"bakit? malungkot ka din ba?"

... that's a responsibility i chose not to accept. im a tree. . left unnoticed. . left alone. .days. . and months. . and years. . i grasped for breath. . and light. . and chance. . and maybe it will never come.

then your suspected paranoia came by. you were scared, and alone, and confused. then you sat with me. although i didnt know what to tell you, i  didnt know what to do, i started talking

"relax. luwag-luwagan mo ang kwelyo mo. dont get so uptight. sometimes, these people wouldnt mean to harm you. theyre just being themselves. eventually, youll realize that the only solution to your problem is to give someroom for adjustment. . and forgiveness."

i was surprised to see you turn your head. i can tell you were listening. i know you wanted more. i went on telling more sad stories. and i meant it. that if i was to claim the saddest story ever written, i might have made you feel good about yourself

"minsan, pag may problema ka, kelangan mo talagang makipag usap. hindi mo naman kelangan ng advice e. kelangan lang talagang sabihin ng bibigmo at marinig ng tenga mo kung anu yung problema mo para yung utak mo makapag react ng tama. minsan kelangang ipamukha mosa sarili mo na may problema kase minsan, yung utak mo kung hindi nagtutulog tulugan e nagtatanga tangahan"

then you smiled again. we sat and talk for hours. until its time to go. sabe mo pa "buti na lang nanjan ka, kahit saglit e gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko"

sabe ko naman sayo, try to learn new hobbies. sometimes, it helps to have a diary. likei said: write all your frustrations on a piece of paper. if you hate someone and doesnt have the guts to tell the person then write a letterto the person. keepall your hatemails and read them everyday. gosh! eventually youll grow tired of hating them. (you bet im keeping 2 or 3 notebooks)

then im alone, again. by myself, again. these lines repeatedly running thru my head . .

how could i possibly show you the right directions when im actually going nowhere?

how can i inspire you when my faith is dead?

your emptiness is a damp thats eating you alive and you expect me to wipe it dry.. but ive drowned and died in my own tears a long time ago..

your emptiness is one-tenth parcel of my entire being. and why will i dare help others when i cant even help myself??

youre lucky because i know how youre feeling. and i may have the chance to save you, and pull you up from your pit. but right now, nobody knows how im feeling. and if ive gone lightyears away from myself no one can tell.

i may never know when you'll stop crying. i just feltits worth being around. and just remember that if you asked for apples and you got lemons, call me over for the salt and tequila. cheers??!

ngayon, nakita ko si Maui. Well, its nice to see her, kala ko naman naaning na naman cia at hindi na naman pumasok. yun lang nung natuwa ako dahil nakita ko si Maui, may hatid pala ciang masamang balita. Si Ate Jen nagresign na, immediate resignation.

ewan ko ba kung anung naramdaman ko nun. hindi ko masabe at hindi makuha ng mukha ko kung anu yung reaksyon na gusto kong palabasin.

nabalitaan ko na nga din recently na si debbie magreresign na din. si TL aya magreresign na din. naalala ko tuloy yung CD ko saka libro ng yoga. naisip kong kukunin ko yung mga gamit ko bago man lang cia mamaalam..

kanina mismo, lumapit saken si aya, dala yung mga CD na pinahiram ko sa kanya. ewan ko ba pero parang hindi ako natuwa nung nabalik saken yung mga CDs. parang na washout ako ulet ng mighty blues.

my emotions, please dont eat me alive. i still have few hours to battle.

bago ako umuwi, dahil ayoko pang umuwi, dumaan ako kay marfori para sabihing: "sabay tayong umuwi, gisingin mo ko sa 3rd Flr" kaso may naunang nangyari.

may nakita akong brown envelope for Louie Lebosada. at natural alam kong donation yun (ginagawa naten to pag may nababalitaang naconfine sa ospital at hindi makabayad ng dues, o may namatayan) . . at nung tinanong ko yung guy kung sino yun Louie na yun at anu nangyari, e cia na yun pala mismo, sabe nya his wife passed away

Ang bigat ng araw. puro emotions na hindi ko macontain at hindi ko din maignore.

July

is always like this..

i've always been trying to find ways and reasons to swallow your bitter blues.

dear july, kelangan ko lang magcelebrate. hindi ko talaga alam kung anu pang reason ng pagcecelebrate. gusto kong maging masaya at ready in the next 2 weeks. kaso anjan ka na naman

no out of town,

 no fancy foods, no shores on my feet

i dont want to go anywhere

i dont wanna be with anyone

i just want to

stare at Hilera on dim lights

listen to every drum beat

and waste my July 19 night away

hearing them sing

Happy Birthday song

**wishful thinking**

on my cheeks

on my palm....

its a brand new start

without you now..

without me now..

and it always reminds me of that feeling...

of knowing

and then letting go

ill miss you convergys alabang

wena, dell, mae, gian,

badet, i cant believe

u still roam around just to check on my pod

it really touches me to the bones

my teammates:

aj,aron,mike,iya,primo,rain,rache,mommy fe, aries

even ben.. and sir jeth

life wouldnt be the same

ever again

but at least

i came to know you guys

i'll probably go back

i wouldnt know when

but i know for sure

i'll never forget you

Dear God, hope you got the letter and
I pray you can make it better down here
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving on their feet
'Cause they don't get enough to eat from God
I can't believe in you

Dear God, sorry to disturb you but
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear
We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street
'Cause they can't make opinions meet about God
I can't believe in you

Did you make disease and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too!

Dear God, don't know if you noticed but
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
And us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
Still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't, and so do you, dear God
I can't believe in
I don't believe in

I won't believe in heaven and hell
No saints, no sinners, no devil as well
No pearly gates, no thorny crown
You're always letting us humans down
The wars you bring, the babes you drown
Those lost at sea and never found
And it's the same the whole world 'round
The hurt I see helps to compound
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if you're up there you'd perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve
If there's one thing I don't believe in
It's you
Dear God.

hindi naman pwedeng ganun ganun nalang

kelangan nating tanggapin na

ang nakakainis kase sa mga countdown na yan e..

nagfeature sila ng TOP TEN..

we're going down down