In my opinion people then were really united for a just cause in which maybe 99% marched for freedom while the other 1 percent or less marched just to join in the "fun", or be part of the group, or just to say I was there.

Compare this to EDSA DOS. Which I really believe was rigged planned for the most part but I can't support my opinion with any solid evidence or a good debate.

Compare this to Corys funeral. I like Cory and admire her for what she did for freedom. As a president she was a total failure, but of course she was not all to blame and I believe that she meant well, but still I'd rather have Ramos who was more in charge and Erap who had a thinking cabinet or even GMA, on second thought maybe not GMA.

Compare.

Unity without just cause, without right reason, brings in a mob.

But hey, they say Rome was just a mob in her day.

People also hate, I don't hate a lot of things, but I can hate someone so much right now.

If revulsion had a picture in the dictionary it would be A.R. (person)

For starters when I met her she was O.K. I mean, she was good to talk to, and I was not that scared to meet her like I was before with my other my-gfs-moms. She was kind of easier to get along with, and kind of liked me from the start. Months later she started to shed her skin, colors changing from white to freakish purple. Well of course there were reasons for this, her daughter of course and me.

She hated it when we lie and come home the morning after. She also hates it when I slip up like this one time when cam got sick and I choose to go home (I was away from home for almost a week) and could not stay with her and take care of her. I think thats where it started to spiral downwards. Every little thing I did wrong she hated me for it. She had this dual bullshit of being plastic and then being so blunt that she insults you in front of people. Of course at first I tried to remedy it and take all her crap, but enough is enough. You can do away with pride if it matters so much but don't let it affect your dignity. There were so many times that I want to talk back, to just embarass her in front of people (I could do it in trinoma or luneta), but I could not, I just held back for I know things would only get worse if I fought back.

But believe it or not, these are not the main reasons why I hate her.

I never thought I would see in real life a mom such as her, who could be so cruel and terrible to her kids, especially her daughter. I thought those moms only live in TV and shit. But hell, she's much worse than some of those soap opera monsters.

She treats her daughter like she was the reason for every misgiving and disaster in her life. The bitch is so full of insecurity, that she has to take it out on her own flesh and blood. It's not cams fault that she's beautiful and her mom's the wicked stupid ugly stepmom from the fairytales. She would even hurt cam in front of me, and would not say sorry after. What kind of mom would hurt her daughter repeatedly even if front of people. What kind of mother would raise every expletive known to her simple vocabulary in such a volume that the whole street would hear. What kind of mother would kick her own daughter out of the house not once, not twice but thrice. The first time she kicked her out was when she was so young.

The last time was when I was even there, Its no suprise that her own daughter has trouble respecting her, even her son. She kicked her out of the house after midnight and all I could do was follow cam, we slept at a cheap motel a cubao wondering what we would do after all that happened. She called the next morning telling her to come back, but there was not one word of "sorry" from her.

And worst of all right now, cams pregnant, and she does not give as much as a shit, constantly threatening to throw her out of the house and telling her "HINDI KITA RESPONSIBILIDAD" Hell you're her mom, No matter what shit she may have done or what shit could have happened you are still the mother who is supposed to be there for her child no matter what.

Lastly money, her mom earns money from her work of course as a secretary, but what does she do? She spends it at the casino and other things. Oh, and she made her daughter stop studying, she does not give her money either. A.R. actually does not pay for groceries, cam does. Cam also pays for telephone bills, electricity bills and others. What does this bitch pay for? Cam's pregnant what the hell is wrong with you? I understand that you won't pay for the pregnancy and any other related bills but come on, food? You won't even buy food until your kids are hungry.

Oh and another thing, once our child comes out, the bitch won't have anything to do with her unless she's pretty. WHAT A BITCH. I'll tell you what, you won't have anything at all to do with her, you will not touch her. You will not get anything from me I DON'T care if you lay crippled on the street, I would spit at you. I abhor you, I detest you, I loathe you, you disgust me and I condemn you as a person. I judge people, a lot of times am wrong, but with you, I may be wrong in the fact that I don't know what other sins you may have done or will commit.

It is no wonder your husband left you. Its no suprise if your kids would leave you sooner or later.

The only thing that keeps me happy when thinking of you is the thought that you will never be happy. NEVER. I hope the day comes when I could show pity on you. That you would deserve to be pitied. Sympathy is too big a word for you.

I have a lot of problems in my life, some small some big, even so there are others who have bigger problems than me. that's why when I tell my problems I don't relate to it to the highest or worst sense. I hate people who do that, thinking that they have it the worst, worse than 50-90 percent of the people in the world.

To some people, happiness is love, riches, fun and just living their day redundantly because they don't lack necessity. To some, happiness is finding a meal or scraps for their kids. Happiness is just being happy to see the sun for one more day in their war-torn location. Could these innocent (ignorant), closed (self-absorbed) people really be so dramatic while others are just happy being alive?

Even if those reasons have a knack of being true, percentages may vary from 15 to 99. It's just how could you pass by, not even thinking of the 1 percent chance that he is just a hungry person begging whatever he could just for a next meal?

At times I don't give, for whatever reason (no change, no money), but I always feel sad whenever I pass them by, and I always think for 5 minutes to 30 about the moment passed that I did not help a person who was 100 to a thousand times worse of than I. 

Damn it, really, most of the people walking there have 2 cell phones, an ipod, keys to a car, makeup that costs 3 to 4 zeroes and a wallet with more than 500 pesos cash for the day. How could you afford to not even glance at them? Hearts of stone?

