exodus.  i am moving to a new home, this time powered by blogger.  it had been so nice having a home here at tabulas but at this point in time a new site is very important in emphasizing my personal rebirth.

thank you tabulas, i enjoyed my seventeen months of staying with you.  don't worry, i'm not deleting this account whatsoever.  this will always exist for me to be reminded of where and how i started as a blogger.  and besides, i am not closing on with the thought that this will be my last entry here.  a respite is always welcome.

to my dear readers, thank you for always dropping by and reading the lines of this site.  let me take you to my new home:

chasing daylight. 

lahat na lang pinagbawal.  i think sometime soon, people will not be allowed inside the trains too.

can you keep up?

now, feel our sweet, silent vengeance.  i hope you realize what you're missing:

uaap feels pinch of la salle's absence.

call us every terminology that you could think to question our integrity.  but we know more than you do.  we know we are responsible and accountable for our shortcomings and even before you could figure out what to do with us, we already took the appropriate measures to make things right.  we already paid the price we had to pay, and more.  but still, you slapped us with an unfair hand.

for those who do not understand what i am saying, take a first glimpse of the uaap board's professionalism:

the la salle eligibility scandal.

well, at least, we did not send our players abroad to play in an american collegiate league to cover up ineligibility.  as jose diokno coined out, "why be honest when it pays to be dishonest?"

and an archer always know the right thing to do.  a principled life is always better than a nagging conscience.

it made me stop and think.  is this boy asking for just the definition, or something deeper than a what-it-is description?  well, he was just an elementary student, but his eyes are gleaming with intelligence.  nonetheless i just told him, "self-discipline is doing what you need to do and not doing the things you don't need to do".  he nodded and went back to his group.

then again, what is self-discipline?  how does one practice it?  and more importantly, why does one have to practice it?

i think self-discipline is among the most important qualities in achieving success in life.  if you can discipline yourself on what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not, your success is virtually guaranteed.  i also think that the key to achieving success in life is long-time perspective combined with the ability to delay gratification in the short term.

self-discipline means self-mastery, self-control, self-responsibility, and self-direction.  the difference between successful people and failures is that successful people make a habit of doing things that failures do not like to do.  and what are those things?  well, the things that failures do not like to do are the same things that successful people do not like to do either.  however, successful people do them anyway because they know that these are the prices they have to pay to achieve the success that they desire. 

successful people are more concerned with pleasing results.  failures are more concerned with pleasing methods.  successful people does things that are goal-achieving.  failures do things that are tension-relieving.  successful people does things that are hard, necessary, and important.  unsuccessful people, on the other hand, prefer to make things that are fun and easy and which give immediate enjoyment.

the good news is that every act of self-discipline strengthens your other disciplines as well.  and when you practice self-discipline, your self-esteem goes up.  you like and respect yourself even more.  and the more you practice self-discipline in small things, the more capable you become of the great disciplines and the great opportunities and experiences and challenges of life.

someone told me before, everything in life is a test.  every day, every hour, and sometimes every minute, you are taking a test of self-mastery, self-control, and self-discipline.  the test is to see whether or not you can make yourself do the things that are most important and stay with them until they are complete.  the test is whether or not you can keep your mind on what you want and where you're going rather than thinking about things that you don't want or problems that you've had in the past.

even before, i remember bernard would deactivate the touch pad when i'm about to use his laptop.  he knows how pissed off i am with the "side effects" of this pesky piece of hardware.  hail the usb optical mouse!

(argh, there's a long, irritating sound echoing from outside the window.  like a train that stopped in front of our house or *knock on wood* a driver suddenly passed out and had his head lodged on his steering wheel's horn button/trigger).

it's monday again tomorrow.  i'm not complaining, but i just want to say it's another grueling week ahead.  parang bago pa lang akong nagu-unwind, lunes na naman. 

my friends would seldom hear this from me, but for the record, i'm tired.

work at the office is pressing, to say the least.  one of my major projects is coming to a close, and another one is about to kickoff.  imagine preparing all the project-end reports while making all the necessary preparations for a launch; that with two other side projects and two training series.  i don't want to disappoint my superiors and my colleagues.  some of my friends would tell me that i don't have to kill myself with work.  but they don't understand the fact that it's my go-or-no-go probation for full-time employment in p&g.  i must admit, p&g has a very competitive (sometimes stressful) atmosphere, but i would really want to make it inside for some personal reasons, (1) i thrive on pressure and competition, one thing that p&g is also very passionate about, (2) i already got well too acquainted with the system and atmosphere, (3) i already established close friendships and connections with its people, and (4) benefits-wise, p&g would allow me to jumpstart my future.

