I'm posting this because this blog is so outdated. Just in case someone looks at it, or looks at it again, at least they'd get something fresh, and not just some year old rant. Haha.

And if you're wondering, kamusta na kaya tong gagong to? Wala akong ibang way para malaman kung kamusta na siya kasi di ko alam number niya, di ko alam YM niya, di ko alam kung saan siya nakatira, alam ko lang blog URL niya. Well, you stalker you, this entry's for you.

I'm okay, i guess. Life's been great, and it's kind of exciting to see what life throws at me (or slams on my face), so i don't have any problem getting out of bed and start taking life by the horns, if life was some rabid bull, which, if you think about it, it sometimes is. Sometimes, it seems that it's out to get you, to thrash you about, to rip your heart out in front of a colosseum full of people. But sometimes you just have to ride it, ride it like the bull it is (hahahaha pangit ng metaphor).

Either way, the crowds will cheer when they see your face, either intact, or disfigured. Hehe

currently listening to: Little Wing - Jimi Hendrix

    I woke up at around 12:30pm, watched DOA on Star Movies (which, without the bikini-clad women would've been a total waste of time), and slept for the remainder of the day. Woke up again at around 7pm, ate dinner, and read a 30 page article on the Economic and Industrial policies of the East Asian NICs.

    I still have around 60 more pages to read before I attempt to begin my paper. And I have to finish it by at least Friday noon, because I have to read around 60 more pages for my Philosophy orals on Saturday. Last push for my two week hell-week. And then it's Cebu baby, 4 days 3 nights of lazying on the beach, consuming insane amounts of beer and lechon. I can't wait.

    So why, pray tell, am I blogging here, instead of minimizing the effects of my procrastinating ways throughout the sem? For one thing, I miss writing. A lot. Ever since this sem started, I haven't had a chance to write, as in really write, the way I used to. My writing endeavors have been in a drought, save for a few one liners that stuck to my mind when it first grazed it. I haven't writen anything creative for the past few months; that is, if you don't count the papers that I "creatively" crafted for some of my classes. Eversince that little mishap with my shifting into creative writing, I haven't writen anything remotely creative.

    I miss those days when I was fascinated with the most seemingly inane details of my life. I'd blog on almost anything, from ridding on the back of a trycicle, to the way the sky looks when I wake up, to watching shooting stars with my closest friends. I've had unforgetable moments for these past few months, like being fortunate enough to experience playing drums in the middle of Araneta, however, unlike before, where I immediately write things like that as they happen, I kind of just wallow in it and experience it, not recognizing any immediacy in writing it down.

    Fortunately, unlike before, I'd remember everything. There was a time that in the past that I'd purposely forget things that I didn't want to remember, which led to gaps in remembering my personal historic experiences (if there is such a term. You get me right?).

    My Philo professor told us that you are only young if you remain to be fascinated. If life bores you, and everything in life seems routine, then you're older than he is, because in his age (which is around 50-60, i guess), he never ceases to be amazed about the little things in life.  Fortunately again, I have regained this fascination on life. Things bore me, of course, but I am fascinated by the fact that I can still be bored despite my attempt to end my previous loss of fascination in life. I don't know if that makes any sense to you, and I don't care. It's because I AM that i can be senseless like this. This is one of the truths I've learned in my philo classes. That you can experience life only because you ARE. It's pretty obvious, I know, but if the obvious were obvious, there wouldn't be any philosophers (right my Philo prof?).

    There was this surprise Philo orals in front of the entire class a few week back, and I was one of the few who were called. The last question was, "who am I"? My answer was something like this:

"My name is Mico Cortez, and right now, I am Mico-ing. I am BEING Mico, and I am the only one who knows how to be this. I am standing in front of you, being stressed because of this surprise orals, and I know that I am standing in front of you, being stressed. And I know that I can only be stressed because I still AM. In all that stress in life, we sort of forget that we still ARE."

Then my Philo prof goes, "So, you ARE because you are stressed?" My answer: "No sir. I'm stressed because I AM." Or something like that. And everyone went OoooooOOOoooh. Haha

    Needeless to say, I am indeed enjoying my life, unlike before. No need to worry about me. I'm still here. Still AM.

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light!

