Showing My Scars - Chevman

my oh my, how i love wi-fi

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 17:08:54 +0000

this is so awesome. i'm mooching off of my neighbor's wi-fi on a MacBook that was lent to me by PokerStars.com for work. yes, i said PokerStars.com, the BIGGEST online poker site on the PLANET. They've hired me to help them work on their upcoming tournament. details are at http://www.appt.com. this is what's mainly keeping me busy nowadays. meetings left and right, poker poker and more poker. maybe i'll start playing again in the near future...online...hmm...

HIT FM is asking me to join their morning show...6-9am...i don't know if my brain is capable of functioning properly at that ungodly hour but i'm willing to try.:) wish me luck!

that's it for now...i know it's not much of an update...i'll get into more detail soon enough...when i'm in the right state of mind to type more.

-chevy

update update update!

Fri, 11 May 2007 03:48:13 +0000

My previous post? You can forget about everything I said there. My feelings for that certain person have been destroyed. All gone. Promise. I’ve finally met my match. And I’m so friggin’ happy with her. Happier than I’ve ever been with anyone I’ve been with in the past. This girl makes me want to be a better man. Cliché, yes, but very true. It’s incredible what has happened between us the past month. I met this beautiful person on April 4, 2007, started seeing each other almost everyday since then, and then I asked her to be my girlfriend on April 28, 2007. That’s a 24-day ‘courtship’, if that’s what you want to call it. 3 weeks and 3 days. Crazy shit, huh? But, yes, we’re crazy about each other. As of now, she’s on the other side of the world, but we still stay in touch with each other. She’ll be back next month and when she returns, I’ll be the happiest man on the face of this planet. I know I’ve probably said this all before about other girls, but this time, I’m sure of my feelings. No doubts, whatsoever. Seriously. I love her and she loves me. She’s the only woman I want to be with. No other girl comes close.

As of right now, I’m kind of in between jobs. There are a couple of projects that I really want to be a part of, but confirmation is not coming soon. So, to kill time, I’m working on a screenplay that has been on my mind for the past couple of years now. It’ s a passion project of mine and I really want to make this happen within the next 5 years. If it doesn’t happen, I’ll be very disappointed with myself.

I’m actually typing this post in my room on my baby’s laptop, which she let me borrow while she’s gone. Thanks, Rica…I love you. It’s so awesome using a Mac in the comfort of my own room. I love this feeling. If anyone were to walk into my room right now, they’d probably think I’m being REALLY productive. I think the image of anyone using a Mac in their room would make them look very smart. Society and the entertainment industry are to blame for that. I don’t really mind. Of course, I’m using a Mac.

Tipsy is the perfect word to describe me at this very moment. Gino and I decided to have an impromptu ‘inuman session’ here at the house, since we have so much alcohol to spare, courtesy of Franco. Raissa dropped by before we started drinking, then Franco came home, then Kelly joined us for a bit. We were just laughing our asses off, talking about girls, getting caught in the act, catching people in the act, people getting caught in the act by themselves, sitting naked in the Jacuzzi without filling it up with water, and other stuff. It was one of the best nights I’ve ever had here in this house. It made me realize how much I treasure just relaxing with my friends, sharing a drink, and talking about anything and everything that comes to mind. I love my housemates, because they are my friends.

That’s it for now. Until next time, look busy because God is watching.

-chevy

blabbing on...

