In the last week or so, so many things have happened: graduation, my realization of my supposed romantic endeavors (which I decided not to pursue), the two-day Freshman Orientation at Rowan University, and every time I wanted to write about it here, something stopped me. It didn't feel right to write about it here. This was, in effect, my high school chronicles (And I probably used the wrong "effect". Oh well). It felt weird writing about my college years in a place where I've been so juvenile, so young, so heartbroken. I wanted a new start for college. And one thing in order to do that was to get myself a new blog.

The URL for it is right here. I invite everyone to follow me to the new site (and, for old time's sake, I'll probably have a link to this site). So, right here and right now, I bid a fond farewell to my high school years and hope to write about happier times there.

Michelle

Yes, after seven extremely stressful years of this back-and-forth rollercoaster of displayed thickheadedness, I finally told Brandon what had to be said.

Before then, Monday went surprisingly well, albeit a few minor quips: he almost got me killed after giving the okay to switch into a lane and a truck almost hit into my side, while at the mall, he dragged me into a prom dress store (instead of the other way around), and pointed out the Kay Jewelers store, saying that he wouldn't be going in there for several years. We later went to his house where he watched me play Kingdom Hearts on his PlayStation2 in amusement and took a walk around his neighborhood, where I went into a huge rant about Harry Potter, answering questions that anyone that had read the series once would know. We returned and ordered Chinese food and ate that while he made me watch this God-awful movie, The Covenant, which he claimed was his third favorite movie of all-time.

I was bored - the plot and the dialogue was completely stupid, and became worse when subtitles randomly popped up on-screen - and spent most of the movie wacking him with a ruler. When there was about ten minutes left in the movie, my mom started to call, and I knew that it was time to go home.

Throughout the entire day, I knew that I would have to break this news to him; I knew what I had to do before he invited me over his house, and even all the way back to his birthday (especially with the revelation of his intention to ask me out again, but I couldn't do it, not yet, not on his birthday).

He would have normally just given me a hug and left it at that while I went to Lexy (this is what I'm calling the Mexican Mobile), but I made him walk me outside. Once out, I jumped and sat Indian-style on the roof of Lexy, where I watched him.

"Do you remember the day we met and what I asked you?" I asked him. I knew he would remember; the reason that memory is so vivid to me is because of him and that he would bring it up every so often to embarrass me by the audacity of my eleven-year-old self. He nodded. "Do you still?"

"Yes," he said simply. He was no longer smiling.

I then proceeded to explain to him that I just wanted to be friends, that I told him this two years ago, and that occasionally, he said hinty, we're-dating-type comments that creeped me out. I also told him about the comment that he made of his wish to kiss me if I went to his beach house last year during Spring Break (which, he apparently doesn't remember) and that I actually had a legitimate reason not to go to his senior prom. I remember that I kept saying that these last seven years were a giant rollercoaster, sometimes with my voice cracking.

He talked of asking a friend of his out and that she might go with him to Oklahoma when he moves soon. I told him that I was happy for him, for I genuinely was. I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek - I saw that it was the least I could do, under the circumstances - and after he complained of the weather, I got into my car and started the drive home.

Despite the cracked voice earlier, I did not cry. I thought I would have - I was probably close to it - but I did not shed a single tear. I just felt relief and guilt, probably an oxymoron of itself. And I suppose if one is relieved with the outcome, they would not cry about it.

Besides explaining what happened to Anna and Hannah, repainting Balfe's room and a bit of work, Tuesday passed by almost uneventfully.

Wednesday came, and then I remembered how much it sucks to be in the other's shoes. Brandon is one of those people who posts his feelings in MySpace bulletins (and he follows by adding music videos). The heading said something along the lines of "Being in love sucks" and posted the video "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd. And then I felt even more guilty because there was a very good chance that he was talking about me.

I thought thatI was doing good by letting him know before it was too late (i.e., I was about to start dating someone), like Steve couldn't do, but instead the message was Having this told at any point sucks major balls. For a small moment, I forgot last year and how shitty I felt and how I was a complete mess for about half of January, something I am now disgusted by doing.

