i'm losing words.  maybe i shouldn't write

on air.

i wake up and i lose another

world, another character. i

forget.

when i walk, i pull out the words when

i breathe. 

the stories fold into

wonderful creations that fly, talk, fight evil or become

evil itself.

i write empty pages. my library is full of

blank notebooks,

pretty journals never stained

with blood. 

or victory

when did i ever write about

victory? 

i dream and

in my dreams i have my books. in real

life. i have my

empty pages. 

There would be days when all you feel is the happiness.

A day when you just float 10 feet above the ground.

Forming a world where only two people exist and where you and his world actually merges into one.

and then there are days when you are so low only your head sticks up the ground.

i knew i could do it so i did.

he always knew how to hurt me.

pain is the most effective way of measuring love.

love, the deadliest most precise way to inflict pain.

i remember the first time i felt i loved him.  

i was in school, on a non school day and i was waiting for him.  i knew he'd be there because he had a class. so i went even when i had nothing to do there. i stayed and waited and when everyone else who was in his class came out, i found out he wasn't there.

i wasted a day. he didn't even care. i cried and the irony of it, his crush comforted me. then i felt jealousy. pure jealousy as i wondered  if he would ever do that to her if she had been with him instead of me.

what's the use of sweeping someone off her feet if she's already flat on her back. 

 i knew. all his little indisgressions.  big and small, serious and petty.  i knew when he thought he was falling in love. i knew when he thought he was going to score.

 i  started to count the number of times i cried. after a while i could count the number of tears that fell.

then i realized i wanted to make him cry.  i wanted to count his tears. measure his love.

but i couldn't make him cry. 

little amounts are easier to measure than big ones.  i should be grateful.

i don't think he knows that a certain amount of pain should be expected when you're in love.

he doesn't answer my questions anymore.

he doesn't look at me. 

i must have overdone it.

red is the color of love.

i count the drops that fall: 265, 266, 267 ...

if it is true that the more you love the more they can hurt you then by now you love me more than anything.

more than your own life.

right now, as i watch him bleeding for me.

i'm finally happy. 

What do you want to know?
I've told you the truth.
I've told every single one of you the truth.

Of course no one would believe me.  I wouldn't believe myself if I hadn't seen what happend.
I'm not into drugs.
No, I don't drink... much.  I know my limit and I never have more than two or three drinks.

What kind of question is that?

I just want you to listen.

Yes I know you have heard my story.  Everyone else has but nobody believes me.
I need you to believe me.

Can you please turn the airconditioner higher? I'm sweating.

You interviewed who?
My neighbors?
They don't even talk to me or acknowledge me when I pass them on the street.  How can you talk to them? What would they say about me?
They told you what?

What?!

We fight. Of course we fight.  Families fight.  We scream and we shout at each other and we say things we shouldn't say.
That doesn't mean anything.

Nothing at all.

You see, they still think I'm a kid.  I'm almost 30 years old and I still live with them.
Maybe I am a kid.

You want an explanation?
I think.  I think they like the heat.

They?

Look at where my finger is pointing.  They came from up there.

No. I'm not crazy.

Yes I mean aliens.  Yes from outer space. Where else would aliens come from?

I'm not insane.

Stop.

Wait.

I'll let go. 
I'll calm down. 
Please, just listen to me.

Didn't you notice how hot this summer has been?
It's too hot.  Just a week ago we experienced the hottest day in 50 years: 39 degrees Celsius.

I believe there's a connection because my parents started changing when their air conditioning broke down.

Don't laugh.  I don't think aliens did that.  It was just coincidence.

There's been an increase in the rate of crime these last few weeks.  Don't tell me that's heat stroke. 

Don't deny it.  I read the news.  I watch the TV.  There's been an increase in random attacks.  People going crazy, killing each other.

Anyway, my parents wouldn't buy a new one.  We're a little short in money.

My mother figured we would save up on the electric bill as well.