It's better this way. The people whom I think wants to know what's been happening with me already knows what's been happening with me.

If you're curious with what's been happening with me, and you don't know yet, contact me. You should know how to reach me. If you don't, and you're seriously curious, get off your ass and live your own life.

It's funny, for the last month or two, I don't have anything to rant about at all. It's not that i'm not disturbed and/or moved by life anymore, for that would be a sad, sad existence. I don't know the reason why I don't have anything to rant about.

Well, right now, it looks like I'm ranting about not being able to rant about anything.

I don't know why I'm doing it. It's 2:39am, but I don't want to sleep.

Thank you everyone. I hope you guys know how much I appreciate what you did.

Thanks especially to you, bestfriend. You've made this birthday really unforgetable. Seryoso. Thank you for organizing that. :D

Last wednesday, five minutes before my birthday was over, i smoked a cigarette in the bathroom, and resigned myself to the fact that as you grow older, you don't celebrate birthdays anymore, or get birthday surprises or something. Everyone would be too busy to stop and realize that today, you entered this world, and became part of all its complexities and all that crap.

Yesterday, we were drinking beer at euco's, and they surprised me with a cake from mon. There was also a card with a picture of me and a URL on it. I was really touched that she made that effort to surprise me, even though she wasn't there. That cheered me up. A lot. I didn't know that cake and beer would taste so good. I passed out, and i thought that my faux birthday celebration was over. Back to real life.

A few minutes ago, I checked the URL on the card that mon gave me. And to my surprise, another birthday surprise. It was a blog, and in it, were messages from almost all my close friends. I'm still smiling up to now. It really made me feel special, that i matter, and that somehow, i am a part of their lives as much as they are a part of mine. I wish that i checked that yesterday in euco's house so that they'd see my reaction. I'm in a computer shop right now and I'm close to tears as i was reading that, and I can't even tell them how much I appreciate what they did for me.

I really don't know what to say. This is the first time anyone has done something like this for me. A few days ago, i said to myself that birthdays shouldn't be celebrated because it would mean that you'd be one year closer to your death. I ignored the fact that birthdays are supposed to be a celebration of life. Your life. Cheesy, but true.

As i was about to blow my candle yesterday, they asked me to make a wish.

I couldn't think of anything. I don't know what i really want. I don't know what I feel like wanting. I don't know why, but i couldn't care less.

I can't even think of a wish right now.

And maybe it's because i'm not supposed to be here. I should've left this world a year ago, but i was given a second chance. And that second chance was full of firsts. What else can i wish for?

I've seen so much of this world after that incident a year ago, and it makes me feel so good to be still alive. And i know that whatever happens to me, I can survive even if i sink to that low again. A year ago, i don't feel this loved. And i am thankful to eveyone for showing me all that beauty that i was deliberately ignoring.

I don't know, i'm just tired, i guess. I need to study for a long quiz tomorrow, and i need to write a two page paper on i don't know what yet, and it's almost 11 and i'm still in a computer shop downloading songs from the Across The Universe Soundtrack.

I don't know, i'm just tired, i guess. I know i'm not supposed to feel this way, but i can't help it. Nothing has happened, and yet, still, and then, i don't know. I'm getting used to being alone. There are times in school when i eating lunch or watch plays alone, and i don't mind. I have friends, yes, i have a lot of them. I don't know what i'm saying anymore. Tama na.

Oh yeah, to anonymous, who tagged my tagboard, thanks for the support. I'm getting the feeling that you're one of my parents, most likely my mother. If you are, well, hi mom. Welcome to my blog. Thanks to giving me all the love in the world, or something close to that.

I promise that when i get home, in about 10 mins, i'll do my paper and study for my quiz. Promise.

I woke up with a note for me. It was written on several yellow post-its, conveniently posted on my forehead. Only one person would leave a note this way. Once, I woke up, and a note was written in ketchup on my walls. Scared me shitless at first.

“Didn’t want to wake you on the account of the huge headache I’m sure you’re gonna get when you wake up. Be back at around 10. I’m picking up Remy. Let’s talk when we get there. For serious this time. –Theo”

            Right. Talk. Last night, he says he wants to talk with me. We ended up not talking the entire night. He and Remy brought over a cooler with 60 cans of beer I think, and we sort of just drank the whole night. I passed out on the couch. Don’t know how I got into bed. They must’ve carried me here. They said that was just casual drinking. Good god.