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 16:31:20 +0000

For now, I’ll just be blabbing on about the random thoughts that are in my mind right this moment…starting with (*drumroll please*) my love life! No surprise there, huh? Right now, I’m starting to re-feel some feelings that I had for a special someone. It’s like déjà vu all over again. She has always been prominent in my life, even after we had that nasty “split” a little over a year ago. We remained friends although she was with someone else…but now, we’re both single, spending time together, and I’m at a loss for words whenever I’m with her…but in a good way. Thing is, I have absolutely NO idea how she feels about me. Others say that she might still be in love with her ex…which is totally possible. But what makes this situation kinda complicated is that her ex is a guy who is REALLY close to me…like my long-lost brother, with whom I still hang out with almost all the time………………………………………….just texted her, and I think I just ruined it. Damn it. What the hell is wrong with me? I feel like such an idiot for letting her go. I should’ve just held on through the tough times and stuck it out. But no…I just HAD to take the easier path. And now, I’m paying the price. I can’t stop thinking about her…about what might have been…about how good things could’ve been if we stayed together…if I wasn’t such a moron. Now I just sit around, wondering. Wondering if that happiness I had with her in the past can still come back and flood my life once more…happiness that only SHE can provide me. No one else comes close to her. NO ONE. She’s amazing, inside and out…and I love her so damn much, it literally hurts. I’m sure most of you know how terrible it feels to tell the one that you love and cherish how you feel, and get a smile in return. A smile. Nothing more, nothing less. I miss the way she’d tell me that she loved me. I miss the way she looked in my eyes while saying it. I miss the way we’d hug, then look at each other, then kiss…in her car, under the stars, in front of my house, in her condo, at a bar, at a restaurant…everywhere. That feeling that I tried to find in other people but failed miserably. And now, my chances of getting that feeling back is next to impossible. All because of that stupid fork in the road that I came to a little more than a year ago. Stubborn little fool…why didn’t you listen to anyone? They were all right. Everyone. Fucking idiot. And now, I’m left with nothing. And I think that’s how it’s gonna be for a while. I still have faith though…faith that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen…maybe not now, but eventually. I attended a wedding this afternoon, and while I was sitting in the church pew, listening to the priest’s sermon, I got to thinking…if I were to marry anyone, spend the rest of my life with just that one person, wake up every morning to the sound of their voice, eat all my meals with, be the first person I’d greet in the morning and the last I say good night to before going to sleep at night, who would that person be? No one came to my mind but HER. I know I’m going to be hurting a couple of you out there by saying this, but that’s how I feel as of right now. I can honestly say that I am at my best when I am around her. The happy couple made me sing a couple of songs at the reception, and since I knew that she was there, I gave one of my best performances ever. I wasn’t even listening to the audience’s applause after my songs…all I saw was the smile on her face. I zoned out for a split second…and that smile of hers just blew me away. See, that effect that she has on me bears no comparison. I know for a fact that even if I had a solo concert in a packed Araneta Coliseum, standing ovation and everything, if she weren’t there, I wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t be content. She makes me want to sing all my songs for her. When I hold her hand, I feel invincible. Funny thing is, I realized all this once I lost her. And if, God willing, I get the chance to be with her again, I’m sure as hell am NOT going to let her go…no matter what. I loved her then, I still love her now, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to love her for the rest of my life. Yes, that’s how BIG of an impact she has made in my life. Some of you probably don’t believe in this “hormonal scam” that we call love…and, hey, in this world, I don’t blame you. But, in my opinion, true love DOES exist. It may not be perfect at first, but something always happens and you recognize the truth in all these so-called fairy tales. I’m just determined to I get my “happily-ever-after” with her. I want it so badly. Even as I sit here, typing my thoughts, my entire being just wants to be with her. I feel this way every time I’m not in her presence. Besotted. I am besotted by her. Always will be. I’m at another fork in the road. This time, I’m NOT going to take the easier way…I’m sticking it out this time around. Because I know where this difficult path will lead to…straight to her heart. And I know that that’s where I want to be for the rest of my life.

Whew! That was a lot…on to better things…I have officially moved into my new house in White Plains…I’ve been here for about 2 weeks now and everything is going great! The only thing that sucks is the fact that some (if not all) of our neighbors don’t really like us that much…the reason behind that? We had a party here a few days back and we were REALLY loud…a total of 13 houses called up the guards complaining that we were causing a ‘ruckus’ (if anyone still uses that word today) in the neighborhood. It was a crazy night! But we were just using the house to its full potential. There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

I might start working in Eastwood, since it’s so near, as a call center agent. I know it’s not what I want to do, but it’s a start…since I AM starting a new life, I might as well go for the full transformation…acting wasn’t really doing much for me. A lot of people I’ve been talking to say that I should just stick it out and continue my acting career…something big will come eventually. But I highly doubt that. It’s sad that I have to say goodbye to my passion…but sometimes, you have to make sacrifices just to survive in life. And for me, this is the ultimate sacrifice.