The air conditioner in my room still worked but they didn't want to sleep in my room.

Please let me finish because I know this sounds crazy.

They started to change.

At first it was just little things.  They became paler, stronger, more hot tempered.  I thought it was the heat.

I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to laugh.

Then they started forgetting stuff.  Details about our lives, my life.
My father forgot that I was with him in the hospital after his lung cancer surgery.  My mother forgot when I graduated.
Then it got worse.

When I went home one evening I found my mother in the kitchen.  She was holding a knife, a big one, the kind that you use to cut meat.  She looked at me as though she didn't know me. 
I was scared. 
Then she threw the knife at me. 

She said it slipped.

She was my mother.

After that I hid my father's gun in my room.

They never went in there. 

They said it was too cold.

Yes, it's the same gun.

I came home late that night.  The lights were all out.  I assumed no one was awake.
I went past my parents room and was surprised to see the door open.

Then I saw them.

They were propped up on their bed like dolls.  Their heads rooled to the side, their mouths open.

Their eyes.  God.  I can't sleep because of their eyes.  They were vacant, lifeless.  As if someone had drawn fake ones and placed them over their eye sockets.

Something was glowing behind their necks but I didn't notice it at first.  I only noticed it when my father's body fell forward.

Their was something on his neck.  It looked like a big, glowing, giant leech.  It was stuck at the base of his neck.  The creature was pulsing as if it was sucking my father's brains out.

Then it stopped.

I was frozen at the door and I swear to you.  I..  It... It looked at me.

I ran. 

I ran to up the stairs to my room.  I went to the drawer.  I looked for the gun and I loaded the gun.  It must have taken me a while because my hands were shaking.  I kept dropping everything.

I went down and I calmed down.  My hands were steady when I reached my parents room.  I shot the aliens.

Then I collapsed.

I know that you didn't find anything.  I don't think you'd keep me here if you had.

You have to believe me.

Don't go.

Hey.  Don't leave me here again.

Please.

Wait!  Please turn the air conditioning up.

Just make sure it's cold in here.

The King of the land fell in love with the younger sister when he saw her in the woods one day and married her.  After a year, she gave birth to a baby girl.

Her older sister saw the kind of woman her younger sister had grown into.  Her sister was shallow, self-righteous and stuck up.  The older sister knew that her niece should never be like her mother and decided to do something about it.  She left her house in the care of some wood spirits and went up to the castle. 

Her sister greeted her with joy for there was no ill will between the two of them.  She proudly showed off her newborn baby to her older sister.  Sure enough, the baby was beautiful and would grow up to be like her mother. 

The witch sister whispered something in the baby’s ear and did a spell.

The queen never suspected anything.

And the baby grew up.

Maybe it was the way I had said it.  I had let the insult roll in my tongue instead of slapping it in his face.

You fell in love?

I’d teach you how to fall.

Right here.

27 stories high.

Your fault.

Maybe the polar caps will melt and you will die because you don’t know how to swim.

Just maybe.

You talk and I watch your mouth open and close, forming words that don’t mean anything to someone who still loves you.

You think that if you talk long enough my memory of you will disappear and you can leave without a trace.

Your words get no tears. 

I refuse yours.

When you finish, you stand up, you leave your oreo flavored sundae

And me. 

Forgotten.

i had a dream that i wasnt with you. i was in high school and it was our fieldtrip.

my friends and i we were going to the ocean.

i spurned a suitor who was old and fat and ugly. then he made the ocean into a classroom but the floor was still flooded but i couldn't go down.

i was on top of the ocean but i couldn't swim. couldn't feel the cold on my face.

then i imagined how it would have felt if my dad had died and i cried.

i didn't cry like a baby.

i cried like my chest would burst had i taken a single breath. i cried like the tears that formed in my eyes were rocks instead of water.

then i woke up.

i turned to you to tell you about my dream. tears still flowing from my eyes.

then i realized a part of my dream was true.