I don't regret any of it - really, he should have gotten the message YEARS AGO - but I still feel guilty, as it always ends up. Why do I have a conscience sometimes?

Did you ever get the feeling that someone you know is running into a brick wall to his own self-destruction and there is nothing - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - you can do about it? You just have to watch him arrive at that inevitable; all you can do is try to cushion the crash and see if he can pick himself up and heal. If so, good for him. If not, good luck, to everyone. It's one of the worst selfless feelings out there, to want to save someone and know that it's impossible for you to do so.

Yes, that was an unplanned ramble. Happy Presidents' Day, everyone!

Okay, I'm done with my Christmas rant for the day. I shouldn't even be really rambling now. Besides: Hay tres dias hasta que Navidad!

I'm finally on break! Although the need to do so hasn't been as great as in previous years - mostly due to being forced to stay home a few times in the past month - I'm not complaining. It's always a good thing to sleep late on a weekday where I have no obligations to anyone. And a weekend as well. Just ten minutes ago, Alison - a girl who works behind the customer service counter at Marrazzo's that I don't particularly like - called me to see if I could work later tomorrow. The time slot is 90 minutes less than I was working prior, but I'm not complaining because I get to sleep in late. Besides, I have to go to work at SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING on Christmas Eve. I'm not exactly looking forward to the timeslot. Oh yeah, and I'm getting the biggest size cappuccino that Wawa offers before I clock in on Monday.

On a brighter note, yesterday, I received my acceptance letter to Rider University and had a mini Christmas party with Heather and Sam where we were thoroughly amused by the Dirty Minds game I bought Sam (also, bombarding Jamie with clues was fun). I'm glad that Heather really enjoys her new 24-inch Christmas tree (with ornaments, lights, and a bow), and also, along with Heather's equal reason to celebrate, I'm thrilled that I got into a college, even if I don't necessarily go there next year. Yay, I'm SMRT!

I'll leave you with a couple of lines from a very famous poem by Clement C. Moore:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

• I am now eighteen. Except for when I use those few perks I have recently gained, I don't even feel it. I want to be a little kid again, but my childhood is officially over, and sometimes it depresses me.
• Semi was a lot of fun, despite the pre-semi mini-drama that occurred. I danced quite a bit, and that time spent in the "mom van" with Jamie and Keith behind the Golden Gate Diner afterwards was priceless.
• The actual act of me voting proved that I am still stuck in the limbo world of immaturity and adulthood: Although I knew exactly who and what I was voting for - and putting thought into it as well - and I worked all day at the polls with people more than twice my age, I spent a few seconds pressing the buttons just like a child stuck in an elevator who cannot resist to push ALL OF THE BUTTONS. You know, that kid you want to strangle when you have to take the elevator to the top floor just to get home after a long day.
• Wednesday was amazing. Not working until noon to finish my marsh report but rather after school. My interview with Mrs. Hill for my college letter went really well and afterwards, me and Heather went to Alexander - just like we promised years ago - to visit what teachers were left after seven years of abandonment. When did Miss Glonek go blond?
• My drama-free life was too good to be true. After a restarted aquaintance with Brandon started on a good foot, he dropped another bombshell: He asked me to his prom. Which is seven months away. I believe his mind is still set, despite my arguments of "Isn't it just a little too early to be asking anyone?" and "Don't you want to go to prom with somebody in your own school? I don't want you to feel obligated to have me trailing you all night just because I don't know anyone else." All I know of his ULTERIOR MOTIVES (and he always has them) is that he wants a chance to slow dance with me. And although it looks like I actually have a legitimate reason to say no, I feel guilty of doing it, but if I say yes, I'll feel guilty if I lead him on.
• The last Friday night football game of high school was freezing. And boring. And we so got our asses kicked. But the diner was fun, as was the little time I spent at Shelly's house.
• I'm almost done my Parallax piece, and I hope to finish it once I'm done rambling here and get started with all of my other homework.
• God help me on the GALRE test.

Okay, I suppose this was longer than I planned it to be. But I always ramble. And I'll write more since it feels like I'm going to lose my voice soon. Until next time...

