We laugh and we tickle each other.

We we're OKAY.

Then yesterday while having dinner, she said something that was over the line.

The scene was like this: We were having dinner while watching t.v. Apparently, he was always telling his girl that he loves her. Probably, the girl character kept on confirming or didn't believe. Then guy said "What do you want me to say!? That I don't love you?! Then fine! I DON'T LOVE YOU! Okay??!"

It was after this line that she said, "I wonder when *toot* will say that to you? (with a big smile on her face"

I reply: "You are the most inconsiderate mother I know on the planet." (pissed)

And then she laughs and says "Well, I would be so happy if he tells you he doesn't love you." (still with a freaking big smile on her face)

That was it. I walked out of the room, left my food, went into my room, locked the door and cried. How can my own mother wish for something that terrible?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. That was the most painful thing she could ever say to me. Or wish for me.Every time she would say something about my boyfriend that seems like she's trying to piss me off, I shrug it off because I know she's doing it on purpose. What's the point if I get pissed? It's not like it would do me any good. But this instance, hearing something like that from her was.... Just plain... CRAP. I don't know what else to feel for her. I don't know if I'd ever appreciate her again.

Why is it that I either cry the moment my day starts, or is about to end?

Why does it seem like my birthday is the saddest day for every year?

Why isn't my birthday a "happy" birthday?

No siblings to talk to. No instant bestfriend. No confidant. No one to share what you have in mind.

It's specially hard when everything you feel is kept inside and you're on the verge of breaking down.

Your emotions are tearing you apart and yet all you can do is talk to yourself inside your mind.

You have a best friend, who doesn't seem like a best friend.

You're best friend doesn't like the person you love; doesn't give advice that really helps; you don't even feel at ease opening up and pouring out everything you're keeping inside!

I envy those who have amazing relationship with their moms.

And yes, it is mother's day today.

But try having a mother who is terribly moody, untrusting, judgemental, and completely difficult to deal with!

I love my mom, I really do! But it's getting really frustrating and tiring to do so. I'm not quite sure if she's doing it on purpose or maybe because she's got health issues or I don't know. I keep wondering why can't we have a harmonious relationship; why couldn't we be close like other mother and daughters are; why she couldn't learn to listen to what I have to say, or think; why can't I consider her my best friend; why couldn't she try to understand me and how I feel; why..WHY!?!

I love my mom, really. It's just that I can't find the bond between us that a mother and daughter should have. And that hurts me. It really hurts me. I want to establish that bond, I try. I really do. But my tries end up nowhere. I get nothing. Instead, we end up arguing, fighting, quarrelling, disagreeing, and getting pissed off each other. And that hurts me.

Sometimes I think she's overprotective or something.

Like for example, she doesn't like the person I love. Why? Because of some issues. (Refer to my first entry) But I'm happy! But still she doesn't see that, she doesn't believe that. She thinks I'm just going gaga over someone who's not worth it. I can't understand why she couldn't give the person a chance to prove himself. She's not God to judge other people. And she doesn't care that I get hurt everytime she bad mouths my guy, cause she believes in what she heard, in what she found out, in rumors, in stupid things that try to break us. She doesn't even realize how hard it is for me to be away from him. How I cry at night when I miss him; how I cry myself to sleep talking to myself in my head because I can't even tell my own mother how I feel. Or maybe, she knows how I'm suffering and yet she doesn't care. Should I consider it tough love? Oh come on! Maybe this is not the time for tough love, cause it's already tough enough. The situation is already tough. It's actually getting worst. Deteriorating. I don't even believe in the saying "Mothers knows best".

I wonder what is needed to happen for us to build the bond that I keep praying and wishing and hoping for?

Or will it ever happen?

She is really difficult to deal with. I find it hard to understand her. There would be time when she would be angry because she feels neglected. But when you show your affection, your care, your concern, your love for her... She would push you away. There had been many times when I tried bonding with her, getting close to her, trying to build a relationship with her, but it ends up nowhere.

I really envy those girls with amazing relationship with their mothers.

To you girls, cheers! Maintain that bond you have with your mom. You're lucky. Really lucky.

One day, I want to meet you down the road with the right woman by your side.

One day, I want to see you happy and contented with your life.

One day, I'd like to hear you thanking me for what had happened.

One day, I want to know that you've learned something from what we had to go through.

I know you loved me truthfully, loyally, and deeply. And yet, I hurt you.

I hurt you so much that you hated loving me.

I hurt you so deeply that you punished yourself for what I did.

I hurt you so bad that you couldn't even accept me as your friend.

I know you're trying your best to move on.

I know you want to get over it and forget me.

I just hope one day, you'd accept me back in your life as a friend. For, I do not want 6 years of friendship thrown away for something that happened. I know it was my doing, but still, if we are mature enough and we truly loved each other before, you would cherish whatever bond that still remains between us. And that is called memories.

I know the day will come when everything between us will be okay.

All I have to do is pray and wait for that one day.

Life is a learning process. We learn from mistakes we commit intentionally or unintentionally. And through learning, we grow as a person.

We may have questioned ourselves why those things had to happen or why and how could we have some things in past, but it doesn't mean you have to regret them.

