A decision has been made, a decision that will change my life forever -- for the better, and even for the best. I know we both are entrusting our lives to each other's hand under the guidance of the Father. So this is what they call destiny. I remember writing a post about a love map (you may read about that here). Now I can say that I do have a lovemap! And that the once faceless man has been revealed to me.

I am ready.

Yes, I know I am. I am ready to put everything else aside just to make sure I don't lose my last chance to happiness. I just found what I have been looking for all my life and there's no way I'm gonna throw away the blessings that I received from Him. I will not let Him down too. As the playing song goes... I'll be true to the promise I have made... to my Mahal and to the One who gave him to me...

I love him so.

And I vow to show him everyday just how much I truly love him. Words will never be enough to express my overwhelming affection and passion for him. I may only have my love to give but I will make sure this love will go places, will solve mazes, never fazes...

We are ready.

Together, we will build our hopes and dreams and our foundation would be our love and trust so strong, under the guidance of our Creator. Together we'll be there for each other, for the family that we both long for, for the happy and contented life that we both deserve...

May God bless our love.

Anyways, this isn't a religious post.

I am actually thinking of the things (yes, that's material things) that I can go without but seems nice to have. Yes, I'm pretty contented with what I have right now but then I see nothing wrong with daydreaming LOL! And so I was mentally creating a wish lust (list) in my mind of the stuff that I would love to have on New Year's Day. Oh you know how great it is to receive gifts (though I'm fond of giving too) on a New Year -- new year, new things :) But then, I can't really expect everybody to give me those things I like not only because they're expensive but also because others may want to give me something else and I should respect and be appreciative of their choices.

And so I decided to write down the things that I would like to have -- either I get it as gifts from others or I buy them myself. Nah, I wouldn't include my dreamhouse or the car I would love to drive someday. Those are too big for me. I'll try my best to be as close to reality as I can. I mean, there are things that I have wanted to have so much in the past but it's either I can't afford it or I can but would rather spend the money on something more useful or practical or on something that will make my life or my family's life convenient.

But then, I'm almost 30 (Yes, I'm not embarrassed of my age). Why not start working hard for my wants? I have been working towards survival. I was able to sustain my needs in the past. I think I'll just have to work harder and I'll get what I want. 2010 seems like a good year... I have one whole year to get what I want... Ok, so here goes my list (not in particular order, just what comes in my mind)...

1. Green Sony Vaio Laptop

• Processor: Intel Core 2 Duo T5500 - 1.66GHz (x2), 667MHz FSB, 4MB L2 Cache
• RAM: 1024MB DDR2-533MHz
• Hard Drive: 100GB SATA 5400rpm
• Screen: 13.3" Widescreen TFT (1280x800 - 16:10)with X-Black Technology
• Optical Drive: DVD±RW Super Multi Double Layer
• Graphics: Integrated Graphics supporting 128MB
• Wireless LAN: 802.11a/b/g
• Weight: 2.3kg
• Operating System: Windows XP Media Center Edition
• Plus: Firewire Portand Flash Memory Card Reader (MS, MS-pro, MS-Duo)

2. Apple iPhone 3G

• The fastest iPhone ever
• Shoot, edit and share videos
• 3 MegaPixel Camera 
• Voice Control 
• Compass 
• Cut, Copy and Paste 
• Landscape Keyboard
  
• Messages 
• and many more!
  

3. Favorite Authors' Collection

• Jeffrey Archer
• Barbara Taylor Bradford
• Judith McNaught
• Sidney Sheldon
• Stephen King
• Robert Ludlum
• Dan Brown
• John Grisham
• Danielle Steel
• and many more!
  

4. Emerald Jewelry ... ahhh stunningly beautiful! Go Green! :)

5. Bvlgari Green Mother-of-Pearl Leather Women's Watch (sigh... I know, very expensive)

6. Bvlgari Sunglasses (ohh-la-la)

7. Fragrances for Women by Jean Patou

8. Victoria's Secret

• Lingerie
• Clothing
• Accessories
• Bags
  
• Shoes
• Swimming Attire
• Beauty Essentials
  

9. Manicure, Pedicure, Spa, Facial and Salon Package (pamper me.... LOL!)

10. Engagement Ring (hmmm... I can forget wishes 1-9 as long as I have this. Boy! I don't even mind a plastic ring as long as I'm engaged! Hahaha!) Save the best for last huh!

Oh well I had fun thinking and writing about my material wish list (or lust, whatever! LOL!). I don't know if I'll be able to get my wants for 2010. I repeat, I can live without these things but well, they're definitely nice to have! :) I am really contented with the material and non-material blessings that I am getting right now and I am more concerned with the non-material too -- e.g. good health for me, my little baby and my Mahal, fun learning experiences for my little angel, eternal love and passion between me and my Mahal, a harmonious relationship between me and my loveones, a strong Christian value, among other things.

But then again... If I can have it all, why not? :)

Hmmm... sounds like fun. I wonder if the management will allow me to go. I'm so interested with this, I do hope they would pay for my registration fee (if any), LOL! I mean, I hope they will support this activity and see it as an advantage if they would send me to the conference.

