http://pizzaface.tabulas.com PIZZAFACE i like sun, and i wilt and go dead without it. (sweden was probably a bad choice for living) i have zero self control, and i would try to fix this, except damn, does that chocolate bar look inviting.. i'm very moody and i whine a lot. but it's my journal, so.. deal. uh. and i'm not a bitch. really! :D en Tue, 24 Mar 2009 09:54:22 +0000 [then why can't i keep up when you're the only thing i lose] three-year-plan for my career at el-giganten. i've been having these terrifying urges to fix up my balcony and plant flowers. i tidied my apartment even though no one was coming over to see it.

this is all very frightening stuff, people. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO. i need to start putting up a better fight. i am only nineteen years old.

damn, adulthood does not know who they tried to mess with. from now on, i am going to be so immature and thoughtless it is going to BLOW ADULTHOOD'S MIND.

um. after i finish writing this three-year-plan out, anyway.

damn. the man got me after all.]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/04/17/@1406344/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/04/17/@1406344/ Tue, 17 Apr 2007 18:05:02 +0000 [you didn't care to know who else may have been you before]
i've been starting to get slightly worried about my grey matter starting to decay, as i read hardly any new books for aeons, stopped reading the morning paper regularly once i moved to solna and no longer got it delivered, and never discuss the goings-on of the world anymore. i even caught myself having said, consistently every time i went to the movies for the past i don't know how long, "oh, i'm really not feeling anything heavy today."

i haven't been feeling anything heavy for ages. as far as anything's concerned. but now i think i am. i've started wanting to go to the movies again, without necessarily wanting to see only vapid comedies. i've started reading books again - no, more than that, i've started craving books again; i've remembered what a passion i have for plunging head-first into a great new book. i think what it all boils down to is that i'm ready to start learning again, or just start thinking again.

at last.]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/03/20/@1390807/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/03/20/@1390807/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 18:32:19 +0000 [i could be anything you like] okay, this is me being extremely sneaky by writing a new blog entry in my extremely old blog. and now we will see if anyone ever notices it, seeing as how i assume no one goes to tabulas anymore.

oh my god, it feels weirder than i thought to be writing something on tabulas again. it doesn't really help that i read through all of my old entries before posting something new, which means that i'm semi-trapped in the state of mind that i was in in, say, march 2004, or august 2005. which is funny, because i was different then, and i wrote in a different way then from the way i do now. so you'll excuse me if a *snort* or a *rolls eyes* worms its way into this entry. i blame it on having my brain addled with nostalgia from reading ancient history diary entries.

oh, but although i am now mature and hardened by the trials of life and adulthood (i.e. i've graduated school and become of age) i'm very relieved to discover that i haven't lost the child's feeling of idealism and sense of wonder for the world we live in. i saw 'blood diamond' yesterday - horrifyingly good, by the way - and for some reason, a film about civil war and other atrocities that mankind inflict on one another made me want to see the world and experience all sort of things. ever since i left the theatre i've been filled with an urgency to really, do something. lots of things. to not waste any of my time, and to make sure i get off my butt and see and do all the things i've always wanted to do. and maybe the things that just randomly pop into my head, as well.

ah, life.

]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/03/20/i-could-be-anything-you-like/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2007/03/20/i-could-be-anything-you-like/ Tue, 20 Mar 2007 00:50:56 +0000 [lord, forgive me them saturday nights...]
this is what happens when i go out for a good night out with friends: i wake up the next morning with absolutely no memory of anything past a certain point at the bar, a big graze on my arm, a miniature war raging inside my head, and a very bad feeling about what happened last night.

oh, and as it turns out, two very angry parents.

confused? so was i. i spent most of the day trying to piece together the events of the previous evening, whilst feeling suicidally nauseous, and having conversations that went something like this:

Ã¥sa: well, it was after i bought you that tequila shot...

clara: you bought me a tequila shot?!

Ã¥sa: and then you disappeared for a while...

clara: i disappeared for a while?!

