The trick is to keep breathing.

EMO.

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:57:07 +0000

Suot ang iyong itim na t-shirt at masikip na pantalon, ipagpapatuloy mo ang pagtahak sa madilim na eskinita. Pipilitin mong iwasan ang mga nakakalat na dumi ng aso nang huwag marumihan ang sapatos mong tatak-Chucks (na ang totoo’y galing lang sa tiangge sa may Glorietta). Habang sinususubukang hawiin ang nakaharang mong buhok, may sisigaw sa iyong likod ng, “Dude, you must be emo!” Lilingon ka, tatanggalin ang earphones sa iyong tenga, at sasabat ng “Anong emo?! Gago!”

Maaalala mong hindi ka pala nakahingi ng pera sa iyong nanay. ‘Malamang naubos na rin niya yon sa pagmamadyong,’ sasabihin mo na lang sa iyong sarili. Kukunin mo ang iyong iPod mula sa bulsa at magpapatugtog ng “Fall Out Boy” na kanta. Dahil gusto mong iwasan ang mga tingin at bulung-bulungan ng iyong mga kapitbahay, dadaan ka sa madilim na parte ng eskinita. Wrong move, pare. May tatapik sa iyong likod at magbubulong ng, “Pare, holdap ‘to.”

“Putang ina, bakit ba kasi naisipan kong magsuot ng makinang na sinturon, madali tuloy akong nakita ng buwisit na holdaper na ‘to,” masasabi mo na lang sa iyong sarili habang nararamdaman mong nakatutok sa iyo ang matalim na kutsilyo. Mapipilitan kang ibigay ang iyong iPod at pitaka. Pagkakuha’y kakaripas nang takbo ang holdaper. “Dapat pala nag-goth look na lang ako, baka sakaling mas nagmukha pa kong basagulero kesa lampang gago,” mabubulong mo sa iyong sarili.

Ang kakatwa sa pagiging emo ay ang matinding kabaligtaran nito sa naunang style na pagiging hippie. Taliwas sa paniniwala ng mga hippie, sa halip na ipalaganap ang kapayapaan, pagkakaisa at sekswalidad; pinipili ng mga emo na mamuhay sa sari-sarili nilang magugulong mundo, habang kinikilala ang iba’t-ibang mukha ng kanilang mga emosyon.

Ano nga ba ang nangyari sa atin na mula sa pagiging peace-loving at eco-friendly, ay napadpad tayo sa madilim na mundo ng pag-iisa at pagpapatiwakal?

Titingin ka sa salamin at pagmamasdan ang iyong sarili. I CUT MYSELF TO FEEL, mga katagang nakasulat sa iyong kumukupas na t-shirt. Kung sinasaktan mo ba talaga o hindi ang iyong sarili, hindi na rin ganoon kahalaga para sayo. “Kapag naman emo ka, ganun at ganun na lang din ang iisipin sa iyo ng mga tao, na sinasaktan mo ang iyong sarili, na wala kang kaibigan, na wala kang paki sa iba.”

Emo ang dapat maging salita ng taon, sapagkat di tulad ng mga salitang chuva, nosebleed, jabar, at iba pa, ipanakikita nito ang tunay na kalagayan ng bansa, o marahil, pati na rin ng buong mundo. Ang mga Pilipino ay hindi nabubuhay sa bansang tanggap ang mga bakla, at kahit ilang libong salita pa mula sa kanila ang maisama sa ating pang-araw araw na pananalita, ay hindi pa rin mawawala ang diskriminasyon at stigma sa kanila. Hindi tayo nakatira sa bansang binabalewala ang pagsasalita sa Ingles, at kung minsan man ay ginagamit nating biruan ang hindi pagkaka-intindi nito, alam nating isa ito sa pinakamahalagang aspekto ng ating edukasyon. Hindi tayo namumuhay sa bansang nalulunod sa pera, hindi mahalaga kung araw-araw tayong maghanapbuhay, at lalong hindi mahalaga kung tagaktak na ang pawis sa ating mga braso’t kili-kili.

Nabubuhay ang mga Pilipino sa isang bansang unti-unti nang nawawalan ng pag-asa, isang bansang makalipas ang maraming dekada ng kaguluhan at terorismo ay namumulat na sa mga realidad ng magulong mundo. Wala na ang panahon kung saan tayo’y naniniwala pa rin sa kapangyarihan ng pagmamahal, kapayapaan at pagkakaisa.

Gigising ka at tatayo mula sa iyong kama. Haharap sa salamin, mag-aayos ng kaunti at lalabas na ng bahay. Suot ang iyong itim na t-shirt at masikip na pantalon, ipagpapatuloy mo ang pagtahak sa madilim na eskinita.

Walang dalang pera, walang kinaing almusal, walang ni katiting na sigla.

Sometimes it just gets tiring

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 12:43:43 +0000

I posted the next lines before dito din sa Tabulas.

Shut up and read. :)

ewan ko ba.

pagod na akong mag-aral

pagod na akong matuto

pagod na akong maging masaya

pagod na akong maging malungkot

pagod na akong manloko ng iba

pagod na akong magpaloko sa iba

pagod na akong magsabi na pagod na ako

pagod na akong magkunwaring hindi pa

pagod na kong maging matalino

pagod na akong maging tanga

pagod na akong makinig

pagod na akong magparinig

pagod na akong magsalita

pagod na akong tumahimik

pagod na akong makiramdam

pagod na akong magparamdam

pagod na akong tumawa

pagod na akong umiyak

pagod na ako...

                       .pagod na pagod na.

