am i gonna sit here and sulk for the rest of my life while my mind is going on circles singing "what could have been, if it was me and you forever?" this is not a happy blog. but i intend to be happy after reading it.

my promotion at HF did me no good. i was "forgotten" to be included in the list of those scholars but that's ok. my tuition fee discount is supposed to be this semester. i'm happy nevertheless that i'm now a "senior staff" of DLSU-D's student publication.

another surprise, weizel got in. she's now a part of the features staff. so is krizzia. them first years know how to do it.

the truth. i miss the days when you could practically go anywhere you like, eat anything you want, together. my room is lacking of a verb that is love. i hate to admit it. but i am deeply hurt by what happened recently and if not for friends who are there to catch me up (somehow) i might have hurt myself in a fashion that will leave scars literally and figuratively.

so she doesn't care? fine with me. i think i deserve all the hurt. and i'm sorry for that. but we librans have the tendency to prefer seeing things in a balanced way. there's a part of me wishing that she's feeling the same way i do. shit... tears here at ers? fuck it. we don't deserve it right? but why?

there was a time that i went to jolibee alone at an early morning (bought a pie for a newspaper too) and again, teary-eyed spider appeared amidst the melange of the people happily eating their breakfast. every time i pass by dasmarinas bayan, memories come flooding towards me.

at times at school, i have to pass by the "loner" way of the school just to get a glimpse of that bulettin board and her smiling face. it was all pink. now, it's violet and different set of angels occupy the slot. the group, i am still supporting. i made an oath to myself to prioritize them in my heart. think of it as a legacy she passed on to me.

everytime us bards practice our craft, i keep glancing around trying to picture someone near the speakers, speaking to me in a language only we know. the music we create is augmented by a symphony that's gonna charm even the queen of the dead.

and when i sleep at night, i can almost feel that hand touching me when i wake up in the morning. with a beautiful smile. your spirit will always be there. i hope yours will fight to stay.

everytime i see people in red, my mind is being caressed by the wind. oblivious to things around me, sometimes i feel being sucked up in a time capsule. each time i catch a glimpse of the "old office", my heart frowns.

i loved the way that someone cared for me, loved me unconditionally. taught me things i could never imagine, joined me in the quest for life, ... but then later on, leaving me to the dogs... i wish someone is singing to me the words "u don't have to be afraid". a lovely child out of the blue.

nobody knows about the way i really fear. nobody cares. shit.. so you win. happy?

so maybe i'm just suppressing it. maybe i still feel the same. does it matter? i just wana feel needed, loved and special.

this is a day that matters. this is a day that i will cry...

will you fight for me? or will somebody else?

that's william, moi, cristina, arjay and george

whatever it is that is holding you back

that is making you lie and tints our world black

let go of the hate, remember the love

let's make the memories radiate like a fallen dove

Behind the scenes, Livewire and the rest of the CLA Pool Of Talents at meet...