They came to the ball in an odd humor. Both were silent, looking at everything except each other, barelt touching. It was the last night before their final, irrevocable step in receiving their diplomas the next day. In a sense, they'd be happier than sad once they get those rolled-up paper saying they have successfully finished High School. She was nervous, and so was he. They have been to a lot of parties together; this should have been taken care of easily. But it was their Grad Ball, their one and only grad ball, most probably the last party as a couple. She had reservations in coming. They weren't in the best of moods. She feared if people looked closely, they would see clouds of doom hanging over them. She sighed as they sat at their table, amidst their friends and their partners. She shifted, and her red, floor-length dress caressed her thighs. It was the color of blood... They knew that their High school days were not the only ones that would be over tomorrow---they would lose not only their friends, but each other---and it broke their hearts just that thinking about it. It seemed so final. No, it is final. He glanced at her, his eyes wanting to drown themselves in tears. Her dress was the color of blood spilt. He stood up and went to the DJ booth. She was left at the table, listening to the inane chatter of her friends and their dates, smiling and lughing with them, bearing their comments about her dress. "Why red? Look, you're the only one in that color." "Red's out. Pastel's in, you know." No, she didn't know. "You stand out honey." She didn't intend to. Song after song played. They just sat at the table, smiling, politely refusing offers and invitations to dance. The night wore on, the Grad ball king and queen were announced, senti songs were wafting in the air. She wanted to go home, and told him so. Not yet, he said with his eyes, and placed a hand on hers. She just sighed. Amidst the murmur of voices, the faint opening notes of a song were heard. Couples went back to their tables slowly, and soon the dance floor was empty. She wanted to go home. He stood up, and she followed suit. "Dance with me 1st." Without giving her time to reply, he led her to the dance floor. The room hushed as every head turned to them. The lights were dimmed, except for one that was centered on them. And then, she finally heard the song. Lady in red is dancing with me. There's nobody here, it's just you and me. It's where i wanna be..." She was startled, and she looked at him. He bent his head, kissed her cheek, and inhaled her fragrance. "I'll never forget the way you look tonight." And they both knew it was goodbye. Her dress glittered like fire as they gently swayed. It was the color of blood spilt from two broken hearts. ......

people cried that day it was read. i stared at it..... wounds....what a coincidence.

Started: December 23, 2007

I decided to put a list, since the animes I have planned to watch ended up...not happening.

YOSH!

List of Anime I should watch:

-Good Witch of the West

-Rozen Maiden Second Season

-You are Under Arrest (watch again)

- Bleach

- D.Gray Man

-Rozen Maiden OAV

-Hunter x Hunter (Watch again)

-Rizelmine

-Strawberry Panic

-Vampire Knight

-Vampire Knight Guilty

-ToraDora

-Strike Witches

-Skip Beat

Anime that I already watched (during the break):

- Ouran High School Host Club

-Kamisama Kazoku

-Ghost Hunt

- Lucky Star

- Myself; Yourself

- Serial Experiments Lain (again)

- NieA under Seven (again)

- Sailor Moon (again)

- Gatekeepers 21 

- Hoshi no Koe

- Neon Genesis Evangelion

- Tsukihime Lunar Legend

-Code Geass

-Shining Tears X Wind

-Fate Stay Night

-Code Geass R2

- Shakugan no Shana

- BubbleGum Crisis Tokyo 2040 (again)

- Azumanga Daioh

-Seto no Hanayome

-Shikabane Hime: Aka

-Shikabane Hime: Kuro

-Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae

Current Anime: Magical Lyrical Girl Nanoha StrikerS episode 14, K-ON episode 5

Current Manga: Vampire Knight volume 16, Melty Blood, Yotsubato volume 59

Wow.

Tabulas is awesome looking now.

I feel empty, but that's not so bad I guess. I deserved this. 

At least now, freedom is given.

I shall be here, pondering on my mistakes and wonder what I've done, even though I very well know what it was.

Sad world I live in.

Oh well. It's not so bad being dark and twisty 

I had this feeling, but I was not drunk.

2 years ago, for reasons I cannot remember, I created an account on this website called bebo and I can't remember when I created it or why. I thought I created it due to the fact that someone invited me to join, but I realized the account am using now is one year older than the one who invited me.

What was going on in my life that year? How strange I do not recall. None of my emails can trace back to that time I created such an account. I figured out the username and password on my own. I could have been using my hotmail for the account, and it would make sense i can't retrieve it due to the fact that it froze....but that can't make sense since I am receiving emails from the site from my main account.

I may have a past that was erased completely from memory. I might have done something 2 years ago that caused me to delete part of my life and this is the only evidence left that I may have overlooked. What could I have done?