            My phone says it’s already 6, and yet outside’s still a mixture of orange streaks and velvet violet. I can hear the TV outside, some commentator and a crowd cheering. Basketball. Damn it guys, you could’ve at least switched the TV off when you left. They’re always like this. They’re the type of persons who wouldn’t switch the TV off when they come over to watch, and they know you’re drunk and passed out or something.

            I lift my head up, and then placed it down again. I’m still a little woozy, and my head hurts like hell. Goddamn alcohol. I don’t know why people drink it when they know their head will hurt when they wake up the following day.

            Remy’s a cheap drunk, very much unlike Theo and me. 2 beers, and you can’t have a decent conversation anymore. It’s not his poison, he says. Theo’s a beer vat though. I think he chugged 30 or something last night. I don’t remember. My memory’s a little fuzzy, come to think of it. Can’t remember much of last night. I kind of gotten used to it though. Usually happens when us three get together. I don’t know. Maybe Remy slipped something in my drink again, just like last time, for fun. Woke up fine, but I saw pictures in my camera of me, topless, covered in what looks like ranch dressing. Asked them about it the next they, and they burst into laughter. Very funny. I want to choke them some times. They can be demented as hell. But hey, us three, we’re best of friends. They’re like the annoyingly neurotic brothers I never had.

            After a few minutes, I finally find the strength to get up to switch the TV off, and to get a cigarette. I love the fact that I can smoke anywhere in this house. Even in the shower. The house is always covered with a layer of smoke, thin enough not to suffocate you, but thick enough for you to imagine that you’re cutting through it. I don’t know, that’s what I think. And no one really bothers me here. It’s quiet most of the time. I love the smoke and solitude.

            Theo comes over though, a lot, and he breaks the solitude. Oh, how he breaks the solitude. He’s a fireball, that one. Always has something to say. He’ll say it to you, and doesn’t really care what you think. We’ve been friends since college. He comes over to watch TV, sometimes even when I’m asleep. I gave him an extra key ‘cause he has this habit of waking me up at 4 in the morning. Says he likes it here, and that my couch is softer, better for watching TV. I asked him once if he doesn’t have a couch to watch TV in at home. He snaps and starts yelling at me, saying that I damn well know that he hates his home, and that he already told me how it’s depressing as shit, and that I don’t listen whenever he talks. I seriously forgot about that at that time. I felt kind of bad. I wouldn’t know how depressing his house is though, cause I forgot that he already told me and I don’t want to ask him again. Friends since college, and I’ve never been to his house.

            I don’t have any friends really, aside from them. I don’t make friends easily. Before, Theo’s my only friend. Then he introduced me to Remy. We were at this party one time, Theo and me, and he says he wants me to meet a friend of his. We went outside, and there was this dude in a black hoodie, sitting on the sidewalk. Offers me a joint even before knowing my name. Theo introduced me to him, says he met him in a corporate convention or something. I don’t really remember. Remy looks far from corporate though, unlike Theo. Theo’s always in this long sleeved polo shirt, and Remy always looks like he’s stoned or something. Theo’s this corporate success, the Big Kahuna, and Remy’s this laid back, free spirit, a real wild child at times. That night was the first time I smoked weed my entire life. I don’t know much about Remy, but I know that he introduced me to the wonderful world of cannabis. We smoked in my car, and we’ve been best of friends ever since. Almost hit a truck that night, thought it was a huge marshmallow or something, and it was calling me.

            I don’t know why we became friends so easily. We’re all so different. I’m a floater, you see, someone who doesn’t have his own set of opinions, as Theo brutally suggested. I don’t blame him though. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t have opinions, it’s just that I’m willing to sacrifice them in order to avoid any conflict. I’d rather have no opinion than be the source of conflict, you know? That’s why when Theo and Remy argue, which is too often I think, I just kind of be the middle man, and remind them to give each side the benefit of the doubt. I like to see myself as the glue that keeps them together. Theo would’ve strangled Remy that night they argued about who the King of Heavy Metal was if it wasn’t for me. Sabbath versus Zeppelin, and there was me, right smack in the middle.

