writing this annual christmas post. 

its sad though, I shouldn't be forcing myself to write about something as wonderful as Christmas, after all. it is HIS birthday. 

but I just can't seem to find the heart to write about it.  I don't want to fake a story about how much I enjoyed the season when I just didn't. All the hustle and bustle.. All the mishaps. All the pressure and insanity.. especially at home.  All the requirements. 

...

but then now that I think about it and as I recall the eve, yes there were no festivities. No party nor extended relatives around. No merry-making nor hopping and skipping. But as I recall, I was smiling. Yes, I was happy.  I may not have enjoyed the pre-Christmas hype with all the stress and well.. issues.. up and about, but I did enjoy Christmas itself.

I remember myself smiling.  Smiling at my siblings and mom :) I bought all of them new clothes, hoodies for the kids and a dress for my mom :) and yes, despite the large debt I've put myself in because of money consumption and present shopping, I was happy.  Nothing could keep me from smiling once I saw the kids put on their colorful hoodies and show them off to each other as well as play their new sungka set.  Few things could top that.

I have my family right where I want them.  I have people that have given me the chance to love them as they love me.  I have a home.  It may be an imperfect and chaotic home at times but it's still home :)

I have friends who would never ever desert me. People who I can simply text when I feel down and would surely cheer me up.  People who I could tell anything to and still be accepted.  People who seem to be a world away from me but still, care.  People who tolerate my insanity and drama. 

I have.... wow, quite a lot. 

I guess I have a lot of things to be thankful for after all. And when it comes down to the bottom of things, Christmas is all about these things.  These things we call gifts wrapped in human skin and warmth.  

God, thank you :) I guess it's never too late to feel the Christmas spirit.

Mehn, once again.. it was YOUR birthday, but You were the one who gave me a gift.

THANK YOU. :)

Hope you guys appreciated your Gifts as well :)

Here's hoping you'll feel Christmas all year round. :)

Have a happy Christmas-y year people :)

Remember your smiles. :)

come share this moment with me. 

i honestly can't write anymore. the more natural way nowadays for me to organize words would be in third person, past tense. passive. extremely passive. 

and yes, some factor for this evasive nature of mine nowadays to write stems from insecurity. demnit. 

writing was once a hobby for her. was. 

i need to grow up. enough now. 

come share this moment with me.

 yun lang yun eh...

 wala nang paraan para ilarawan..

 kung hindi

 masaklap..

 why didn't you answer your phone?

 what's your problem? I was there wasn't I? I was waiting for you... On the way you said, so I waited and waited and waited and waited.  Minutes went by, approximately 30 even, and still you were not there. My stomach was already growling, my fever rising and my breathing getting heavy.  Where were you?

 so why didn't you answer your phone?!

  what's your problem? I was there wasn't I? But then that wasn't enough for you.  You had to scream at me from the middle of the road.  Eyes turned towards me, burned me, thanks a lot.  

 so why didn't you answer your phone?!?

  what's your problem? I was there wasn't I? You shouted once again your lungs out at me inside the car.  Demanded my phone and for what? Just to keep it.  Keep it away from me.  Does my misery turn into your happiness? I hope that isn't the case.  

 so why didn't you answer your phone?!?!

  what's your problem? I was there wasn't I? It turned out you were late because you ate out, again.  I was there, waiting in the cold, hungry and sick.  Where were you? Filling your stomach.  You didn't even bother to buy some food for me.  Thanks, I really, really, really felt the concern.

 so why didn't you answer your phone?!?!

  what's your problem? I was there wasn't I? All that for a simple phone call?

 so why didn't you answer your phone?!?!?

  why didn't you answer your phone?!?!?!

  why didn't you answer your phone?!?!?!

 because it was you...

 it was your name on the display..

 masaklap.

 i hope you never share this moment with me

Do you remember..

the girl you used to know...

- Cindy Lou Who of The Grinch

< hindi na baleng huli, basta meron...>

Christmas fire..

deteriorating in the past..

consumed too early..

with none left to last..

About three days from Christmas, I was wrapping presents ALL DAY..

About two days from Christmas, I was wrapping presents and buying presents.. ALL DAY...

The day before Christmas, I was wrapping presents, buying presents and listing even more presents.. ALL DAY..

 The day itself, oh-so-wonderful Christmas, I was wrapping presents, buying presents, listing even more presents, and giving presents to impatient kids.. ALL DAY...

The day after, I was wrapping presents, buying presents, listing even more presents, giving presents to impatient kids, and cleaning up my siblings' presents.. ALL DAY..

so dani, how's Jesus' birthday for you?

oh right, its about HIM.. not the presents..

