I don't want us to drift apart. Just promise me we won't, okay? Promise me we won't.

I've been feelin` different these past few days. Last week wasn't exactly all right. So-so. It just felt like a blur. Yeah, things are a lot different now. Just don't have the slightest idea if it's bad different or good.

And the perfect word to describe me? Irresponsible.

Because that's all I've ever been these days. And let me tell you, it doesn't feel right. Not one bit. It feels like everyone's doin` the right thing and I'm bumming around, not doin` anything. It feels stupid. I feel stupid.

I miss you, Brooke. I hope you know that. I miss you. & if you could only hear me now. I really miss you, big time.

Please help me understand. I know it's not wrong to ask for your help. Hindi naman 'to masama diba? So please, help me understand.

I so effin` envy you right now.

All the while I thought that only ERF's were due tomorrow. Whoops, my bad. Syempre imposibleng isang requirement lang para bukas, STC pa. I went online only to find out that, of course, there are a lot [and I mean, a lot] of things to do for tomorrow and here I've been, dilly-dallying all afternoon.

Oh joy.

I feel like I've let go of it all, y'know?. I mean, it's like I'm so fed up of trying that even with school and my studies, I've stopped. I don't know why I can't motivate myself to work harder, or try again or to just even make an effort. I have no idea why it doesn't bother me anymore if I submit late or do mediocre homeworks. I don't know why the hell I've stopped caring.

And I hate this feeling of not trying hard enough. I hate the fact that I can't find it in me to work a little harder and be that version of me I once was. I mean, I used to stay up late everyday just to finish e v e r y friggin` homework. I used to study for e v e r y friggin` quiz and I used to embrace sleeping at 3AM because for me it meant that I actually did the job rather than convince myself that so long as I'd done something, that was enough.

I used to be good at this.

Then why did it all just stop?

I need to feel something, anything. I need to feel like I still have hope. I need to find something that'll make me function again. Because failure isn't working for me, and being this mediocre student isn't doin` me any good either. I don't wanna be this version of me. I wanna wake up and see that I can do better. Because I used to be better, better than this.

I've abandoned my Multiply, if yer wondering. I might get back to it after everything's done. Y'know. High school & all. I guess when summer's almost up. Everything's too dramatic right now. & see, drama's just plain overrated na. Ayoko na ng ganito. :]

Dear God,

Please grant me the patience and understanding to accept the things I cannot understand. Please give me the strength to put up with everything. Please help me to remember that You're always here for me & that they're always here too. I know they are. & though I may not understand why that happened or why she had to do that, I know that you'll help me try. Because as much as I wanna be okay with everything that went on.. somehow in my heart I know I'm still not. So please, God, help me to be that person. The one that understands, and is always there despite everything.. because I don't know how to be that person anymore. Not when I know that I won't get the same treatment back. It's too hard. It's too hard to need them and know that they don't need you back. Someday God, I'll understand. Because I know you have a plan for me & that you're only doin` this because you love me. I love you, back. You know that, right?

Always, Anne ♥

34 days in counting. 34 days 'til it's all over. 34 days left. What's the catch? We have a ton of homework, lotsa projects due, a hell load of quizes to take up, and OH, not to mention a killer final exam. So what's 34 days you ask? A NIGHTMARE.

It's been the 3rd day of my Hello 3AM phase. I haven't had much sleep yet since Monday and as far as I'm concered, no sleep does you no good. No good at all. It makes multiplication seem hard. Imagine what Erica thought when I asked her what comes after the multiplication part. "..Anne, iaadd mo."

Ganyan kasabaw 'pag Trigo.

Want more? No more. Manood na lang tayo ng Wowowee!

OOPS. Almost forgot.

THIS IS HOW WE ROLL, BABY ♥

&& I know you can tell, I just love `em :]

Vanity takes the stress away! The Gwapos Forever ♥

Today was, so-so.

At least it was this morning.

Waking up and feeling like something good is going to turn up today is so ten minutes ago. Hello pessimism. Welcome to my world.

Monique: "There's nothing wrong in hoping."