            Theo almost always wins these arguments of theirs. Remy doesn’t find the need of fighting for his ideas that much. He just snorts then, until they’re lodged in his head. He doesn’t care what people say, as long as he knows what he believes in. Theo on the other hand, he pukes out whatever he ingests, and he makes sure you get as much of it on you. Take in, regurgitate. Unlike any of them, I don’t just snort my ideas, or regurgitate them at will. I like it to be just there, like alcohol on a drinking binge, until I lose control or something. I choose what I take in, and I choose when to regurgitate it. I admit that sometimes, the ideas in my head cause me to loose control, but the lack of control makes me feel in control. I know that I myself caused it, to lose yourself to your ideas, and it feels good.

            The only thing I don’t like about them both is the fact that they’re so hooked on the drug of their choice. Theo on Alcohol, Remy on Cocaine and Marijuana. There was this one time Theo woke me up at four in the morning, and he was smashing all my furniture in the living room, screaming, why did she leave me, why did she leave me? Had a fight with his girl, drank like 7 huge bottles of Vodka, and started thrashing my place. Took me a long time before I got to calm him down. And there was this one time, Remy barged in my room, looking for some Coke. I never tried Coke, nor have any plans to try it, so naturally I had none. His eyes were way back in his head already, and his nose was bleeding. Scared the living shit out of me.

            The cigarette almost burns my fingers, and I snap back to reality. See? Sometimes I just get so caught up, I just kind of forget what’s really happening around me. I put out my cig on a halved coke can, brush off the ash on my bare chest and bed, and decide to take a shower. Aside from the fact that I smell like vomit, I hope it would calm down my buzzing head. I hope the water’s not too cold.

            Surprisingly enough, it isn’t. I thought it would be freezing. I scrub my neck with one hand, put out my cigarette with another. I love to smoke in the shower. Gives me the illusion that the water is steaming, the illusion that I can afford to take a hot shower once in a while.

            I got out of the shower, got dressed, and put on my glasses. I don’t really like wearing them cause I like the world better when it’s a little blurry. That’d be your excuse if you do something. Sorry, I couldn’t see very well. Anyway, the reason I put it on is cause I can’t find my pack of matches. Call me old-school, but I like matches better than lighters. I don’t know, I just do. That’s the only reason you put on glasses, you know, when you have to find your matches or something.

            I found the matches in the bathroom, next to my toothbrush.  Good thing it didn’t get wet. Went outside to the living room, sat on my couch, and lit another cigarette as I decide to watch basketball. You know, just to see what the fuss is about.         

            Doorbell. It’s 10 pm. I must’ve dozed off. Basketball always makes me sleepy. Got up and opened the door.

            There they were, as clear as day, standing in the hallway. Theo in a blue pinstriped long sleeves, and Remy in his signature black hoodie. They were carrying luggage, the stroller types that you take when you go on vacation.

            “What’s up with the bags?” I say.           

            “Won’t you let us in first? Come on now, we hauled these bags up four goddamn floors,” says Theo. I live on the fourth floor of an apartment building without any elevators. Surprisingly, there wasn’t any bead of sweat on any of them.

            “Sorry. Come in, come in.”

            As both of them go inside, this girl who was my neighbor looked at me all funny. Her name’s Isabelle, I think. “We’re you saying something?” she asks. “Nothing, I was just asking my friends why they had all that luggage. They hauled it way up here, and I was just wondering why they hadn’t sweated the least bit.” “Ooooohkay. I’m going to go in now. See you around.” And she slams the door. Quite a looker, that one, but she acts all weird around me. Can’t have a decent conversation with her even if you tried.
            Went back inside, and Theo was already propped up on the couch, channel surfing as he’s opening his first bottle of Vodka. Remy was doing a line on my table. I light a cigarette.

            “That your girlfriend?” asks Theo.

            “No, just my neighbor.”

            “She’s cute. You should ask her out.”

            “Nah, I don’t want to take her out on a date.”

            “Okay then, just fuck her or something. At least do something with her.”

            “Damn it Theo, she’s my neighbor for chrisake. I don’t want to make love with someone I don’t know, much less my neighbor.”

            “Why not?” says Remy. His eyes are starting to shrink into his skull. “I’ve made love with a stranger before. Best night of my life.”