DEVCON events are gatherings designed to facilitate interaction among the software and web development professionals...

That's cool! The event will happen on December 03, 2009, (venue details to follow) an opportunity for me to interact with other programming enthusiasts (both professionals and students alike) in Mindanao! But I am more interested in the learning that I could get out of the activity -- the talks, the discussions, the debates, the hands-on coding, gosh! It would be fun!

So maybe you wanna register as well. Just visit their Registration page and fill-up the online registration form. See ya there!

I miss him.

I miss him so much, it hurts. He's been my strength, and my joy during the days we were together. When he left, it's as if I ran out of strength, and that there's a hole somewhere in my chest where my heart used to be. Yes, he took my heart away with him. He owns it now, he holds it in his hands. I have entrusted him with my heart with the capacity to break it. But I know he wouldn't. I trust him so much. He's such a wonderful guy to do something like hurt me. I owe him another chance to love. He renewed my belief in forever and lasting love.... Yes, him, my Mahal...

I don't know how I'll be able to go through two more months of not having him by my side. It would take extra-ordinary effort to smile and pretend I'm not hurting with the distance between us. Thank God for Skype, at least I get to see him and hear his voice everyday. I know it's not the same as seeing him and listening to him in person, but it's the closest we can do for now.

Sigh... 15 days feels like eternity. I still have to count 60 more days until I hold him close to my arms again...

Honestly, I feel cheated. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful that the Human Resource Department decided to map a career path for me and put me in the department where I should be. It actually felt good that they saw my potentials and decided that it will do me good if I am put in a more challenging position. I have nothing against that. What I didn't like was the fact that I seem to lose privileges instead of gaining some as I moved on to a higher position.

When I said privileges, I meant the convenience that was brought about by working at home. This is very important to me since I have a 10-month old baby at home who is used to seeing me everyday. Another thing is that I get to travel everyday -- I'm talking about additional expenses and time adjustment. All these are compounded with the fact that I have greater responsibilities here in the office. Sure I only have 10 workstations and 2 servers to monitor daily but I am fairly new in this kind of work and aside from monitoring the network and all the computer equipment installed herein, I am also doing PHP programming -- which I am yet to learned since I've only done VB.NET and C# programming before.

I accepted the job because it was indeed something I wanted to do. I am a technical person, a hardware techie by education and a software geek by experience. But I wuld have appreciated a formal training along with a formal transition, complete with a new contract that details all the changes in my tasks as well as privileges. My! I didn't even have an increase in my salary when I transferred to this position and they didn't hear me complain! I just hope they'll give me what I am worth, what I deserved. I mean, they took away my telecommute preivileges, they could have easily replaced that with another privilige or compensate it with an increase or just a daily allowance for travel expenses.

And now, after what, a week or so in this position, without a formal training whatsoever, I was already given a project -- a program that should be written in PHP. And it was assigned to me verbally! You see, I came from a corporate setup where every tool and application to be developed must go through a thorough system analysis to save cost and speed up the programming process. But they don't practice SDLC (System Development Life Cycle) here! I don't know if I can do the project. I really have no idea what to do, where to start... I feel like crying and quitting.

But I've never been a quitter. I've always been a fighter all my life. Thank God for inspirations like my little Nicholas and my wonderful friend and sweetheart Mark, I think I can go through this. I mean, Mark is right, I'll just have to do the best that I can do. Whatever the result is, I must be ready to face the consequences. And so, I think, instead of coding, I'll make a system analysis this week. I'll submit it to my Manager on Saturday for my progress report. Yup, instead of PHP scripts, I'll give him System Requirements. I do believe in the power of system analysis and it's high time for this company to follow an effective process rather than wasting time and money into programming systems that go on for months and months without the expected result just because it never went through a system analysis.

Ok. I feel ok now. I have ranted about this new job. It's time to do some work... Wish me luck! :)

 It was Richard's birthday. Yes, Richard, the guy in blue, sporting his ponytail :-P Oh gosh! I just realized Richard's 29 already! Or is it 30? Hahaha! Ok Bombie, don't be mad at me, you're 29, hehehe! His birthday was actually on the 9th but then he decided to celebrate it on the 6th since he's going home to his family for the weekend.

So we decided (actually, Juvy decided) to meet in Ranchero for dinner. Six made it to the dinner, though we have invited a few more people who can't come because the invitation was so sudden. Ok, let me do a rollcall...

There was Richard (Bombie) in blue stripes, Gady (Don-don) in red shirt, Noel (Mhags) in white polo, Floricel (Flo) in light pink top, Juvelyn (Juvy) in fuschia pink and yes, Me!!! Yep, that's my big face alright! I came in red and black diagonals (I am loving red nowadays).

