissed his cheeks slowly...keeping his lips away from my lips... i stayed on his left side and didnt move ....our cheeks are leaning against each other....he is giving me soft kisses on the cheeks.....and i begin to do the same...my lips are touching his cheeks now.....then....I slowly moved them closer to his lips and......let go.  I didnt kiss his lips but the corners of our lips touched.

He leaned back, looked at me and smiled.

I said "good night and thanks for the night". I got out of the car and walked to my gate. That was my final signal for the night.

I'm not sure If I did the right thing.

:)

I've met some friends thru blogging and I have learned a lot from their posts.

Today, I will take a sabbatical from posting, and will dedicate energy on reading, commenting on others blog. I am now an official commenter. It's sort of a case study to connect with bloggers with interesting stories, withh unfinished stories or with bloggers with deep thoughts hidden on their posts.

So far I've met online interesting bloggers, such as:

- A Greenpeace advocate, who was jailed in Spain for joining a protest

- Single Mom, who was abandoned by her family :(

- An olympian

- A office cutie inlove with his Manager

- a receptionist who worked to become a CEO. Cool right?

- groom, ditched at the Altar

- girl who likes married men

- guy in love with the girl on the next cube

...and a lot more

their stories helped me realized how thankful i should be in right now, and also opened my eyes to other realities of life. thank you all for sharing.

Blog you all soon! :)

They played a game called Desert Island, and it goes like; if you were stranded on an island, who among your officemates would you "do"?.......it was a cute epsiode.

hmm...in my office I would do: J.C. (mr. eyes, shhhhh)

who would you do? initials only please...unless you want to spill it out

:)

He even gave us tags with our names. He registered us. Impressive indeed. His gf was not there, weird and suspicious but nevertheless great.

He introduced me and Ella to his team and his manager. I was introduced as a friend from the "old office".

The party was great. Lots of cool and hot people around.  Paul and his team sat with us. Drank with us and really partied with us. Ella was a big hit to his friends. Dan, his officemate made the moves and flirted with her the whole night.

Paul was sitting beside me doing the usual moves as well: the whisper-in-your-ear-cause-its-loud move, the let's-drink-some-more toast to us get drunk......and eventually the where-did-you-park question to check If I brought a car.

Ella and I planned that If everything turns out ok with Paul and If he offers me a ride, I will say yes and we will give a lame story that Ella is meeting some friends later and that I need a ride...bla bla....lame but we've done this before.

Paul said, I'll take you home, I'm from Makati too. When the conversation lead to "where are you staying?". I said "sure if your sure".

Deep inside I felt something. Excitement, nervousness and fear. I've never been this open to a guy I barely know.

His manager was with us and he just kept on bringing in these drinks. Sure enough we didn't disappoint him. Shots after shots. Cheers after cheers. We were dancing as if DJ Tiesto was spinning. We were all having fun.

Paul was a great host. We talked about lots of things, and he seems to be very confident and full of sense. I couldn't believe I'm getting tipsy with him now after months of flirting and staring and pretending we were not interested with each other.

By 1am, we decided to call it quits and decided to go home. Ella gave me a kiss and a hug as she leaves. It was like a "are you sure about this?, be careful.." hug.

I looked at her and said, "see you tomorrow". She understood my I-think-so look and she left.

Paul and I started walking to the parking lot....

:)

Walking to Paul's car, I felt liked the entire Fort is like in a dream, so cloudy, so fast, so spinning.....so..so.....drunk. Why did I drink that last shot. Good thing he is such a gentleman, he walked beside me, close enough to catch when I fall, but not close enough to be touchy.

When we reached his car, I leaned back on the passenger side door, I didn't want to go in yet, "let me catch some air first", I said ( I need time to let the drunkenness subside to a respectable level...tipsy/ flirty level).

He leaned beside me and said, You ok? Cool party right? And I think you liked the bar way too much. Yes waayyy too much, I thought.

We continued to talk and exchanged jokes about his officemates and his weird manager while the entire parking lot seem to move around, oh God I'm drunk.

And as we talk, I noticed that he is moving closer and closer till we are shoulder to shoulder. His left shoulder is leaning on my right (well, you get the picture). It felt good, I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder.

We continued the chit-chat, while we both have our arms on a criss-cross position. We now talk and stare longer at each other's eyes.

This is it, I said to myself. His next move will be crucial.

Then it came. He received a text message from his officemate Dan, asking him to get Ella's cell number. He showed it to me but it was too far for my near sighted and tipsy eyes. I took his cell to read it closer. Next, he held my hand with the cell to teach me how to scroll down. Surprised, I played along. His left hand is now holding the back of my right hand, reading the message, our cheeks are 2 inches apart, inbox searching and down scrolling together. The parking lot is dimly lit and only the cellphone is illuminating our faces. Nokia should have seen that scene.

After reading, we held the phone down, He released my hand and kept his phone. It is dark again.

Then, he went for my hand again and this time my hand welcomed it. As if waiting for it. We held hands softly, gently, till they are interlocked. Airtight locked.

We are now quiet, speechless and breathing heavily. We are both looking down the ground, smiling, while he gently squeeze my hand. We are both thinking about what is happening and where this is going tonight.

"Thanks for coming tonight.." he said, staring at me. I smiled slashed nodded, I cant speak. So nervous, so tipsy.

I'm not sure what to do, what to say. I love the the way he is holding me, so smooth, so slowly and so sweet. I don't want him to stop. But I'm not sure. I don't know. All I know is that once we are inside his car, things might get out of hand.

Then he said "let's get you home" , and he unlocked his car with his remote.

I didn't move. The sound of the door automatically unlocking didn't feel right. I felt scared, worried, and unsure. He is taken. I'm tipsy. He just held my hand. Should I go in?

I said, "ok". Its getting late. He opened my door and I got in. He gently closed the door and started walking to the driver side. I was watching him walk from my side, while my heart reaches 200 beats per minute.

I began to ask myself, "am I really up for this? "....

:)

(sorry too long already, Part 4 next post, my brother needs the PC)