Christmas came and left me dumbfounded, lost even. To tell the truth, I barely felt it.  With my siblings leaving a storm in almost every room and my parents fighting  in the next room, it was hard to really contemplate on Christmas.  Sad as it is, Christmas is so built up with all the presents and decorations and food, that its true essence, its meaning, the reason why its special, is completely forgotten.

Its sad because I let myself succumb to all the commercial materialistic pressure of Christmas. Its sad that in order for my parents not to fight I had to do their Christmas chores.  Its sad that my siblings aren't satisfied with their gifts.  It's sad.. IT REALLY IS..

 So,

where are you Christmas?

Do you remember?

 but after all that...

after all the fatigue..

the sadness..

the insane gift buying..

the selfishness...

the loneliness.

the fighting..

there is..

there is

the glee in the wonders of Christmas..

the stars smiling down upon us..

the joy in hugging relatives..

the incredible time catching up with life..

the effort to set differences aside.

the care.

the love..

        THE HOPE...

and isn't that what Christmas is all about?

underneath the red anger..

underneath the green overdecorated tree.

underneath the blue money..

underneath the black sadness..

underneath the gray fatigue..

       underneath every color..

            there is the WHITE LIGHT OF OUR SHINING HOPE..

He was born on this day, beside the donkey and the sheep, in hay...

to give us not gifts that we hold or need to pay..

but the gift of salvation, hope and love

the gift..

priceless and pure...

this Christmas with all the gifts under the tree

with all the hustle and bustle..

let us remember the one and true GIFT to man is not wrapped in colorful shiny paper..

but is wrapped in skin and shepherd's clothing..

our redeemer, our savior, our brother and our God. :)

This season, while we still have the time

let's celebrate the new year and the days to come..

by appreciating the gifts we have..

by giving thanks for the gifts we have..

by appreciating and giving thanks for THE GIFT..

through all this chaos, there is order.

through all this darkness, there is light

through all this material, there is spirit

through all this... there is HOPE..

this Christmas, lets celebrate CHRISTmas..

I remember

I believe

THE GIFT we have received..

THE GIFT we forever hold..

I remember..

CHRISTmas...

Where are you CHRISTmas?

Do you remember..

The girl you used to know...

- Cindy Lou Who of The Grinch

come share the moments with me.. 

bago tumungo sa katipunan, manila o diliman...

isang huling hirit ng apat na taong pinagsamahan...

isang huling hirit, ngiti, tuwa, kasiyahan....

may 24 - 27...

3 days...

12 people...

1 resort...

1 heck of a fun time...

will forever remember...

forever cherished...

a little girl crying in front of me..

asking me please not to grow up...

but looks who's growing up now???

do you remember?

that time?

72 B. Gonzales, Loyola Heights, Quezon City.

February 28, 2002..

you were crying back then, i wanted to cry too..

you were only 8 back then...

why were you crying?

these were your words

"dan, don't grow up.. I don't want you to be a teenager..."

"why?"

"because... when you're a teenager, you'll do teenager stuff and you'll leave me.. you won't play with me anymore and you'll just go with your friends. You won't want to be with me anymore. Because you're a teenager."

"Even though I'm a teenager, I'll always be here to play with you. That's what cousins are for."

That's what cousins are for...

 La Brea Subd. Dona Carmen, Commonwealth

march 20, 2007

Here we are now, worlds apart...

Living in different times, places...

Living totally different lives...

But what the heck, I still love you cousin..:) and you know it. :)

I'll always be here for you..

to rant to..

to play with..

to talk to..

to criticize music with...

to draw with..

to photograph with..

or just relish these moments we have...

heck, that's what cousins are for..

You cried to me before because I was growing up...

Now you're the one who's growing...

And I'm so happy and proud of you :)

I know you'll go far...

Don't underestimate the power of your dreams...