            “Are you sure you were making love to a person, not to some furniture?” asks Theo, mockingly.

            Remy gives him the finger.

            “Guys, cut it out. Two minutes and you’re already fighting? God, you’re like little kids.”

            “We’re not fighting, right Remy? This is just friendly banter!”

            Remy gives him the finger again. Then they both laugh.

            “Anyway, what’s up with these bags? You guys ran away from home or something?”

            “No. Well, yeah. I mean, actually,” says Theo as he straightens in his seat, “that was what we were planning to talk you about. Remy, help me here” says Theo, and he’s already opening his second bottle.

            “We were planning to move in with you,” says Remy, as he’s rolling up some weed.

            “What? You plan on telling me this after you parked your goddamn luggage in my living room? And when did you guys decide on this? You weren’t talking about moving in yesterday.”

            “We just thought about it, last night, when you were passed out. We like this place, and we’re always here anyway, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt if we just moved in with you right? You’d save us the trouble of having to drive back home when I’m drunk and he’s stoned or something.”

            “Yeah man, think about it. It would be awesome if we were to live together.”

            Okay. Let’s get this straight. I love these guys, like brothers. But I don’t think I’d be able to put up with the constant banter and the hedonism that these two bring whenever they’re around. I like the occasional drink, but I don’t want to drink ever goddamn night. And to tell you quite frankly, I don’t like it when Remy’s all drugged up. He does some pretty scary things. And besides, I’m the kind of guy who values his privacy very much.

            “Whadya say, old man? Mind if we move in with you?” says Theo.”Come on, imagine the good times we’ll have, the alcohol we’ll consume!”

            “The blow we could possibly do!” exclaims Remy as he raises his hands and ruins the joint he’s doing. Damn his eyes are skeletal.

            “Guys, I don’t know, it’s too sudden. I –“

            “You won’t even notice us. I’ll just sleep in the couch, and Remy could sleep on the floor, like he always does when he’s trippin. He loves the floor. Right Remy?”

            “Fuck you, I get the couch! You’re the one who passes out on the floor after that tenth bottle of Vodka. Why do I have to sleep on the goddamn floor?” Remy starts to raise his voice even more now.

            Great. They’re already fighting about who gets the couch.

            “Cut it out. It’s not as if I already agreed to you staying here.”

            “Whadaya mean? Of course you agree!” says Theo as he opens his next bottle of Vodka. “We’re best buds right, that’s what best buds do. And besides, when you’re giving it to that neighbor of yours, you just tell us and we’ll leave.”

            Remy finished rolling a fat joint, and starts lighting it now. 

            “I got something that would surely make you agree,” says Remy, in between puffs. He gets up, stumbles a little bit to his luggage, and opens it. “I got something alright.”

            Inside the bag, on top of his clothes, were like 20 bags of white powder and 20 bags of grass.

            “Yeah, I got something too,” says Theo. He opens his, and there weren’t even any clothes. Just bottles and bottles of what looked like expensive Russian Vodka.

            Holy hell. I light another cigarette. Goddamn it.

            “What the fuck guys?!? You trying to bribe me with drugs and alcohol? Where the hell did you get all of these anyway??”

            “Well... It’s not exactly a bribe,” says Remy. “It’s more of an incentive.”

            “Come on man, we have enough Alcohol than we could ever drink, and all the drugs you could ever do, if that’s your thing. We got it made man!”

            Okay. They had some pretty crazy ideas before, but this perhaps is the craziest. They’re my friends, but they seriously crossed the line this time. I mean, what would the neighbors think if the house reeked of weed and booze all the time? I could get arrested or something, once the neighbors complain.  Jesus Christ. I can believe they’re doing this to me.

            “Fuck. Both of you, out. Right now. Get out of my fucking house!!!” I’m losing it. I can’t believe they’d even consider bringing all that drugs and alcohol here.

            “Woah, chill man… If you don’t want the Coke, then I’d do it myself. Jesus, relax…”

            “I don’t get you dude. Yesterday you were chill as hell, drinking with me, and did a little weed with him, and now you’re throwing us out of your house. I thought you enjoy these things. I don’t get you.” 