It has been a very long and rewarding seven years that I have spent with Harry, ever since I stumbled into the Walden Books in Quakerbridge Mall - it's now called Borders Express - and became intrigued by joining the losing team in a Harry Potter trivia contest the day that Goblet of Fire was released. For the past two years, I had been in the school of thought that Harry Potter was this stupid craze. I remember mocking a classmate in the fourth grade for reading Sorcerer's Stone. And now, the day I returned home with my own copy of the very same book remains one of my most vivid memories to date.

And seven years later, the boy wizard still occupies most of my thoughts these days, especially now that there is only eleven days until the biggest night of my life.

I'm pretty sure if the ten-year-old me was able to go into the future five years a la Back to the Future she would not have believed that I turned into this Harry Potter superfan. She would have right out told you that you out of your mind (keep in mind, this is the ten-year-old me before July 7, 2000).

And now, there is only time between me and Deathly Hallows, the concluding factor in J.K. Rowling's septology (Rowling like bowling). She has so many questions to answer. But here are my simpleton thoughts on the seven huge questions to be answered in the seventh installment, as presented by the people at Scholastic (some who have even read the books):

1. WHO WILL LIVE? WHO WILL DIE? Since there are way too many characters to go into specifics, I'll just state the generals. The trio will live. Voldemort will DIE. Neville will finally have his moment to shine as he gets revenge on Bellatrix Lestrange for torturing his parents into insanity. Draco's dead, I'm still undecided on Snape, and Wormtail's gone. This is based on absolutely nothing. It would probably be more interesting if Harry died, but I really don't want him to.
2. IS SNAPE GOOD OR EVIL? He's good, of course. Dumbledore knew about Snape's Unforgivable Vow with Narcissa Malfoy and said, "If you come into a situation where it's your life or mine, you have to kill me." Besides, Dumbledore would never beg for his life. NEVER.
3. WILL HOGWARTS REOPEN? I think it will, but Harry's not going back for the formal education. Research, yes. Horcrux-hunting, yes. But N.E.W.T. (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test) taking? No. Ron and Hermione might be there more than Harry though.
4. WHO ENDS UP WITH WHOM? I'm not sure that with the task Harry has ahead of him in Deathly Hallows that this is a very important topic for discussion and theorizing; Book 6 was the big romance book. But generally: Bill and Fleur will (hopefully) get married without a hitch, Harry and Ginny will eventually get back together, Ron and Hermione will realize they have been idiots, and Lupin and Tonks will have multicolored werewolf babies.
5. WHERE ARE THE HORCRUXES? On a sidenote, my favorite debunked fact was actually that the plural of horcrux was horcri, but that is beside the point. There is probably one at Hogwarts, one at Gringotts (may suggest what the trio is doing on the children's UK cover), and I think we haven't seen the last of the Riddle house. Otherwise I have absolutely no idea.
6. WILL VOLDEMORT BE DEFEATED? Duh. Why is this even being asked? OF COURSE HE WILL BE DEFEATED (The real question is, will he take Harry with him?).
7. WHAT ARE THE DEATHLY HALLOWS? From what I've seen of the changed and translated titles of DH, it suggests that the Deathly Hallows may be the horcruxes themselves. I think one was the Relics of Hogwarts or something like that; I'm too lazy to look it up right now.

Remember, these thoughts are only speculation. I'm probably wrong about most of these, and it'll be hard to say adieu to Harry. I've pretty much grown up with him; I'm actually the same age as he will be in this book. I know that once I finish reading it, I will be slightly - if not completely - depressed. But until then, I can drive everyone I know up a wall and do the same with my utter excitement for the Order of the Phoenix movie coming out on Wednesday.

I would love it if you commented back with your thoughts, opinions, and sidenotes that I've finally gone off my rocket (you could even answer the Big Seven if you would like). It'll make me laugh at the very least.

One of the reasons I haven't updated in about forever is because of lack of what to say (though that is probably a little hard to believe with how fast I'm typing Chapter 19 so far). It's about the same with my regular journal: I don't know what to put down, and on here it's harder because even though Heather is pretty much the only person who visits, I don't know that. I don't know who else reads this (if anyone). I'm usually at a blank, and the only reason the statistic of visitors looks so high is because I come to the main page almost daily to answer the Harry Potter trivia question. I've gotten everyone I've taken right so far.

