It's when you can't tell the person you miss him. In fact, you can't tell anyone.

Expressing your emotions will not change anything, instead, it might make things worse.

But within you, there's a constant blubber, you just want to let it out, tell someone, anyone.

But no one will understand. And even if they do, how can they help?

So you take a deep breath and swallow it with a gulp,

Sway with the motions of the day.

Then you return home, and regurgitate,

Into the world wide web.

Probably does not help. (it may even make things harder)

But at least now it's out there.

Somewhere.

Infants under two (2) years of age at the time of travel, who do not occupy an aircraft seat are only charged S$40 or A$40 per infant per one way journey.Infants are not required to pay taxes and charges and do not qualify for any baggage allowance.

Oops.. now that I re-read it, it's not as funny anymore. Cos in skimming it, I think I mistakenly read it as: "infants do not qualify as baggage allowance". Ok, nvm.. no more baby jokes. Apparently I am known for the baby jokes, though not the gruesome ones that you hear normally. But some *ahemmy exflatmates* might beg to differ.

Anyhow, I had dinner with a few other cafe people at pastor's place, and heard about how this couple (who were there at the dinner) met each other and eventually got married. The guy, a Kiwi went on an OE to Europe, and was in Italy when he met the girl, an American who was studying classics there. They met in the Vatican! In the presence of the Pope, not quite. But she did point out that she was blessed by the Pope, along with a thousand other people though. Being a pope must be quite boring, or maybe i don't know enough about what he does. But back to the story, the boy then tagged along with the girl, and travelled with her, and then basically decided, after knowing each other on that short period of time, that if they wanted the rship to work, they would have had to commit to something. So they did a bit of a long distance together, and then eventually she moved to NZ, and they're married now. Crazy right? Only thought these stories existed in novels or in chick flicks or romantic movies.

Alright, it's 11.50pm, gotta hit the sack. Flatmate and I are keeping each other accountable, to get to bed early and rise early leading to a healthy lifestyle! =)

But having said that, I thoroughly enjoy work. Even though the coupling reaction that I recently carried out gave me the opposite anomer to the one that I want, I somehow find myself enjoying it. Heck.. it means I have to go back and make more starting material, and try the coupling reaction a few more times, but oh well. The work environment that I am in makes a whole lot of difference. Lab mates who are optimistic (way more optimistic than I am) and smart, and supervisors who are passionate about chemistry makes what I do more a challenge than a dread. I can tell when my supervisor is excited about what I do, because he would come running into the lab, looking for me, asking me how my reaction went, whether the building blocks coupled, and whether I made the alpha or the beta product! And then I can tell he's REALLY excited when I go in for my individual meeting to present them with NMR data which I just got in the morning, only to find that M was so impatient to find out the results, he had already logged in and checked for my results!

Alright, enough about geeky work. Everything's going pretty fine here. Coping with the breakup is quite a challenge, and it came with more frustrations than I expected- some were with Dan, but most of them were internal issues that I have to wrestle with. I have come to realise that no one will really understand, and it is a journey that I have to go through on my own. I find myself clinging on to God's words and his plans for my life. I have no clue what it is...but it better be worth all the pain. Not to say that clinging on to God's words have been easy. Firstly, it's not very tangible. And secondly, my human brain is still struggling to understand what greater good God wants to bring out of this. But in the mean time, I will just have to go with the flow of life, embracing every aspect of it and being thankful for all the good things that I have.

----------------------------

I haven't really got it all figured out,

but everything's gonna be fine fine fine.

But the washing machine has beeped, and my bathrobe is all soft-and-fluffy (cos I finally gave in and bought softener) PS: Ping I so understand how u feel about writing about the mundane things that are so important to you, and yet seem so trivial when put into words. So I'm going to sign off, hang my laundry, curl up in bed with the new Jamie Oliver Magazine and perhaps doze off!

Things to do for the rest of the holiday:

1) catch up with 3 other bunch of friends.
2) Bake 2 cakes, maybe.
3) Read some review articles.
4) Prepare for Catalyst bible study.
5) Make some trendy corsages from buttons and pretty fabric (they've been on my to-do-list for wayyy too long).
6) Do the laundry

They're totally opposite feelings, but it momentarily alleviates the pain. It works well especially in a public setting when you need to maintain composure and keep a straight face. However, not so well in a relaxed mode, especially when alone, or even worse when you are watching a movie which is meant to trigger your waterworks. What happens is your mind follows the storyline, but your heart replaces what you should feel (for the characters in the movie) with what you feel for yourself. The end-result is the same- tears stream down your face. But really, what are you crying about?