So we had fun catching up with each other's lives, getting the surprise of our lives when we found out one's having this problem and the other one having that problem. After an hour of eating and chatting, we decided to spend an hour or so in a KTV (K-1 in Torres). There, Mhags belted his all-time favorite oldies while having a bottle or so of beer :) Well, they're not getting drunk really, just having drinks. Me? I don't drink. I was contented with my water. I don't wanna lay down next to my son smelling liquor, Nicholas loves to cuddle! :-P

Speaking of Nicholas, it was apparent durng that night out that I was the only one in the group who's got a child. Gady was envious because he wants to have one but I don' detect the same from the others. They're pretty happy with their single and "free" lives... Well, I'm happy my friends are happy and that they are happy for me as well.

It was indeed a wonderful bonding night! I miss my friends and it was nice to see them again. Hmmm.. Mhags will turn 30 on the 21st... Gosh! We're that old! Hahaha! Peace Mhags! I do hope I'll get to see my friends again.. and yes, with the rest of the gang.

for my one and only true love, Mahal Kita, today, tomorrow, forever....

That's one of the sweetest line from the song "Nothing can stop us now". And yes, it is true. There is a one great love who comes only once in our whole lifetime. Thus, one must keep an open heart, an open mind, an open soul to sieze the moment.

I have to chosen to give love a chance.

I have chosen to keep my heart open.

I have chosen to sieze the moment.

And yes, I am happy.

You see, with all the bad experiences I had with love, with men, others say I would be foolish to be in a relationship again. Well, let me be a fool, let me be stupid, if it means I could be happy and contented like this, so be it.

I took a leap of faith. I am laying down all my cards here. This is my ultimate quest for personal happiness and I vow to make this a worhtwhile experience. I am starting another journey -- a journey to a life full of love, of passion, of concern, of bliss, of contentment. I'm not going to waste this opportunity.

And so I may have to choose among many options. I may have to experience the consequences of my decisions. I am ready. I have implored His help on this. I may have to suffer some pain but it'll be all worth it. I have found what i have been looking and I'm never letting go.

I love you... thanks for making me live again...

Career-wise, I had a few transitions as well. The last time was when I allowed myself to work on something which is way below my capacity. No, I don't mean to belittle my present job. I love my job, this is my bread and butter, the reason why I was able to achieve the financial part of motherhood.

Yet, I cannot deny the fact that the job is not me. If one would read through my credentials, he'll be puzzled why I am in my current job. It happened several times. Many people have questioned me about my choice. Well, this was the first (and maybe the only) company which entrusted me a job during my most difficult times. I actually owe the company my survival as well as my little darling's.

Well, the company acknowledges the fact that I can do more. And that I am nearing the stage of getting burnt out. I wanted challenges. I want to practice what college has taught me. I want to work with hardware and find myself in the middle of networking equipment and gadgets. And so, I am about to go through another transition.

I will be assigned to another task. I am happy and at the same time worried. Will I be successful in this change? Will I be able to do my tasks well? I know I needed to read a lot. I have forgotten my networking basics and I am not updated with the current networking technologies. This is gonna be difficult!

But I am accepting the challenge. I will not let this opportunity pass me. This has been my dream ever since I graduated my Computer Engineering course. No one wanted me then though, they thought I am trying to do a man's job and that I may not do it right. Yup, I was unfairly judged. But now, I am given the chance to prove I can do a man's job!

I do hope I'll be able to work out my worries on this time of another transition in my life. I was able to do it 4 years ago when I tried Software Engineering, I hope I can do it again now. My fingers are crossed...

Hihihi!

The truth is, I'm still a little dizzy and exhausted but oh well, I had fun! :)

You see, I was one of the bride's maids in my cousin's wedding yesterday (yeah, the one whom I created the invitations for). The location is actually an hour or more (depends on who's driving, hehehe) from Davao City so me and my cousins (and aunts and uncles) traveled twice -- the night before the wedding for the rehearsal and on the wedding day itself.

I know I shouldn't have agreed on being one of the entourage since I will only end up hurting myself with the way my marriage life has ended (and began for that matter) but my dear cousin pleaded (sigh), I mean we're really close to each other. He even bribed me with compliments, telling me that he wanted a very pretty bride's maid for her soon-to-be wife so it's important that I'm there. Yeah right! But well, the thought tickled my fancy anyways! Hahaha!

So we were there the night before the wedding and got exhausted with all the traveling, especially that we have to look good and fresh the day after for the actual wedding.

I actually love witnessing church weddings even if I'm separated right now. I mean, my life is my life, the whole marriage thing has nothing to do with it. I'm not bitter about other people finding the love of their lives and end up marrying them and living a blissful life. A wedding will always be memorable, special, sacred and romantic.

And so I was all eyes and ears during the ceremony and got really busy (bride's maids stuff and taking pictures of course! hahaha!) during the reception. I love the motif. Royal blue is actually stunning and my gown was not bad at all even if it was rather big and long on me :( (guess I still am losing weight huh! and height? hahaha!). And the reception area is really beautiful! I love the place as mush as I love the food :)

I went home exhausted yet feeling really good. I don't know. It seems like the wedding made me wanna live again. It made me see the beauty and joy of life -- made me appreciate all the good things that life has to offer. Yeah, I feel good alright!