You'll know I'll always be here to back you up... :)

Love you ina.. :)

Take care of yourself and all the dario's there...:)

Godspeed cousin..:)

Hope all your wishes come true... :) 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY INA :) 

 i remember a little girl...

a little girl crying in front of me..

asking me please not to grow up...

but looks who's growing up now???

come share the moment with me... 

a word to describe the night and day that passed...

surreal...

it all seemed like a dream... did every bit of that just happen?

 it all seemed so fast... is it really all over? did it even start?

  it all seemed so....

so...

so...

so...

surreal..

you people know who you are..

you people who made the 15th happen..

you people who have made 18 years of my life worth living..

you people who have just made me realize how blessed i am to be with you all..

you people who have shared these great moments with you..

you people who cared..

thank you..

to Jumba's experiments..

to the freezing pool..

to the gazebo moments..

to the soap spray...

to the dolphin race..

to the live band..

to the freezing aircon..

to GOAL..

to RAISE YOUR VOICE...

to popcorn..

to Burger Machine...

to the deflatable pillows..

to the sarongs...

to 1,2,3 PASS...

to  hangman...

to my family... 

to all my friends...

to my teachers..

to my GOD 

for the warmth..

for the laughs..

for the smiles..

for these rare moments..

for you... 

I thank GOD I was born in this world to share a lifetime with you all..

surreal..

 come share the moment with me...

do you?

I hear it...

do you?

do you hear what I hear?

do you hear what I hear??

do you hear what I hear???

IT's the sound of CHRISTMAS... :)

*BOOM*

the sound of the fireworks? the ones that sparkle in the evening sky or the ones that simply go off on the streets? the fountains? the sparklers? the whistlers? the rockets? the bombs? a simple outlet of JOY that you share with everyone around you???    is this the true sound of christmas?

No.. Listen more closely...

*GLO-OOO-OOO-OOO-RIA*

the songs of the christmas carolers?? the songs that come out of the blue in the once quiet evening lifting our spirits?? the ones with their santa hats on and one with a guitar in his hands strumming away? the sound of those singing their hearts out not caring if they're off tune?? the ones that bring you CHEER in the lonely night?    is this the true sound of christmas?

No.. Listen more closely...

*FIZZ*

the sound of the sodas as the sit in the cups waiting to be drank by merry relatives?? the sound of the sodas that are on the table mixing in with the voices of the people we love??? the sound that reminds us of our home, our family as on this one day we all come together to celebrate?? The sound that reminds us of the PEACE on Christmas when we sit all together setting aside our faults and differences???    is this the true sound of christmas?

No... Listen more closely....

*HAHAHA*

 the sound of laughter ringing true in our ears? the sound of young and old alike as they fill up with happiness? the sound that we are all familiar with and love to hear? the sound that surrounds us on this eve as we try to stay up till midnight to open presents, hug and be merry? the sound that keeps us WARM in the night?    is this the true sound of christmas?

 No... Listen more closely....

you're almost there...

*RIPPP*

the sound of paper ripping? the sound of children opening their gifts and shrieking with glee??? the sound of presents being opened? the sound of wonderful bows and sparkling wrapping paper being pulled to shreds? and yet instead of paper, the eyes are sparkling and the faces of the children are filled with wonder. the sound that reminds us of the tokens of love, that we are CHERISHED?    is this the true sound of christmas?

No... Listen more closely....

just a bit more...

*zzzzzz*

 the sound of the peaceful snores? the sound which often comes from young ones as they doze off to sleep, all tired out from the nights festivities??? the sound wich is often accompanied by the parents' warm embrace, reminding us how much they CARE?   is this the true sound of christmas?

No... Listen more closely....

there it is...

do you hear it?

it's just a whisper but it's stronger than anything...

*LUB-DUB*

the beating of my heart? the steady sound? the heart filled with ACCEPTANCE and MEMORIES especially on this day? the one sometimes frustrated, angry, happy, and sad?    is this the true sound of christmas?

No... Listen more closely...

you're already there...

do you hear what I hear?

*I LOVE YOU*

Who said that?? a voice so touching and kind... a voice filled with peace and serenity... a voice filled with LOVE...   is this the true sound of christmas?

*I LOVE YOU - JESUS

---------and so He was born to save us all.. SMILE and REJOICE for on this day He was born and shared the wonders of His Love----

*.BOOM.*.GLO-OOO-OOO-OOO-RIA.*.FIZZ.*.HAHA.*.RIPPP.*.zzzzzz.*.LUB-DUB.*

~~~translate~~~

*.JOY.*.CHEER.*.PEACE.*.WARM.*CHERISHED.*.CARE.*.ACCEPTANCE and MEMORIES.*

 the sounds of CHRISTMAS...

but strongest though just a whisper....

I LOVE YOU...

no need to translate that...

it's the TRUE voice of CHRISTMAS...

    lose together...

         TEAMMATES..."

 -troy bolton, HSM

Running with all my might...

with only the maroon ones in front of me..

Asking myself....

where were all of you???

Shouting my heart out...

running as fast as I can..

just to see that you guys aren't in front of me when you could have beem...

just to see that you guys aren't listening to me...