to bubi: sana naman this year, i'll be flake-free. as in events ha, not dandruff. :P

no more time to waste. the world is getting faster and faster and faster, and if i slow down now, i'll get left behind. for real.

(and so begins the sequence of emo prose)

 i have so much shit to do, it's not funny. i have to make a psych COMMERCIAL (wtf. as if it's going to increase my learning curve), do a qualitative research on doctor-nurse ofws, learn how to jump rope like a professional (why the hell did i pick running for pe), attend 2 boringgg lectures on why the world is flat, clean up after the mess that ads has made, and (here's my favorite) act like a biblical scholar and write an extensive paper on the passion and death of Jesus Christ.

 but i'm happy.

 i've spent more time with my friends in the past 2 weeks than i did over the past year, i've reaffirmed my capacity to reel in cute boys, and i've severed most of my connections with an unhealthy-for-me friendship. i'm happy.

hoorah. :D 

not like i was cool or anything to begin with.

it's just that to be asked to step out of a class that you're merely sitting in is pretty damn loser-y. of course it just so happened to be the my ex-boyfriend's class too. ghad. life isn't fair.

on a better note, the ADS varsity isn't all that bad. they're actually pretty interesting and fun outside of debate. i just can't grasp the pleasure they get form mocking other people. have a heart sometimes sheesh.

math long test tomorrow.

must ace must ace must ace.

no amount of studying can prepare me for the wrath of cabral. why|||||||||||||?? 

gotta go. math tutorial. whee

it really is. all of you should sympathize with that one sentiment.

all the emotions... the angst, frustration, confusion, love, hate, passion. everything.

its tough.

that's all.

going through a really reallt rough patch.

hoping for te best, but expecting the worst.

i hope it doesn't have to end.

so they're requiring us to take this course in ateneo.. Introduction to Ateneo Culture and Tradition. it's all well and good. hoorah for the ateneo spirit and all, but i wish they'd get better facilitators. you know, people who actually seem like they give a damn about the school and it's traditions. our facis suck beans. they're so "motivating" and "inspiring". haha. they make you wanna start being apathetic smokers who are just on this planet to bitch about everything.

wah. angst.

on a lighter note, soccer is hella cool! my leg muscles and tendons and hamstrings are crying, but i can't wait to put on my spikes to play again. and my stamina is getting much better. i can actually last through a 45 minute game now. woohoo. :)

and lit class is cool. our teacher makes us think and criticize things and try to understand things from a way deeper perspective. i like it. i like thinking. it's so stimulating and challenging. am i thinking out loud? cool.

that's totally my word for the day. cool. oh, you know what else is cool? i'm wearing james' manchester united football club jacket with his name and number on the back today. people keep asking if a james plays for england. funny. but i feel like a total jock in the jacket (maybe cause it's a jock's jacket... whatever) and it's so cool. it feels way cool. :)

so yeah. i'm at that point in the week where i either reach the pinnacle of my energy, or go downhill starting now.. so i'll just have to see which direction it's gonna go. later. :)

so guess where i am.

i bet you can't see me.

i bet you can't hear me.

do you know where i am?

okay. just a bit of freeform feeling-ko-artist-ako poetry.

i've been feeling like i've got a lot of repressed emotions lately. you know, like i'm about to burst, but i don't know why. damn this hormonal teenager-y stuff. fourth week of college life, and it feels like i've been here forever. it's cool i guess. we've all pretty much settled in. :)

i miss csa loads though. i miss how everything was so easy and so accessible then. now, everything takes effort. even having a boyfriend. we both need to go the extra mile to keep things going smoothly. and it's hard. really hard. specially when the effort is coming from only one side.

on the upside, i've found an outlet. a really awesome outlet. made it to the soccer team! okay.. it's team b.. but soccer team with jersey and jacket nonetheless!! it's so awesome! i'm bruised and sore and it feels so exhilarating. i'm finally putting these arms and legs to work.

now to find an intellectual stimulator. i think it's time i signed up for ads. yeah yeah, finally caved in. i thought about it long and hard, and i wouldn't be betraying anyone (wrong choice of words, i think) by joining. nor would it just be a "sayang kung hindi" type of thing. i'm joining because i love debate. i love the thought of thinking on my toes and trying my darndest to reach a compromise in this world full of stubborn headed monkeys. i love the seven minute adrenaline rush that transcends being tired or hungry or fed up with your day. i want to remember how it felt to be with my teammates in canadia. i want to feel like that first time in shs with pecto and bobby as our adj. i want to keep debating.

so emotional. i hate it. it's so girly. and it's only monday. sheesh.