            “I don’t fucking enjoy when I know I could fucking bathe in the goddamn tub with all the Vodka, and scrub myself clean with all the Coke! Goddamn it guys. You know me better than that. We’ve been friends for a really long time, but you know that everything has a limit! I don’t care if you drink that much at home, or do all that drugs when you’re alone, just don’t drag me in the mess you guys chose to put ourselves in.”

I was sweating now, and the buzz in my head returned, with increased fervor. I think I’m gonna be sick.

“Fuck it, you have to leave, both of you. Get out now, before you do something stupid.”

“Dude, relax,” says Theo as he stood up and grabs me at the shoulders. “You’re sweating bullets, and your eyes don’t look to hot.”

I have a suitcase full of drugs, and a suitcase full of booze in my living room. What do you expect?

“Let go of me.”

“Come on man, we’re just trying to put some sense into you,” says Remy as he stood up and went around me and grabbed me by the waist.

“I said let go of me! I swear, I’m gonna have both of you fucking arrested!”

In one smooth motion, Theo let go of me, and he landed his fist right in between the eyes. My glasses broke, and I could feel hot liquid pouring down my face. It’s salty.

“Dude, you didn’t have to do that,” says Remy as he loosens his grip on me.

“He made me do it! Goddamn it dude, I didn’t want to hit you. But you made me do it! I need to knock some fucking sense into you. Here we are, offering you the time of your life, and you tell us to get out of your house. For christsake man, if you don’t want us as friends, just say it!”

“Yeah, maybe I don’t want you guys as friends anymore,” I said. Remy let go of me, and I was wiping my bloody nose on my shirt.

“What did you say?”

“I said maybe I don’t want to be friends with you guys anymore! All the booze, all the drugs, you can’t expect to continue living like this. You can’t expect to just escape with your addictions every single time life gives you shit.”

“Fuck. After everything I’ve done for you. After everything I sacrificed for you! This is the thanks I get?!? I made you who you are, my boy. I made you who you are! Don’t forget, I taught you everything you know. I took you under my wing. And this is the thanks I get?!? Fuck it!”

I don’t know what the hell he’s saying, or what the hell is happening right now.

“Dude, relax… Just chill man. We have to understand our friend here, that maybe he’s not ready for this yet. He’s not ready for us. You have to understand Theo, life’s all about–“

“Fuck it Remy! Now is not the time for your life lessons! I just can’t believe our friend here would just desert us like this, at the time we really need his help. We were there when he’s alone, we were there when he needed someone to talk to, we were there when he needed a drink, and this is the thanks we get?? I just want a place to lay my head down.”

“Well, if you hadn’t brought all that drugs, I would’ve considered it, you know.”

“Fuck man, so now you’re on my ass?” says Remy, and his eyes start flaring up as well. “Shit. I got your back here, I’m protecting you, and now you’re giving me a hard time about my drugs? Damn it man, you know I can’t live without them.”

I remember the last time this happened. At least they weren’t together. But now, I’m face to face with a drunken Theo, and a drugged up Remy. Not a good place to be, I assure you. This has to end. They have to get out of here.

I went to their bags, and got a bottle of Vodka and a bag of Cocaine. They resisted, and tried to take them away from me.

“That’s the thing with both of you. You can’t live without your addictions.”

Remy looked kind of sad, almost sober now. Theo looked more furious.

Remy knelt down near his bag, and started to fix his stuff. He’s crying a bit, I can see. He’s muttering something to himself. Can’t make it out though. He looked sad as hell.

Theo on the other hand went to the couch and picked up his empty bottle of Vodka. He was rolling it in his hand, examining it in the dim fluorescent light.

The next few seconds were a bit blurry to me, partly because I didn’t have my glasses, but mostly because I passed out right after everything had happened.

Theo hit Remy with the bottle on the head. The bottle broke. Remy took out a knife from his bag, and started to thrust it wildly around the room. Theo was stalking him, prowling around the room. In one quick motion, he reached around Remy’s front, evading his flailing knife, and slit his throat with the sharp end of the bottle. Remy was literally spewing blood all over his hoodie, all over his suitcase, all over his Marijuana, all over his Cocaine. Theo was laughing manically now. What Remy did was he got to his feet, bloodied as hell, and with the last reserves of his strength, smashed Theo into his suitcase full of bottles. Almost all bottles were smashed, and pieces of glass were lodged at different angles in Theo’s face and neck.