Ã¥sa: --i think you maybe went dancing?

clara: i went DANCING?! at HOT COMPANY'S?!

soon after that i receive a call from a very pissed-off jonathan who informs me that last night as we were walking home i had, in the space of thirty seconds, pushed him up against a wall, tried to kiss him but promptly fallen over, and as he tried to help me home, accused him of trying to take advantage of me.

o_O

when he got to my place he had to wake my parents up and inform them of the situation, because he wanted my dad to help carry me up the stairs.

o_O

so that explains why my parents were angry at me.

i am never drinking again. le very big sigh.]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/10/08/@1301369/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/10/08/@1301369/ Sun, 08 Oct 2006 08:57:39 +0000 Untitled
but on the plus side i am now sjukskriven for sweden's gruppspelsmatcher! always something, eh?]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/06/08/@1218769/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/06/08/@1218769/ Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:27:45 +0000 [and here i rest, where disappointment and regret collide
And I've been thinking. A lot of people that I know are so pretentious about music, and what styles they like. There is a certain type of person that feels the need to announce what they consider to be their positive qualities to the world, because they worry that these qualities won't have the power to shine through on their own, I suppose. There is something of that in the person that talks about being so 'indie,' or tries to catch others out in their ignorance of some new, hip band - I hate that. It's snobbery, such terrible snobbery, pure and simple.

For me, at least, this snobbery with regards to music is so utterly confusing, too: I just don't see the point. I listen to quite a few bands that are, I think, technically considered 'indie' - but as I find this label ridiculous anyway I just consider it either rock or pop. I also listen to classic rock. Some punk. I love nothing better than singing along to schlager after a handful of pints. I don't even know what to answer when a new acquaintance asks me what type of music I listen to, and I'd certainly never have the gall to announce myself so immersed in a style of music that I could use it to describe myself - "punk", "indie", or such. (Speaking of this, I think it remains true that if you have to beat people over the head with having a certain quality, you probably don't!)

And that's okay with me. I consider myself to have a good taste in music, naturally. Otherwise why would I be listening to it? But this is enough for me, so what I want to know is, where does this need, to prove to other people that our taste in music is good, come from? What is it supposed to achieve? Oh, I find it all so strange.]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/22/@1205752/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/22/@1205752/ Mon, 22 May 2006 22:20:04 +0000 [but to be myself completely, i will love you just the same]
the crowd was actually really good. i'd been worried earlier, 'cause they'd moved the show from berns to annexet, and i'd thought it would lose some of the whole 'club gig' atmosphere. and, naturally, it did, but as it turns out, this was all the better; everyone was just DANCING the whole time. i've never seen anything like it. it really helped make up for me the fact that they played mostly songs from the life pursuit (of course) which isn't really my favourite album of the lot.

did i mention that i love stuart? i think it needs more emphasis. i can't help it; you would love him too if you'd seen the guy stage-dive and sing a song there, being held up by the audience (me!). <3 when they came back for the encore (if you find yourself caught in love and the boy with the arab strap. no sleep the clock around, v. sad) and i was singing along to all the lyrics, i had this flash where i completely forgot about all the other people in the audience, and just felt like it was just me there, listening to the band; it felt really personal, in some bizarre way. i think everybody should have a moment like that at any concert, really. ]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/17/@1201877/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/17/@1201877/ Wed, 17 May 2006 22:56:11 +0000 [and if the devil is six, then god is seven]
I spent yesterday wallowing in self-pity and being generally self-destructive, muttering clichéd things like "everything is so hollow" and "there is nothing to look forward to in my life now, because apparently a trip to Asia was everything in my life" (somewhat paraphrased) to myself.

But now my mourning period is over. Yes, that is something I decided myself, rather than feeling it, which I realise increases the chances of a relapse. Even so.

I am a flexible woman - or at least I've decided I'm to be one. One plan falls through, I can make another one. Or five new ones. Or, even better, I can stop planning my entire life, and see what happens. I am like Rocky, and I am not going to let any stupid ex-boyfriends make me feel like my life is useless just because he doesn't want to go on holiday.

So world, I think I may see you from London this fall.

]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/12/@1197297/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/12/@1197297/ Fri, 12 May 2006 15:21:49 +0000 Untitled http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/11/@1196193/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/05/11/@1196193/ Thu, 11 May 2006 08:38:40 +0000 Untitled
v. v. pleased with life.

:D]]> http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/03/03/@1142217/ http://pizzaface.tabulas.com/2006/03/03/@1142217/ Fri, 03 Mar 2006 10:15:17 +0000