thesis.  one word that college students would like to erase in any vocabulary.  and similar to anyone else, it kills me and my thesismates physically, mentally, and financially (mind you, our prototype would cost the five of us no less than 200,000 pesos).  sometimes it leaves me to doubt about its purpose.  there's this one-year ojt that we're having and i bet our respective superiors could say that we're ready enough for the corporate world.  so what's the point in making a hundreds-of-thousand-pesos worth of prototype which the department would scrap and junk after two trimesters of displaying it in a machine shop whose average visitors per month would not exceed 100 (including the students who have to go by the shop by academic necessity)?  i know, my rantings would not change anything.  burn, jc, garrick, and jonaths, let's meet again this week ayt?  we need to purchase a sandblaster - urgent.

leadership trainings.  i was asked by my dear alma mater, paco catholic school, to be the trainor and youth minister of its young leaders.  i simply can't say no, i myself benefited a lot from the school with regards to my leadership skills.  i started giving trainings last saturday, and will do the same for the next few saturdays or so.  new audience every saturday and that means new modules per weekend.  some activities would work for elementary students, but would not for high school studs. 

ojt at day, work at night, ministry at weekends.  good thing i was blessed with a family and a girlfriend whose respective understandings were simply unparalleled.  i make sure that i spend quality time with them per week, but i know they would have wanted more, and yet they never said anything.  i promise i'll make up with them, i just need to do this.  they know i have to do this.  i have to nearly-kill myself to establish a good position in the corporate world equipped with outstanding benefits.  for my family, it would mean an improved lifestyle for us, for my future family, and for the future nabos generations.  for my girlfriend, it would mean the life that she was used to, the life she rightfully deserves.

i'm no materialistic type of person.  i'm contented with life's simple joys.  it's just that i love my family and my girlfriend that much that i would want a good, comfortable life for them in the weeks, months, and years to come.

i'm careful enough not to hit the touchpad this time. 

rafael and roxanne: july 15 babies, belated happy birthday!

we grow old and suddenly we want to hurry things.  don't commit when you're not ready.  don't keep others waiting endlessly.  to fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.  don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.  to keep yourself warm, buy a jacket.  in the long run, it will be less complicated and less costly.  take care of yourself.  don't wait for someone to take care of you.  no one completes you - except you.

don't commit when you're not ready.  when can you say that you're truly ready?  why are there people who thought they were ready then things go blowing up their face and catches them unprepared with things they thought they were ready of?  or why are there people who thinks they aren't ready and yet they are the ones who could make relationships - and all other things that come with it - last?

i am not the type of person who'd tell you, "i'll do my best".  that line is for losers.  same as those who say "beauty is in the inside".  that line is nothing but a feel-good cover-up for ugly people.

many times i saw people losing battles, losing oppotunities, losing chances.  and all they say at the end is, "at least, i did my best".  whenever i hear this, i can't help but be irritated.  i wish i could tell these people, "you gave your best and you still fell short of what you want.  what makes of you?"

i don't do my best.  i do whatever it takes.

i know my best will be more than enough for most of the time, but not all the time.  that's why i don't just do my best.  but rather, i challenge my best.  when i want something, i'll do whatever it takes to get it, the right way.  even if it means crossing my limits.  there will never be a point in time that i'll achieve my "best".  being the best is not a destination; it's an endless journey of continuous improvement. 

same way, it's a battle.  a battle waged not against other people.  but against yourself.  your very own self.

i'll let you say what you want to say.  but when i say i will succeed, i damn really will.  because what i like best is being able to do the things that you people say i cannot.

it's alright, i'm okay.
i think god can explain.

life is so short for drama and petty problems.  so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly.  life is too short to be anything but happy.

nice quote, i told myself.  that is, except for one line. 

forgive quickly.  i must admit, there are times when i ask myself if i already have forgiven the people in my recent past who disgraced me intentionally.  in butch walker's words, they're the people who thought they're the only one that mattered.  and there's this itch inside me to put them in their place.  those who may read this may say, "si ryx kung magsalita, akala mo kung sino".  i don't care.  i could say that because i intend neither to threat nor to impress.  i could say that because i know what i can do.  and in my lonesome, i can let them realize who they really are.  my revenge is sweet and swift.  my peers could testify to that.

however, i also told myself that i already forgave these people.  but did i say that because i already did?  or because i immediately forgave them per se for peace of mind's sake?  or perhaps the question might not be, have i already forgiven them?  but rather, have i already forgiven myself, for allowing their ego to boost because instead of reacting properly and justly to their antics, i just sheepishly said that i forgave them?

on second thought, what good will it do to take my vengeance now?  i remember a line said by himura kenshin, my favorite anime character:

being strong is different from being right.  not because we won the battle, it already means that we have the right beliefs, convictions.  it isn't like that.

so, even if i take my vengeance now, would that really mean that i did the right thing?  will i really be able to prevent these people from doing the same things to other people?  will i really acquire peace of mind? 

saying goes, the end does not justify the means.  oh well, i'm putting off these thoughts for now.  let's just see what will happen in the future.  perhaps i'll have a clearer vision.