Every part of me seems to want to act opposite to what I should do... When unguarded, I find myself using every reason I can to replace sadness with anger. Something, someone to blame. But I know bitterness will get me nowhere, and I have to constantly pray that I will allow God to live in me... that I may act/speak/think in a manner that will be worthy of His grace. It's such a real struggle, and it weighs me down. I know I need to let go... I know I need to let God. But it's hard to forgive, when there is no remorse. Grace is what I received through the cross, a gift I did not deserve, Lord help me to extend grace.

View of the magnificent sunrise from the bus stop where I catch my bus in the morning.

My eyes are opened to see the beauty in Your creation.
Birds that chirp the morning song, or that slim ray of sunlight which streams through the blinds.
The rolling hills, one terrain hiding behind the other's shadow,
Shy,
Hiding behind the morning mist. 
Bursting brightness, casting a silhouette of the tall strong tree which battled the strong winds the night before.
I watch Magnolias go past me on the bus.
Little green shoots budding from well-rested winter branches.
Ah! The smell of spring in the air.
And the summer to come.

Thank you Lord! Good morning world!

Then, I dropped by Briscoes and did some homeware shopping at Briscoes! I absolutely love browsing/ shopping for homeware. The main thought that goes through my mind is, "The colour's gotta match, the style's gotta match!" But being on a strict budget, I was pretty successful at only picking out things that I needed- a full length mirror, a baking dish, and tea towels! I trotted home happily with the heavily discounted purchases, only to walk past a garage sale. I absolutely love garage sales/school fairs and the like. So many lovely old stuff, that hold much memories for people who once owned it. I added to my purchases a glass jug for only $1, and a glass salad bowl for only $2!

K and I then headed out to Lyall Bay for a stroll on the beach, which provided us with many picturesque shots, her with a fancy digital SLR, and me with my toy camera :) We attempted a few artistic shots, and the best ones I caught are the macro shots of the jetty. 

Hot chocolate at Elements Cafe followed by a deep, meaningful and thought-provoking conversation with K about work, God and how that all fits with God's kingdom perspective ended with a challenge to go back to the Bible and read in context, and discover what are the heavenly treasures that were mentioned in the New T.

The cherry that topped the day was a satisfying Japanese dinner from Hede to celebrate F's birthday!

Thank you Lord for giving me the chance to live life to the fullest, according to Your good measures.

And since I'm back here, I'm allowed to talk about the weather. It's 8.4 C with a southerly gust. Cold enough for me thankyouverymuch!

With the final target of my project in sight, my work hours reached a peak of 14 hours last Thursday. I changed gears and worked extra hard for the last few weeks as I wanted some sort of closure/results for my project, before I take 2 months off to go back to Malaysia. I can't testify that working long hours and weekends is a good thing, but the satisfaction of reactions (or experiments) working and being able to carry a starting material through so many steps, slowly but surely getting closer to the target compound makes the long hours and non-existent lunch hours worth it. (Note: Chocolate is great when you don't have time to eat and need a lot of energy!)

At the same time, I have also started "mini-supervising" a friend, a third year student with some work that she's doing in our lab, coordinated Chemistry helps sessions for first year students, mentored Maori and Pacific Island students via Awhina, packed and is still in the process of packing to move out of my flat, looked and is still looking for someone to take my room on Glenmore Street, and I have yet to start on writing that research proposal!

But I'm looking forward to the week to come, as things start to wrap up (hopefully), seeing that I am one and a half steps away from making a fluorescent compound! I'm looking forward to some catch-ups with dear friends before I leave... and my neurons are already pulsing with excitement as I brainstorm for to-do's when I'm back home. Satisfying my food cravings is definitely at the top of the list, but I am also determined to not let this holiday go to waste, and so.. I'll be bringing some homework back- some work-related stuff, some intentional reflection time and also some artsy-futzy hobbies which I have been wanting to get on to. Oh, and maybe some cooking and baking too!

Right, gotta get some sleep. Swine flu has hit New Zealand. And funnily enough, my biggest fear is not whether I will manage to make my final target, but rather if I drive myself sick on my way back, and happen to have flu-like symptoms at Malaysia's Immigration checkpoint... it'll be quite sad but also funny if I get quarantined in my own country! Gotta pile on the Vitamin C's!