Or what if someone had to erase my memory for I saw something, heard something, felt something that was not supposed to happen? What if I know something that can save the world from impending doom, but some evil mad scientist decided to stop me by manipulating my memories?

....well, I can't really trace anything that far unless I read my old journals. Anyway, felt like posting it for remembrance 

It hurt to remember those accounts in my list...don't even remember who I was. 

It had been too long. One of my many mistakes that I cannot used Ctrl+Z to make all better again. One of the many many mistakes that I let happen due to my stupidity....my fear....my wish to move on.

I look back to friendster and see all those familiar faces...those that have crossed paths with me once in my life and have left me. Those who may have left me because I allowed them to, or because it was just all for the best. I notice how they all changed from how I once knew them. I look at myself and wonder if I had ever changed...if I really had let go of all I had planned? If I even did the right thing.

Then again...how could I really know? I don't have much memories. I allowed myself not to keep solid memories. Another of my silly mistakes to add to my list.

It finally hit me ten-fold...when I had a chance to see a person I have not met so long, a person I now realize could have been one of those people I could never forget and I could not. Reason? I trapped myself in my own world I forgot to look back at what I have left.

 It hit me then. I needed to go back. Not stay there, but go back, and fix some things that I had left, while I had the chance.

It took Amir twenty-six years to go back to his past and set things right. I will not wait for so long to fix something that may never be done.

 I still have made my choice and I can't leave it, but I will at least try to preserve what I have left...or at least make sure they knew...that they were important.

This is why I have returned to this journal. To let this out, and to see what I can fix. 

I have been too busy doing other things. Every Saturday am busy doing some other project or what not for other subjects. If it were possible I would be working the whole week.

Sadly that is not possible. The people here will be upset, which is annoying because I feel like I can't do anything productive anyway. Ugh....how sad.

School has been hell. Am surprised people still have time to go out and do other things. I am too busy not having a life helping out with projects and the like.

And poor Giruvegan is for some reason out cold.

Stupid avast 

However, I have actually come to remember something...which doesn't affect me as much as I would have thought. 

When we were asked to tell a "storm" or a negative event in our life which was so bad you nearly gave up....

I had nothing to say. My mind was blank. 

It was kinda shocking because I know there were times I was so pissed and so depressed with the world, but then again it was never to the point that I wanted to really kill myself. None that I recall.

I realized that whatever past hurts I've had...I have managed to let them all go. Well, maybe not all, but then again whatever those I can't let go were nothing dead horrible.

Have I really become this emotionally detached? 

I've trained myself to keep whatever feelings, emotions, etc. in check to avoid less pain and give me more focus on studies...which in the end didn't really work. I also thought that I didn't have the strength to be able to keep my emotions in check for all the things that have happened in the past 4 years.

But when I look back, I realized that I have almost cut myself off from my past. The full details have become a blur...I have locked it away somewhere deep in my memories.

Ah...ah well. So I have done some decent training for it after all. This is not a good thing in all aspects though. Oh well

 I have not posted here in a month. *cleans up place*

How was it? Pretty fine I guess. I didn't crash into anything but I believe every taxi and truck driver that day wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill them too. Sometimes they were distracting me I ended up releasing the clutch thus I have to start the engine all over again. I turned out okay I guess.

How is my first week of school? Fine I guess. My blockmates have new hairstyles...and it feels different again. Probably because my building is under renovation right now and for some reason even though the other tables are being renovated there seems to be so much space. There is barely anyone at the lobby anymore...seems like everyone is crowding the second floor. I didn't get all the teachers I wanted (well, more of calculus) but I heard it's possible to pass in his class, and I can't change my schedule anymore. I was told that if we were determined enough we would get by. Hopefully that's true. am really worried enough as it is.

I watched Pirates 3 yesterday. It was 3 hours long...and it didn't feel like it. It wasn't like any other sequel, as usual. It was worth the money. Hehe...a lot of Orlando Bloom fans might just melt. And Johnny Depp . Ah well. It's really nice, although I think they need to improve on talking clearly. Sometimes I wished there was subtitles.

Now I got nothing to say. Yay. More to tell some other time I guess. Have other things to do. And lots to read

another is that the people here are enjoying the free time using the terminal giving me no other choice but to finish Final Fantasy 12. I have not finished it yet just so i could finish the other sidequests but am very close to finishing it. Very very close.

I have just realized my first real and ultimate quest will be soon over. I have decided to add more to the quest now that i have enough. Yay me.

There are a lot of good movies coming up this month, and I hope to watch them all. Or I will condemn myself..to more final fantasy 12.