And all throughout that, I remember that I was screaming loud, screaming, “Fuck goddamn it fucking hell stop it you’re killing each other oh god oh god oh god what’s happening!”

And that was the last thing I remembered.

“Are you sure that was what really happened? And that you didn’t miss anything?”

“Yes Doc, I’m sure. That was exactly what happened. I tried my best to explain it in as much detail as possible.”

“You know how you got here in the hospital?”

“Not really.”

“You’re neighbor, Miss Isabelle, brought you here. Says she heard you screaming, so she called the police. Thought you were in trouble. She found you unconscious, beside --”

“I swear Doc, I’m innocent! I didn’t kill Theo or Remy, and those luggage of booze and drugs weren’t mine! Please Doc, you have to believe me!”

“And how long have you known Theo and Remy?”

“Almost all my life Doc. Please, you have to trust me. I didn’t kill them! You have to explain to the police –“

A black hoodie. On the chair, next to my bed. And a blue pinstriped long sleeves next to it. Clean, without any trace of blood. On the table beside it, there was a bottle of mineral water, and a zip lock bag of what looked like detergent. And my broken glasses, next to my cigarettes.

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

“No, not at all. Go ahead.”

I take a long, hard drag on my cigarette. “Doc, you might think I’m insane, but Remy’s black hoodie and Theo’s blue polo are on that chair over there. And they’re clean, without a drop of blood. And why is there a zip lock full of detergent next to a mineral water bottle and my broken glasses? Theo broke them, and I thought maybe I was just imagining what I’m seeing, but I don’t think I --”

“Those were the clothes you were wearing when you were brought here. You were clutching those items and won’t let them go as you were being ushered into this room.”

“I don’t understand.” I’m beginning to panic now, my head is buzzing, and I’m starting to sweat bullets.

“It’s okay. We’re here to help. We’ll take care of Theo and Remy for you. For now,” the Doctor was injecting me with something as he was saying this, “Relax. Take it easy. Let the tranquilizer work.”

At the corner of my eye, I could see two people arguing. One looked corporate as hell, and one looked like he was really stoned.

And then, I fall asleep.

At least i didn't get kicked out of school. That would suck. Haha

I'm shifting to creative writing now. And i'm planning to minor in Literature. Combo. Haha

The thing is, i have to submit a copy of my writen works. I have a couple of poems lying aroung at home and in this blog, but i don't know if that will do it.

So i'm writing a short story now. It's about a boy who's so caught up this fast paced world. He's restless as hell, and he's not really trying to find his place.

Sounds familiar? Haha.

I don't know how it will end though.

Ewan. Bahala na.

Wala lang, just sharing.

I don't think i'm ready to go to school tomorrow.

Haha.

Got kicked out of my course. I guess it just isn't for me.

So right now, I'm floating! Weee. Haha adik 

At least i didn't get kicked out of school. Haha.

I'm thinking of shifting to either AB Psychology, AB Communications, or BFA Creative Writing. 

Summer Classes start on Monday, and I'm excited. I think. Haha.

It gets kind of boring at home. And besides, classes = allowance. I need money. Haha. 

I love to study. Haha.

Anyway, what course do YOU think i should shift in?

Haha, who am i kidding. No one reads this. Haha. 

Mukha ba akong mag seseminaryo? Haha.

Sabi naman ni daddy, okay lang yan pag natanggal ka, marami ka pa namang pwedeng gawin eh.

Pwede kang magtrabaho sa dyario,

Pwede ka magvolunteer sa GK,

Or pwede ka rin ipadala sa bundok para maging NPA.

NPA. Very good. Haha. Sabaw tatay ko.

Pero why not? Umakyat naman ako ng puno nung isang araw eh. Sa harap ng simbahan. At uminom ng beer sa taas. Dare eh. Hahaha sheeeeyt

Thank you for being supportive. Seryoso. Haha. 

Di naman ata ako babagsak eh. Ata.

Kung bumagsak nga, fine, i'll consider going to the seminary. Magiging Heswita ako pare. Haha. 

Wala lang. Sharing. Bored eh.