[ this is for Us..shinxbeany 2005-2006, and still loving]

no chains on you baby,

no chains anywhere but on me 

no thorns bound around you baby,

'cause they're bound around me

no hatred in me baby,

all i've got is love

but i guess it ain't enough.

______________________________________________

you say i've bound you but i've never held you back

you say i've leashed you but i've never forced what you lack

you tell me i've abused you but the bruises are on me

you say that i have used you but the used one is just me

...

i want to fly but i can't leave you

i want you to come fly with me too

isn't that what you wanted before,

to fly with me to nevermore?

so baby let's go

leave it all behind

leave behind your hate and leave behind the sadness

take only our love, take only this sane madness

Beloved, take my hand

though bruised by your own

Beloved, hold on

hold on

hold on 

______________________________________________

here and now, Beloved,

We are Alive

i am not your enemy

these arms are not here to hurt you

these lips are not here to kill you

i am She Who Loves

and there are no chains on you

i am Yours and this is true

so let go this lover's blue

...

do you remember our wedding vow, the one we wrote ourselves?

"thus it has been said, thus it shall be" 

oh baby don't forget

darling please don't fret

you've wounded me inside but i never left

you've bruised me outside but still you are not bereft

Beloved, i am here..

and i am yours alone.

there are no chains, no thorns, no painfully burning flames.. 

there is only Us.

there is only Love.

...

 no chains on this fragile tuesday

no thorns round our bleeding hearts

no hate in this broken flesh

our love is still the best.

______________________________________________

"though my soul shall set in sadness i will rise in perfect light

i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"

______________________________________________

fin

why am i still putting up with this? 

[ station ]

In your surreal desertion, wherein I did not even deign to return your farewell, my insides jostled obscenely; I feel mangled, gouged, yet incredulously contemptuous. I am the word SHATTER, yet all there is is but a dent in my heart; cream, I am, creamed, melted from a sardonic paranoid steely egg into an impossibly soft foamy mass, so different from this flesh whence come all these emotions. I feel like the word RELISH; a creeping stain, a slow yet impudent ooze, a rather vulgar phosphorescent blur slightly in the line of your peripheral vision eating up the floor without even stepping away from this single tile. Impersonal, lurid, I lurch glibly towards lush hysteria as I cradle the last vestige of my mutilated dismay (that I feigned innocence of) to spare you being bestowed it as a parting gift.

All of a sudden I stumble on my unnatural goal, and I feel a frivolous urge to weep, break, explode; the leash called Shame is the only thing that keeps me from mutating into a swashbuckling blitzkrieg, followed by a sheer surge of toxic lassitude.

Of my own volition I loosen slightly; my eyes gleam strangely in the fluorescent light, then glisten fully with liquid glass. I have been claimed by inertia; here I stand (or, more accurately, wobble), trapped in a futile attempt to betray myself, wantonly recalling the unreal hush and the mad rush of pain as you said goodbye. With a hefty amount of vertigo I begin to wonder whether all those wild jabs inside left scars—then I remember that there was only the infinitesimal dent like a crease on silk, marring almost none of the sheen. I mourn, as unfeelingly yet onomatopoeic as possible, for this inimicably disastrous crossfire of thought and emotion ripping my sanity to shreds and causing a repetitive metallic clang to echo in my ears.

Brutal, this love; what a travesty. We are utterly lacking in pizzazz, in glitz, like a tawdry whimper lurking in the shadows. Oh, how to purge this from my system, how to rid myself of this sordid bathos? Passersby gawk, I realize with a jolt that I must look stupid; but then again I am. Archaic, the feeling of the moment—does anyone feel this word this way anymore? To be a kamikaze pilot, what luxury; to speed through the skies then tilt and whizz down to the final liberating thud below.

Sudden silence; then again oblivion is what I crave. In the distance I hear the train rushing into the station, so fast and already too close for something so full of weight; with a sinking feeling I realize that I cannot stand the whooshing noise—why must it sound so? As I try to ignore the sound of the slipstream blackness seeps into my vision; the train hurtles into the station and in this final moment of consciousness the tracks tilt dangerously close and the rain pervades the strangely shrill lull like a talisman of obsolete synthesis.

~ copyrighted. please do not steal works, especially now that i'm losing touch with myself. i rarely get to write anything with sense. sigh. -_-' 

funny, this; i bleed so much for another, and here you are asking me to stop and try to love you.

 you?! you are too beautiful, way more beautiful than he will ever be. whenever i look at you, i think of angels and how strange it is that you look like one. it's funny that the way you look makes people stare; male and female alike are drawn to your beauty. i have seen only two people like this, one female and one male--and their beauty does not compare with yours. for a male, you are positively--well, positively NOT. you're too pretty.

what is it you see in me? how can you say such things, how can you say you empathize with my agony for one who will never understand it? how can you say you love me?

jin.

you are too beautiful to be true, too beautiful to be saying things like that.

you belong in the heavens.

and in the heavens i have no place.