MRT, North ave, the bridge:

There you will always see a woman who is in need of eye surgery, and a man in need of medical attention due to a neck affliction. For the past months I used the MRT North ave station for at least 2 times a month, I always give these two people the change I save over for them before going home, (except for one time I only gave the man, for I had money only for my MRT ride, Bus ride, I forgone riding the trike home). Three days ago I was there, I did not see the guy. If you are one of those who think about faking diseases first before anything, then, hope your always right. Chances are, YOU COULD be.

If anyone of us could have wishes, please, use one of them for more compassion and care around the world, or even just to open the eyes of those who refuse to see the reality of the less fortunate.

We all wish for a fairytale story, let our fairytale story be that of not only ourselves to matter.

The babys coming out by July, now Im wondering if my parents will treat my kid the same way they treated my nephew. I know they're pissed and all and I get it, who wouldn't be pissed, Im still studying and being a jerk plus I had lots of potential and am not doing anything, don't know thats just me. It's just like I need something I just don't know what.

I'm gonna get so angry and pissed like theres hell over frozen water if my parents treat my kid like he's nothing. If the way they treated my nephew was still better as if he's they're son. Man they don't have to be such dicks not caring at all, only caring about what would I do and shit, but I know that already, I know all the things that i need to do just not doing them to the best of my abilities. They treat my nephew as if he's such an angel and that he really is a son to them. I hate that, that they don't give any anticipation to the grandson they are getting very soon, they don't care much, well not like the ones I know who have gone through the same situation I have. It's like as if they only care about getting it all done the money and all the touble.

I can't get my thoughts together, my entry's scattered. I'm gonna be a hell of a better parent than my parents are. If my son goes through a situation like this, I would support him all the way and show more concern.

Man, I don't know how to write anymore.

I am in the midst of losing it, but damn am I still good at keeping my act together in front of people. How does the human mind cope to such whirlwinds? Not to mention the storms of the human heart which affects the brain very much.

I admit I have been in the crossroads of my life for more than a year now and till now I have not fixed a single horse shoe for my steed. I cannot until I find a way to gather my composure and capture all my thoughts and locking them up once again where they can entertain and breed as before. The only thing I am so thankful for is the lion cage, for it has not been totally opened yet, full panic has yet to erupt.

Emo-buddy where are you when I need you? Our drinking sessions have kept me sane (very philosophical drinking sessions).

But, I shall make do, I shall strive and do my best and claim the situation for victory before you arrive. You would be proud.

I told two people about my secret. This secret involves not only me but someone very very dear to me as well. Lets name the male person PP, and the female KK. I also told JR, who Im most definetly sure would not tell anyone. PP, one of my most trusted friends, I am not sure if he told someone. Of KK, she told two people, the very next day, well its okay since these two people are close to me as well, I ll name them PE and CC. Now I got the knowledge that CC told two people, which made me angry, she told GR who does not know how to keep his mouth shut, and LL who I am not in speaking terms with.

PE, Im sure did not tell anyone, well I hope. So either PP is lying or KK is lying or both of them are. GG and AA, two friends who were told did not answer when I asked them who told them. Man, talk about covering up. This makes me so pissed, distraught even.

I cant believe that they would do that. Other secrets are okay but this one is different, a life-changing secret.

Talk about a sense of betraya and distrust.

AND DID IT ROCK! Hahahha... Dang, I wanna learn how move the way Chris Brown does it. They both got the crowd working to a frenzy, even after CB's turn took its toll on the people, Rihanna was still able to get the crowd roaring for her part of the show.

One thing, I'm so glad Cam convinced me that we should get gold tickets instead of silver. I mean theres this huge difference if your in gold and platinum, haha... I can see the platinum people looking all posh and frivolous struting their pride while at our backs the silver people wishing they were at our places. Much more to say for the bronze people.

I hope they do get to perform here again, I would gladly scrap some cash wherever I can get just to watch it again, dont care if we stood there for 5 hours and got a hard time to get a cab (we were actually very lucky to get a cab after 3 tries).

Again, Hearts all over the world tonight!

It has been how long? Four months?

Anyway...

Here I am, still in school, I really should create a group for procrastinators.

Family, well, same old same old. Friends, some are prohibited to be with while others are still around and some new ones.

Love, doing good. I am in love, yup, in love in love in love, and yeah she is the same girl I have been dramatizing about in this blog for the past months, and we are so in love that we hope to marry after all this has been settled.

For now this is it. See you guys at the Chris Brown Rihanna concert! Gold area!

So did my father. The girls warned me about her when they met her. The boys saw something else and warned me about her after they got to spend time with her.

Those close to me kept hammering into me why I should turn her away.

"She's inconsistent and unfair", said one.

"She keeps on hurting you and your too blind and stupid to see", said another.

"I didn't like her the moment you told me what she did so quit it", said the other.

My reply was summed up in this statement:

" I know that she can be mostly what you said, I know that she hurt me over and over, that I have experienced such torment and bouts of haunting depression. I've be pained physically, emotionally, even psychologically, my heart taking it all in somehow. Even through all this, I keep coming back. You all ask me why? That answer is complex as it is simple, " I love her so damn much... "

Like my friend said(the only one who understood), " You love her, just be careful and don't get yourself hurt you stupid lovestruck emo". Guess I am a Lovestruck fool.

I'm a martyr not a saint... Imperfect, but perfect through undying love, which may one day be hurt in a drastic finale, but even so the prospect is there, I hold on, for she might be the one.

Still depressed...

Beginning to hate again...