We may not have the answers immediately, these things could've happened as a preparation for something bigger and better in the future. Ang when that time comes, looking back at our lives, we would understand why we had to go through such moment in our life.

Yes, I say not liking because hating would be a bit too much and I would be hurting myself if I use that word.

You cannot judge someone and not like them without knowing the person first. So, how can you say that you don't like the person?

I just don't get why they feel that way when in fact, and I'm sure, that they could clearly see and feel how happy you are with that person? Isn't your happiness enough for them to appreciate the person? Would they feel better if they see you grieving, sad and depressed just as long as you are separated from that person?

Yes, I am taking it as a challenge of Me and Him Against The World.

Would you be satisfied if we prove to you we can survive this relationship and be happy no mater how many people disapprove?

Don't you even realize that you, yourself, are hurting me just by what you say about him?

And you call yourself CONCERNED?

Yeah. Right.

I would understand if you say you have your reservation of doubt for him because I myself still has my own reservation of doubt. But I don't let that affect our relationship. Things happen for a reason and I believe God has a plan for all of us. That's why I'm with him. And that's why we have this trial to deal with. It's all part of the plan.

You could at least show that you are trying to understand and accept our relationship.

AT LEAST TRY.

Even though I don't see why you couldn't and shouldn't accept us. It's the least you could do.

Because of what you are telling me or showing me, and making me feel, I think that you're so FAKE.

You pretend that you're okay with us, with everything, but between you and me, we both know what you really feel about our relationship. And it sucks to be able to see that side of your personality.

I'd prefer if you could be concerned for me and look after me from afar. Let me learn on my own.

If this works, then GOOD for me. You'll just have to accept him and be happy for me.

If it fails, then SORRY for me. I'll have to accept defeat. And you WIN.

It's the risk that I'm taking, and it's the risk that I am fully aware of when I decided to go through this road of my life.

Listen -- if I have something to say or if I need to get something off my mind and out of the open.

Help -- if I need one and I ask for it.

Advice -- if I need one, I'll seek for it.

But unless I do any of those, TRUST ME.

At least you can trust me that I can handle this.

ON MY OWN.

Then stuff was said about Him. One significant info was about Him having a child during his younger years.

Well, that info came as a shock to Girl.

So she immediately asked him about the issue. And he cleared his name and told her the whole story of the issue. The Girl was immediately assured and trusted Him completely. She felt his sincerity and knew that every word he said came from the heart.

That was 6 months ago. 6 FREAKING MONTHS AGO!

Girl and Him had been together even if they are miles away from each other. Everything is going well and good between them. Of course, missing each other terribly is out of the question. They do. They do miss each other so much. But both are determined and fully committed to make their relationship work no matter what.

Now the same darn issue came up during a silent moment in the car between the Girl and her Mom.

It all started while in the mall, after paying the groceries. Dad was missing in action. Girl asked Mom to text Dad in order to know where he went. He might still be inside the supermarket while they had already finished paying the stuff they got. Mom then passed the job of texting Dad to Girl. Mom was always like this; she always ask Girl to text Dad when they are in this situation. Girl thinks Mom is so effortless. It wasn't as if she was going to waste a few cents over a nonsense text to someone unimportant. He was her husband for crying out loud! When Girl tried to convince Mom that she should be the one to text Dad instead of her, Mom snapped back with something about Girl wasting her prepaid credits texting Him. So Girl answered back with: "So? He is my boyfriend! And Dad is your husband so you should text him." And Girl was pissed off from that nonsense conversation.

The silent moment came, when on the way home, they all realized they had forgotten to buy loaf bread for breakfast and lunch. So Dad went to a nearby grocery before heading home.

Mom and Girl was left inside the car, when Mom suddenly asked: "So have you heard the news? Well, I guess you already know the news."

Girl asked: "What news?"

Then Mom, "You're boyfriend got someone pregnant."

Girl, who was shocked from what Mom said, asked "What? Where'd you get that story?"

Girl had only one suspect. The only possible person who knew about this story and who Mom could believe without even blinking an eye. It was Boy. Girl had recently found out that Mom and Boy was still communicating with each other. Probably by email or even by texting. She didn't think this would be a problem. Well, not until now.

Well here's what I've got to say to you BOY.

You don't have the right to say anything like that. You don't know the story. You're the past, get over it. If you're trying to ruin the relationship, well, try again. And again. And again. Until you burn out from trying too hard. So what if you think you have Mom's sympathy and approval? I don't care. I don't give a damn. My heart doesn't approve anyway. Or, since Mom likes you, maybe you two should be together. That's so pathetic, what you did. Tell more stories if you want, as much as you want. But look at yourself in the mirror and remember that you yourself have skeletons in your closet. Atleast He would be responsible for the child if the story was true. ENOUGH SAID. You know what happened. So stop trying to win everyone's sympathy, you got them already. Whatever issues He and I have, it's my problem. It's our problem. If you're thinking straight, maybe you would know where your boundaries are. KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. DON'T EVEN TRY STEPPING ON THE LINE. IT WOULD BE BEST IF YOU COULD STEP BACK 100 METERS AWAY FROM THE LINE.

If you, atleast, have any respect for me.