proceed with caution!

I have missed that feeling.  That feeling that you have when there arent any complications in your life, like you do now.  When the biggest problems you have were heartaches, grades, school projects, and where to go during the weekends.  It's all different now.  I wish i could turn back time and relinquish the good old times with my "brothers." 

We do have to let go.  We cant stay in there forever, even if we enjoyed every moment of it.  It is time to write another chapter in our life, and look for more adventures, with other people. 

When all the stress just piles up within me, it's these happy memories that make me enjoy what i have now.

I finally saw my sister's wedding video.  Damn!  I really should push myself into losing more weight.  I looked like some tomato with spiky hair and bangs in a tuxedo. 

Financial droughts continue to hover.  What's new?  Cingular just sent me a letter stating that they are asking for a deposit for their service since i did not use a credit card or something like that.  was that the "fee waiver" that sales agent was telling me?  fuck!  They'll do anything to sell something.  She'll see me again if cingular does charge me 500 dollars. hmph!

Besides that, all is normal.  I am still thinking about purchasing new wheels for my car.  It's time for Cinderella to wear new shoes.  It is one of those times that i will act indecisively and just go with my instincts.  I dont know how to pay for that freakin' deposit if ever that were true, but i think it is manageable.  I guess it's back to my "rediscovering home" method of saving money.  I have been realizing that whenever i try to purchase something i really want, something just comes up and prevents me in doing so.  I bought a new car last year, the day that i was going to get insurance for it, someone from work did not return my misplaced wallet with 300 dollars inside.  I have a lot of plans for my car, but guess what? my "just to spend on" list just rolled down a mile long.  And these things on the list are obligatory expenses.  crap.

oh well.  cant be a fairytale ending all the time.

Bj went home, and we just decided to spend time at Denny's.  It's the usual, we have fun at denny's.  ill take a sampler. . .all the time. 

I just went home, forgot my house keys , cussed at myself.  good thing i still had my room key.  my room is not in the house, but connected to it. haha.  lucky.  with all the anti-frizz and wax on my hair, i went over to the garden and hosed my face and hair.  cold as shit, but it works. 

 II. 

  The only good thing when you have such limited resources(such as money) is that your skill of working around what you have is greatly enhanced.  sure, having an infinite amount of resource (such as time and money) is great, but the thing is, you'll depend on them heavily rather than depend on your own skill.  So if i have a lot of money, i could just build the fastest car around.  The downside to that is that ill depend heavily on the car, whereas when u have an ordinary car, you will eventually learn how to actually drive faster.  Some people may have a fast car, but they are not fast drivers.  why i gave this example?  i just served someone their ass. yeah, my car is slow, but I AM FAST!!!  sure, you'll kill me when we go straight, but let's see how good you are going downhill on a winding road. let's see you step on the gas pedal now.  BUT!!!  these activities should not be done on the streets! but sometimes, it's good to just shut the mouths of arrogant boys who cant drive. 

III.
  i hope tomorrow promises good times with friends.  i also hope that people from work will actually follow me to old town pasadena.

" Never risk more than you can afford to lose."

true.

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION WILL NOW COMMENCE!!!

people have been warned, advised in an orderly manner, and given enough time.

Some people, in my opinion, will not like me for what am about to do.

I dont like to do this, but i am forced to do it and i think that this is the only way to put things back in order.

And for that i am sorry. I am just doing what i have to do. 

I have been forced to a corner with no escape, and like a wounded dog, i will strive to stay alive.

Currently, i have no space available to take other people's issues as a liability.

I have lived most of my life with liabilities, and i have just started to find my own harmony and inner peace.

I will not allow anyone to intercept me right now. 

I am living my OWN life; with no one to please, and no one to worry about.

I will worry about these other things when im done worrying about myself.

After so many years, i will don this mask again.  This mask that i thought i wont ever wear again.

I will be a somewhat different person, from what i am right now.  The person who i was once will walk again from time to time.

I hope not to be that person again, but it is just necessary to be that person now.

So help me God.

I have to wake-up early tomorrow and buy a present for a friend, maybe get a piercing, and go straight to work.  man, i dont know what to say anymore!  let's get this week over with!   

another helpful partial quote from Yoda:

". . . Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously." 

for short, we should not be sad for the "loss" of people in our lives.

so. . .thanks to that chick who dumped me 3 years  ago, im glad i let you go. . .or i would still be acting like a headless chicken running around.  silly me.