what im going to be doing later

this shit

but will never reveal just the same.

is that i still love you.

yes, i have been sleeping with other girls recently.

yes, she has come back, we met a few hours ago, we fucked, big deal.

but i still love you.

so much. so fucking much.

and these distractions are pitifully inadequate. you ask why i am smiling all the time? i have learned to keep my mind occupied. the moment thoughts of you enter my head, thoughts of us, i shake it off, sometimes literally with a physical manifestation of my mental resistance.

i hate him. he is the intruder, not me! and yet you treat me now as an intruder, your eyes betray fear of me, and you act as though i am a stranger.

where the fuck did everything we built go.

where the fuck did all those those times you told me you loved me go.

where in fucking hell did our relationship go? in a blink of an eye. one second you're telling me you love me, next you're gone.

you told me he was just some random guy. but now look how head over heels you are for him. i have lost a lot of respect for you.

you want to fuck him so badly, yet keep insisting that you dont.

i fucking hate this part of my life. sometimes i hope its the last.