I know. There isn't anything wrong in hoping. I just hate the feeling you get out of it when you get your hopes up and nothing turns out alright. It sucks, okay?

It sucks.

I have a ton of homework to do and in no mood to do it. What's new, Pikachu.

WELCOME FEBRUARY!

I never thought I'd get butterflies again. Okay, nagffeeling kasi ako. Don't mind me. HAHA.

This is a very stressful day. I have so much to do and so little time. & I'm still blogging. I am such a procrastinator. So sue me. I have good news, and bad news. The good news is, MAY SUN NA ULIT AKO. The bad news is, I still have a bajillion things to do & it sucks.

The "bajillion things to do" list:

• DO CLASS COLLAGE.
• RELIGION REFLECTION.
• ENGLISH POEM.
• FILIPINO FILM ANALYSIS.
• PHYSICS HOMEWORK.
• FEASIBILITY LOGO.

So, that's pretty much itt. Better get started.

& I pray to God that she gets the strength she needs to overcome all the trials she's facing right now. God please guide her mother.. may she have a fast recovery. May Mrs. O find it in herself to keep strong and just have faith in God. We love you, Mrs. Obillo.

-- Ateneo admission letters were given today. Okay, so sue me. I just want something to brag about for once.

Recall.

Brooke: "Bakit pa kasi ako nagtatanong?"

& My answer to that is: "TAMA. Bakit nga ba kasi? Nadidismaya lang tayo sa tuwing iniisip natin yung mga bagay na may kinalaman sa kanya. Tama na. It's easier not to care na lang e. Mas madali talaga 'yun, Brooke. Hayaan na lang.."

Two words: FED UP.

Enough.

Anne: "Grabe, gusto ko mag-blog. Pero wala akong ma-blog"
Isabel: "Um. Iblog mo ako. ((:"

So if you think I wasn't gonna take it seriously, well you thought wrong.

See, the thing is I'm really sleepy right now and I can't really think straight. Haha. Yer asking me if I think Wall-E's a good name for yer disorganizer? Uh. No. I told you, Bumblebee's better. & although you may think that I am in no position to decide on what name you should pick, I still vote for Bumblebee. Wall-E is too overrated. & please do not pick Optimus Prime for heaven's sake. Not a good idea, Isabel.

I know lately it's been school & college and our you-get-what-I-mean conversations. I ALSO know that these past few days or weeks or whatever, haven't been that much easy on you. It's fair enough that I know what yer goin` through. 'cos despite the fact that you think yer pretty good at deceiving other people. I beg to differ. Maybe it's because I know what's goin` on in yer life. But maybe it's also 'cos it's too early for you to be okay. I'm not sayin` it's impossible. I'm just sayin` it's improbable. You're not all that okay. Do not lie to me. Because I know.

You wanna punch him in the face? I'll be standing right next to you. Because what she did to you, it's something I cannot tolerate. & no matter how many times you try to justify just how cruel she really was. I'm stickin` to my side of the story. Left. Again. You. Alone. No valid explanation. Took the bag. Did not give you the gift. Lame excuses. Effin` replaced you. You get the point. I just friggin hate her :) Sasabunutan ko talaga yun.

Find someone better. Just promise me you'll try. 'cos I don't want you to friggin` pretend anymore. For crying out loud Isabel, 'wag na 'wag mo sakin ipapakita 'yang "kasiyahan" mong 'yan ha? 'Wag kang tumulad sa kanya. Nobody likes that. Ikaw na mismo nagsabi, ayaw mo sa taong malabo. O, 'wag ka magiging malabo a? Leche. Do not hide the effin` pain from me, Isabel Maulion.

I'm glad that you're laughing and smiling most of the time. Just don't make it an excuse to pretend. OKAY? Because if you friggin` feel anger and pain and love at the same time. You shouldn't hide it 'cos of you're pride. It'll be easier to let it all go if you just admit defeat. Things will turn around soon. Trust me on this.

Y'know, Ily. & that I only wanna see you happy. I'll always be here, Isabel Maulion.

