When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,

High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Please don't take this away from me. :(

I'm losing my touch.

I'm dreading my Arch subjects because it's only a painful reminder that I'm not yet good enough. (and God forbids, never will be.)

I can't draw a simple lavatory and water closet.

I so wanna cry right now.

Please Paula, get a grip, don't cram and learn from your mistakes. (draw your dimensions the way it's supposed to be drawn, woman! ._.)

And some reminders:

You will do your sketches and revise your exercise today.

You will NOT cram the plates. Ever.

Eye on the prize, dearie.

4 years you will be doing this.

(and much, much more! Brace yourself for the ride.)

Paula: Black kasi maitim ang budhi mo.

Marmar: FO, Paula. FO!

Paula: Friendship Over, Friends Only or Fuck Off?

Marmar: FO.

HAHAHAHA!!

Nasasabaw na ako sa buhay.

Pero wee, ako sa pop quiz sa Eng 12! Hahaha!
Parang bata lang na uber sa pagka-grade conscious no? But okamon! Hindi ako nag computer kagabi para basahin yung reading. The sacrifice paid off. :D

ANG SAKIT NG BINTI KO. Punyeta.

Pag kailangan mo ng jeep, walang darating. Pag malapit ka na sa paroroonan mo, tsaka tatambakin ng jeep. GRR.

At baka next week pa ibibigay yung results ng long exam namin. (one word: YEHEY! Hindi pa sira ang araw/linggo ko! :D)

Pero pakshet parin. Sakit talaga ng binti ko.

Ha! Walking for Fitness. Walking! How hard can that be right?

I kill myself now.

(but wait! there's more)

HINDI MASAYA ANG ESQUISSE NG ARCH 10. Seryoso, dapat siguro sa kanang kamay ko.. ipa-spa every month para hindi magtampo. Baka biguin nalang ako bigla pag sobrang inalila ko e. Hehehe, love you, rightie. :D

Hindi na ako tinantanan ng hagdanan na yan. Huhu. Dagdagan mo pa ng banyo. *cries*

It was supposed to be a date.

And yet, when I saw her, her blockmate was with her.

I mean, he's ok and all but really, she could have told me beforehand. I'm not really good when it comes to interacting with people I am forced to meet. Syempre, hindi ako makarelate since they're both Ateneans so what the hell do I fucking know right?

I acted like a complete fool. And to top it all off, just because I babble random shit, it doesn't give Louise the right to get pseudo-angry at me with all the drama. Nakakahiya at ako ang napapahiya. I guess it's ok kung kaming dalawa lang pero come one, kasama nya yung blockmate nya e. It's really awkward.

I don't like the unnecessary baggage.

Sorry.

I'm selfish that way.

hard at work.

(Stolen from Rod's Multiply. Thanks. :D)

2. Multiply's getting more comments than my Tabulas but it won't mean I will cross over the dark side or something. I still love you, Tabbie sans the exposure. :D There are some things that are better written here than there anyway. (don't get me wrong; i'm not backstabbing anyone from my contacts there.) Mas ok nga dito kasi FCO ang Multiply ko. :D

3. I have a lot of things to do and yet I'm using that time to blog. Hahaha! Motto of the year: SA MONDAY NALANG!

4. Ang sarap ng Otap ng Shamrock. :D

I dunno.

To the point that I'm making school as my excuse not to see/be with them.

Don't get me wrong. I miss my friends more than anything else in the world but why I can't find the time to be with these guys?

Nobody knows.

Or maybe because it's my period. That's why.

I have a boxful of excuses.

Monday. Yes, iron it all out on Monday, dear.

Me: Asshole.

*class laughs*

Later during the discussion...

Ma'am Tope: Jason is such an asshole no?

HAHAHAHAHA! I love this class. 8D

I shouldn’t be writing this in public because this is way too much information but that defeats the very purpose of blogging, which is the only place I can freely vent out my frustrations.

So, last night, my mother borrowed money from me again. I was reluctant to lend her because she still has not paid me from the previous one she borrowed. Anyway, I told her I don’t have money even though I do but I later changed my mind and decided to lend her another thousand bucks. Of course, she got angry and all because “I was hiding money from her” daw which merit another sermon for me about it. I mean, I was majorly pissed that I kept saving all my money only to be borrowed again and again with no guarantee that I will be paid back as soon as possible. She was mad as hell and I cried because for weeks now, I’ve been very strict with my purchases so I can save money enough to open that bank account. I was supposed to deposit it yesterday but of course that didn’t happen.

My money is with my mother and I’m still an 18 year old kid who stashes her money in a paper wallet with no savings account to my name.

And now I learned from Aling Aida that my mother is actually up to her ears in debt.

Maybe I don’t have the right to complain about my mother’s debt to me because she has to swallow her pride and ask from me simply because there is no one else.

Naiiyak ako kagabi dahil lahat ng pinaghirapan ko na ipunin na pera ay uutangin lang ulit pala.

Naiiyak ako ngayon dahil  naaawa ako sa nanay ko at wala akong kwentang anak. Siguro nga may katotohanan rin yung sinabi nya sa akin na hanggang ngayon ay naglalaro parin sa isipan ko.

I don’t want to live the life my mother is living right now.

I don’t want to stoop down so low as to ask for some money from my children (assuming I will have one). I don’t want to tire myself to death for nothing. I don’t want my children to hate me like what we’re doing now. I don’t want to be so frustrated with life to the point that I will have to vent out my frustration on the ones I’m supposed to love.