What I can say without worrying who reads this is that even though I'll miss the people and a couple of the classes, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SCHOOL FINALLY LETS OUT. It has just been a stressful year; certainly not one I would ever wish to relive. I am definitely in a better place than I was six months ago (and I have learned my lessons the hard way), and I just want to get away from that and start my senior year fresh and anew. Well, my schedule kind of sucks, but I'm no longer taking Calculus and I'm leaving Miss Fowl behind, so it's not all bad.

I still want to keep the site (aside from my constant brain farts). It sometimes helps with my inability to speak up, and it's a healthier way to express myself than bringing an AK-47 out on everyone (which I would never do, by the way). I'll try to work on the updating situation; maybe I'll go back to my old way of updating by riding over to the public library on my bike so I can save whatever little precious money left from my paycheck and tips from being guzzled up by the gas tank.

So here's to the next school year. May it turn out better for me, the people be less annoying, the classes end up managable, the good times be memorable. Oh, and I'll give my regards to the school for you all since I have to go there three days after school officially ends.

I figured that the ONE day that single people hated being single had to be recognized, even for the regular single person such as myself.

Besides, to everyone else, it's merely WEDNESDAY.

Though I did get wished a Happy Valentine's Day from someone who isn't in my family. Yes, if you couldn't already guess, it was Brandon.

At least the sole good that came out of NSA was that we got a snow day. Which means a holiday from seeing those I don't want to see and a hatred that I'll have to see them tomorrow, along with a Health test in a class that are only taking up space. Except for Brittaney, Keith, and a couple other people. Though I was going to wear my FCUK shirt to commemorate the day. Oh well, there's always tomorrow...

And, let's not forget that LOST is coming on at 10. And I'll probably type my AP English essay and watch 24 until then.

I've been doing a lot better since my last blurb, though I'll miss the comment convo Heather and I were having. I seriously thought that the Junior semi would be one of the most awkward experiences I've had in my life (thus far), but I had a blast.

I didn't expect to, with all that's happened in the past six weeks.

Actually, what also came with that was the farewell of my voice (for now, I think). It started yesterday, and now I can barely talk. (Hey, it's not so different from normal where people can barely understand what I'm saying half the time.) So I'll probably sound like Steve did when he lost his voice -- and people cheered. Maybe not.

I'm still cold. Very, very cold. And the cold me can't wait until Super Bowl XLI, except that I want Kevin Federline to die. He has no talent, so why did those people get him on a commercial?

"Honest to God, did Matt Stone and Trey Parker have it right on South Park when Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny learned that Earth was merely a reality show about to be cancelled? It has to be. There's no other way. There has to be someone pulling the strings who wants nothing more than for me to suffer as much as humanly possible."

There, folks, is your only look (for now, I believe) into the soul of the Demigod, a.k.a. where that excerpt came from.

Okay, it's been for a little more than the nine days. Maybe a couple weeks would be a little more accurate. It's just that I've been a wreck and I don't really have nobody to talk to, and even if I did, I can't do that because I'm really bad at "confronting my feelings." I swear, I'm worse than a man at this. I'm lost and confused. Oh, and I'm a coward. And this all fucking sucks.

I also believe since New Year's that I've lost a bit of my enthusiasm for writing NP. I just stare at Demi and make up excuses about how my computer's not working (technically, it is, but it really is screwed up right now). I want my enthusiasm back, and I don't know how to get it.

I dunno. Sometimes I feel school is just as pleasant as home, and it wasn't any better with the "official" announcement that Bongiovi is leaving in two months. Now that just really pissed me off. Not at him, but at the Board and the people in charge of my education. I said to Sam one day that I "wouldn't take an English elective course next year because looking at the mediocracy of the English department here, I'd rather wait until college, where at least it'd be better."

It turned out I was a bit right, wasn't I? Not that I'm taking this in stride. Actually it's downright pathetic that I'm right.

Like I said, 2007 is so my year.