You've been having a hard time these past few days, I know. I can tell. Believe me, to me.. it shows. You're my friggin' bestfriend for crying out loud. I know when you're not all that okay. Blog mo pa lang e. Ako pa. Haha.

This is for you.

See that pretty girl in that picture? That's my best'est friend in the whole wide world. She's everything you're not. HAHA. Kidding. She's just, the best. No, she's not perfect, but that's what I love most about her.

I know you feel like you're not good enough. I know you feel like the people you love don't know you're there for them. I know that you really REALLY don't like yer 'rents right now. Trust me, Brooke.. I know. & I know that effin` research is taking up all yer time. The stupid musical play is driving you nuts. The fact that you have to deal with Physics AND Trigo makes you wanna cry, I know it's this stressed, STRESSED last few weeks of senior year. BUT WE'LL GET THROUGH. Remember? We'll be better. We promised.

Because although you feel like yer parents don't give a damn, I know they do. Maybe you just don't see it right now 'cos yer mad at them, but like what you said to me.. YOU'RE STILL LUCKY TO HAVE 'EM BROOKE. I know you are. & I know you love 'em to death even though your dad doesn't let you go out with us that often or the fact that they won't be there tomorrow. You still love them. Like how I love mine. We just have to understand them. Ganun talaga magulang e. Intindihin na lang ng mga anak. Haha.

& FOR THE RECORD: I'M PROUD OF YOU BROOKE. I'm proud of you everyday. I'm proud that yer a Theresian Mag layout editor at bruha, kung alam mo lang kung gano ko ipinagmamalaki sa buong sambayanan yun no. At na ikaw gumawa ng bandfest ticket. Jusko, kulang na lang ata ipa'paskil ko na pangalan mo dun sa malaking announcement board ng STC sa may harap.. "MY BESTFRIEND NILCAH THERESE MIRANDA ORTICO MADE THE BANDFEST TICKETS THIS YEAR" Bonggang bongga ka na ((: But seriously Brooke. I'm so effin` proud to be yer bestfriend and you to be mine. Kapag pinakikilala kita sa mga pinsan ko.. may kadugtong pa yang, "Ang ganda niya no? Alam mo ba nagmomodel yan. Tas super ganda niya, tas mayaman!" Hahahahahaha. I am not exaggerating. I love so much & I just want you to see WHAT I SEE IN YOU EVERYDAY. & WHAT I TELL THE WHOLE WORLD. That Nilcah Therese Miranda Ortico is one of the best'est people you will ever meet yer whole life. & she's done so much already, and anyone who can't or doesn't see that is plain screwed up.

I AM PROUD OF YOU, OKAY? I WILL ALWAYS BE.

AT kung naffeel mong hindi ka enough. LECHE BROOKE, AKO KAUSAPIN MO. PAPALAKIHIN KO ULO MO. 'cos you'll never be "not good enough", YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MORE THAN ENOUGH. I will always believe in you, Brooke. & the fact that anything you set your mind to, you can do. Kasi alam kong kaya mo. At basta masaya ka sa ginagawa mo, susuportahan kita kahit tayong dalawa lang magkasama hanggang sa huli. NAKS. Haha. I love you, Brooke. You'll forever be my bestfriend. NEVER think that no one cares what you do or that no one feels like you're here. 'COS I'LL I'LL ALWAYS CARE, & I'LL ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU'RE HERE. I'm your somebody when you have no one, remember? I always will be.

I love you, Brooke. Forever & ever.

Yes, it's official.. This is gonna be my blog from now on. I've decided to move since I found my old blog not only boring, but somewhat depressing as well. I wanna start over again. But this time, try as much to update & be less dramatic. It's so frustrating to be imo. Haha.

For some reason, I forgot what I was gonna name this blog. Naalala ko na kanina, nakalimutan ko nanaman. O siya, kapag naalala ko na lang ulit.

& since tomorrow's another school day. AND mind you.. Card's out. I have to end this. Tomorrow I shall return. Good night, kiddies.

Love, Anne ♥