(01:56 PM) May 20, 2005 (Friday)

a revelation?

no...it was there all the time, lurking just under the thin film of my consciousness.

i knew, but i did not really want to; hence the automatic brain fact-hider pilot.

but it burst out, like every single thing does sooner or later. and like always with you, i am stabbed deep---
i feel it, a single deep hit inside my chest, then an excrusiating corkscrew-like twisting.

and then just as suddenly, a strange empty place where the stab had been; raw, throbbing, and filled
with nothing.

nothing---until the great warm gush of blood, draining me of myself; in the unstoppable rush are dreams,
nightmares, words, silence, and everything that was and is I.

i see you, i know you, You Are; i bleed for everything you are and everything you will never be, for your
dreams and fears and tears, yours and yours alone. i bleed for the love that will never be mine; for the hate,
even, and for everything that breaks you and crushes you and throws you down bruised and senseless and
alone.

right now, i want to rush at something, anything--hit this mirror or those windows, the door, the walls,
anything i can reach; to ease this pain inside me and to feel the real raw pain bursting and exploding and
breaking apart my skin, to see the real blood flowing.

what is real?

this silence, this catatonic unmoving, this cathartic inner breakdown. i sit, still and silent, a statue with a
bleeding, twisting, self-destructing heart.

i have gotten so used to sitting silent and letting it all wash over me that now, when i wish i could do
something, i cannot move an inch.

so i continue life with this metaphorical bleeding inside; would you stop it if you knew? perhaps, perhaps
not. metaphorical pain is not strange to you anyhow (is there such a phrase?). then again...

why would you even want to do so? i am nobody important.

i am only just another human being. i am nobody special.

i am only me.

...

oh, anyone for fresh blood? there is plenty here, warm and thick and flowing free from this new wound
dealt me. take it all, drain me, don't let me get away alive.

...i thought not.

<< mortality is extremely demoralizing. >>

it makes me think, somehow...gods and the like must have a pretty hard time trying to cover up their
mistakes; being human, you can just say you are imperfect and that'll be done with. but with gods...you
cannot be imperfect---maybe that's why they made up the story about us having to learn and getting our
share of karma and all that jazz...or else That Guy Up There just has a really sick sense of humour; we pay
the price and for what we don't know, we suffer ourselves a lifetime of pain so that we'll qualify for a slot
in the heavenly apartments that no matter how you view it you will never be sure they exist.

the faithful have definitely less words to say about the matter, excepting the priests and what-not.

too bad for you, i'm not quite sure about myself at the moment.

hence the barrage of words that have nothing to do with your life at the moment apart from being one whole
waste of time.

...

mmm, cookies.

yay.

<<other words at the bottom of this post>>

 ...

woohoo!!!

Dream Theater live in Budokan Hall, Tokyo!

oh,  the greatness...

*bows in awe* 

John Petrucci plays his guitar like there's no tomorrow (not even a later, even..), while John Myung shreds the bass like crazy!

Mike Portnoy and Jordan Rudess are equaly proficient...as for James LaBrie, ALL HAIL PROGRESSIVE ROCK!!!!!

this dvd was a present to me on my birthday (february 24) and i never got to watch it until now.

oh, happiness!

*dies*

must...see...them...live....

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

<< as for my other words.... how does one love a wraith of the ashes of the past? nothing is ever forgotten, really. why fake optimism? i disbelieve what i am meant to believe; all others do the same. why bother?

i am the wraith; you are the angel. would you still love me then? whether i am human or demon or merely a mirage, would you still have me believe that you love me truer than even that empathy which you have for my worthless existence?

 i don't know what to believe anymore. if i told you i loved you, would you believe me? would you love someone who does not exist, someone who is but a shadow of a dream that a child long ago used to have?

i have lost myself. would you still love me then?>> 

wooooooooo.

the kitty plushie is so CUTE! ^-^

*hugs the plushie* 

oh, so kawaii...and it's even got tiny little blue button eyes!!!

=O.O= 

*pokes little button eyes* 

waaaaaaa.....

=^w^= 

...and Steve Vai is CRAZY!!!!

the alien guitar god!

waaaa!

=@_@=

i am utterly mesmerized. 

i wonder when i'll get that good.

*dies*

oh yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!! 

STEVE VAI is THE ULTIMATE GUITAR GOD!!!!

...but of  course,   John Petrucci (Dream Theater) and Joe Satriani are in on the godhood.

yeah? yeah!

//=^0^=\\

...Y E A H ! ! ! 

and yeah, sorry for wasting your time.

*WATCHAKABOOM* 

=^.^= 

...oh, the greatness of me!

wahaha.

watchakaboom!

 :ninja:

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/N/nakiko/1043244108_llapromo32.jpg" border="0" alt="mitsuko"><br>Congratulations you're the beautiful, sleek and<br>deadly Mitsuko Souma. With a cool calculating<br>plan of attack you take on the opposition.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/nakiko/quizzes/Which%20Battle%20Royale%20Character%20are%20you%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which Battle Royale Character are you?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="quizillahttp://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>