So there…that’s basically it. Till next time…

-chevy

37 GOOD THINGS TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:14:25 +0000

got this from Gino...my personal faves are in BOLD

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
2. "You say fuck you like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
7. "Do I look like a fucking people person?!"
8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
9. "I started out with nothing - still have most of it left"
10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"
14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 22 years."
17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"
22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."
27. "Not all women are annoying. Some are dead."
28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."
30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
32. "Earth is full. Go home."
33. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
37. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

i miss her...

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 15:28:56 +0000

...my car, i mean. had to sell her today coz i'm low on cash...haaay. life is tough, but i'm confident that i'll be able to make it through this tough time. God has helped me out in the past and i'm 150% sure He'll see me through this time as well.

goodbye, Millicent...we had our fun.

so much has been said.

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 12:41:25 +0000

it's amazing what a transition from an old year to a new one can do to a person. i think the realization that a new year equals a new start helps open one's eyes to new possibilities.

which is exactly what happened to me.

this year, i am saying goodbye to acting...and saying hello to a new career.

i am saying goodbye to the south...and saying hello to Quezon City.

i am saying goodbye to living with family...and saying hello to living on my own.

it's 2007. a year of goodbyes. a year of new hellos. a year of challenges. an uphill climb. a new way of life.

new possibilities.

"A day lived without a laugh is a day lost."

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 17:53:53 +0000

the title of this post came from Rica's blog...and it made me think...if that statement is true, i've been losing a lot of days. the things that have been happening in my life lately have caused me not to smile as often as i should. but hey...a new year is right around the corner...maybe that will help things change...(by the way, that was me trying to be optimistic.)

there are so many things that i want to say here, but because my mind is working overtime, i can't get the words out. but when i do, i'll post it all here, so you guys will (maybe) understand what i'm going through.

i'll be carrying on...

confusion.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 12:50:02 +0000

Lately, I've had a bunch of time all alone here at home...which also means a lot of time to just ponder about the decisions I have made in the past. Everybody has made a few mistakes in the past and there are a couple that I have made myself that I regret so damn much. There are things that I've done that hurt important people in my life. And as i sit here in front of the computer, my mind wanders. I just watched "Click" for the first time and i can't help but wonder if the people I consider important in my life think of me the same way. I'm not very happy with the things that I've done. It has gotten to the point where I'm receiving death threats. I have no idea if those people are serious, but a death threat is a threat nonetheless. So, now, I'm wishing that i could just turn back time and re-think the decisions that i made. (please forgive me if i sound like I'm rambling...I'm just going at the speed of thought right now.)

To the (many) hearts I've broken, i hope that you could still forgive me for what I did to you.

To my family, I'm sorry for being such an ass. I promise, from now on, I will try my best to be the man I said i would be.

To my friends, I'm very sorry that I've been a bit different lately. Just let me get through this, and the Chevy that you know will be back.

i'm so sorry, everyone.

life is shit.

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 11:52:25 +0000

have you ever felt that you don't belong? okay...have you ever felt that feeling for 10 years straight? well, that's how i feel.

i think i'll kill myself.

...i will, Dad.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 08:57:07 +0000

to all those who texted, called, messaged, showed up, hugged, helped, supported, and prayed for my family and me during the past couple of weeks, THANK YOU. i'm so glad that you guys haven't forgotten my father and the legacy that he has left with us.

to all the people who loved him, his voice, his talent, his charisma, his everything, i just pray that you will never forget the way he was able to touch lives through his art.

i can't thank all of you enough for all the support you have shown my family during this very rough time in our lives. i miss him terribly...but i know that he's up in heaven, smiling down and watching over us. everytime i get on stage or in front of the camera, i will be performing for him...and i hope i don't let him down.

i love you, Dad. i miss you so much. and don't worry...i will "make it good" for you...every time. i'm sure there are some "heavenly affairs" that God wants you to host up there. i'll see you again...someday. again, i love you so much. i hope i made you proud.

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 12:41:49 +0000

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:14:55 +0000