    I know, medyo emo siya, but still. Haha :P

    One user commented with this: "pagod ka na bang maging tao?"
    It didn't make sense when I first read it. I didn't take it seriously because it sounded like a sarcastic joke.

    Pagod ka na bang maging tao?

    Parang out-of-the-blue na tanong. Parang, "Anong ulam niyo? Penge namang coke."
    Walang sense.
    But when I started thinking about what he said, I realized that it might actually mean something more (maybe because I wanted it to have a more philosophical meaning :P).

    Pagod ka na bang maging tao?

    Tama naman eh, we all make mistakes. You're not human if you don't. Hindi ka tao, pag ganon.
    O kaya naman, niloloko mo lang ang sarili mo.

    Hindi normal ang hindi masaktan, hindi normal ang hindi umiyak, ang hindi mapagod.


    Pagod ka na bang maging tao?

    Para sabihing pagod ka na sa lahat ng bagay, na pagod ka nang malungkot, masaktan, mahirapan, para mo na ring sinabing ayaw mo nang maging tao.

    Sino ba namang tao ang walang problema?
    Sino ba namang tao ang hindi napapagod?
    Sino ba namang tao ang hindi nasasaktan?

    Pagod ka na bang maging tao?

    Ang profound, noh?

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 09:23:54 +0000

ang hirap maging

ATENISTA.

*BOW.*

paolo likes to...

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:09:03 +0000

Got this from a friend....

Go to Google and type in quotation marks your name and then "likes to" (ex. "Tom likes to"). Type in the first ten things that come up and repost in your own blog..

1. Paolo likes to have his say. ...i guess so...

2. Paolo likes to serve this dish with rice. yung dish daw sushi. (huwaat!?)

3. Paolo likes to shoot. ...videos. There are no brutal Pao's in this world. Haha

4. Paolo likes to call it the death mobile. cause i was elected to lead not to read (huh? nu raw??)

5. Paolo likes to use a lot of silver which is his favorite material. san ko naman kaya magagamit yon??

6. Paolo likes to fix things and to take care of the garden or plants.

7. Paolo likes to type "funny phrases" into his Google. we have something in common! hahaha lol :P

8. Paolo likes to pretend that nothing bothers him. awww...

9. Paolo likes to follow me from forum to forum. Yep, my stalker counterpart. lol

10. Paolo likes to tell these nice little stories whenever he wants to avoid repeating his "I locked myself in the bathroom and puked on myself last night" ...sounds familiar. hahaha

Ten lang talaga dapat, pero gusto ko pang magdagdag eh! Bakit, angal ka!?

11. Paolo likes to lick my feet every chance he gets. ...i HOPE it was a dog they were talking about here. XD

12. Paolo likes to keep me company in my car. ..told ya i was sweet. lol

13. Paolo likes to 'burn the vood' ..whatever that means...

Waw... Ang random ng Paolo's in around the world! (Xempre! Duh!)

Uuuy.. gusto niya ring i-try! Hahaha lol :P

an update i doubt you'll understand

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 09:25:21 +0000

A lot has changed, and more 'stuff' will change, soon.

I can't really tell you what they are. Since they don't exactly concern you.

I don't have time.

I'm trying my best to remain calm here.

I'm scared, more scared than I have ever been in my life.

I hope I'll be ready... I want to be ready...

But I'm not sure if i'll be.

and all of a sudden

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:37:36 +0000

everything has changed.

ateneo moments (1)

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 07:13:45 +0000

while i was walking along the Blue Eagle Gym, I saw an Atenean grade school student being stuffed in the trunk of a red car.

no, he wasn't being kidnapped. but when he got out, i heard him say this:

"No! I'm claustrophobia!"

uh-huh... so much for our school's reputation of having fluent english-speakers.

but i must say i was impressed, back in third grade i didn't know that claustrophobia

meant fear of confined spaces...

or maybe he just heard that line from a scene from some stupid movie.

oh well.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

while passing the coño bench in front of the caf one day, i heard an enthusiastic guy

shout to another from across the bench,

"Dewd, I heard a really kewl jowk!"

suddenly catching my attention, i pretended to grab something from my bag as i waited for the guy's "kewl jowk"

"Why is 6 afraid of 7?!"

need i continue this stupid joke? ugh.

harry potter and the deathly hallows

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 07:23:53 +0000

The seventh and final installment of the harry potter series has finally been released!!!

And no, I don't have one.

just deleted (almost) all my links

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 00:48:43 +0000

I just deleted (almost) all my links, and I'll probably be putting up new ones.

Though not of Tabulas users. You'll see them in my Friends or Friends of lists anyway. :-D

And yeh, that's about it. Take care, guys. ;)

The Woman and the Tree, a Meeting No One Saw

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 07:48:54 +0000

The large acacia tree atop the mountain woke up to a dull, grey morning. It waited for the sweet whispers of the morning wind to greet him, but none came. His leaves dare not move, afraid to break the deafening silence. ‘It’s about time,’ the tree said to itself. And as it expected, an old woman emerged from the curb ahead. Her hair blended with the color of the clouds, her eyes a shade of blue the sky longs for that day.

She trudged up to the tree and stood up at its bottom, apparently waiting for something. The tree shook his branches, causing some leaves to fall off. Falling leaves in a quiet, windless morning did not seem to startle her. ‘Good morning too, old friend,’ the woman said, looking at the tree. Her eyes trailed off to the object carved in the tree’s trunk- a single, solitary heart.

The dark clouds that hung heavily, stretched amongst the grey sky, now watched the woman and the tree intently. Tears found their way to the woman’s cheeks.

The woman wept, but the sky still has not yet decided for itself.