A Vanguard of Light

i reach

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:01:53 +0000

Nothing impossible, if you believe God
If you believe God, keep praying. Nothing impossible
-Manny Pacquiao

Going back and Thanksgiving

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 05:51:50 +0000

I am trying to reconnect with God. Though its been up and down, I have made a lot of progess. However, I still have a long way to go. On top of that, I feel like i have been going through the hardest of times. I lost my girlfriend. I don't have a job. I got my car towed which cost 200 dollars. To add to the expenses my roommate moved out, leaving Eric and I to find a roommate. I thought to myself at least i have my health. Well, now i am experiencing back discomfort which is forcing me to be less physically active.

Thank God for the story of Job. It encourages me very much. I know that I am not perfect and things aren't going the way I want them to be. However, I truly hope that I can make a testimony out of these hard times that I am going through. Yes, I know they could be worse and people have gone through worse, but this is my experience, one that I can understand.

At the same time, it is wise to consider my potential and what I do have. I have the simple things. Maybe it is appropriate that the hard times are during Thanksgiving time and Christmas, for they are reminders of what really is important and who really cares.

I was thinking about what I want in life. Alot of times my answer was, "I want to be happy." This still holds true. I aspire to live a simple life with the people that I love.

Sleep

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:22:24 +0000

My friend visited me yesterday and he is still sleeping at 11:20. Its driving me crazy cause I want to be as loud as I want. Wake up bro!

Untitled

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:46:01 +0000

This is the most i've ever used my weblog =)

my memories

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:05:31 +0000

I have a horrible memory. I always forget where I put my wallet and keys. Even with my best friends, I can hardly remember the handshakes we made. And i have known these guys since high school. I suck at remembering things. Even while I was with Shirley, I had trouble remembering the things we did.

But now that we aren't together I have been having the most vivid flashbacks. I am actually impressed with how much I remember. I can even fill in the parts I can't remember, which usually turn out to be correct. I wonder why my mind does this. Its not like I want to remember these things while I am trying to focus. I don't want to forget either. I just wish my brain would stop flashing pictures in my head while im trying to get things done.

Male emotions and thought

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:03:45 +0000

http://www.mybrotha.com/moving-on.asp

So I thought this was interesting. Haha. I AM A MAN!

I am only as grown up as I think I am. I need to realize that there is always room for growth no matter how old/young I am. If I limit myself I will never grow.

sleep

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:59:38 +0000

I am sleeping peacefully. Then at 9 am I hear this jackhammering. WHY!!! They have been doing it for the past two weeks. So annoying. Oh yeah, they are still jackhammering as I type.

Down time

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:47:27 +0000

I have a lot of down time. I know this is one of the main reasons why I had and still kinda having a hard time with this. But i think it makes you stronger than keeping yourself busy. I should keep busy by myself.

So what

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 23:36:25 +0000

So what? I am an emotional guy. I have alot of passion. That doesn't mean I don't have any control. It just means I need more control for that much more passion and energy. It means I have more potential than you. Oh yeah, I am learning how to control my passion. =)

2nd year me vs Alumni me

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:27:45 +0000

In my sophomore year I was an angry person. I was angry at my brother, Christianity, and people who i thought were stupid. I trusted my self too much, but I was so passionate and hot headed. I thought I had life figured out. Eventually this lead me to making some bad decisions. I eventually lost my fire and pretty much lost sight of alot of important things in life (like family). Anyways, to shorten the story, things happened. Two of the really major things was my brother getting his heart surgery and me going throught a very difficult break up. Right now i am still healing over this breakup. I am still trying to let go. (FOR NOW) I place emphasis on the for now part. Because as of now, I plan on trying again later when everything has settled down. Who got me through this? Friends (some friends who I thought would not even care), family, and most importantly the Lord Jesus Christ. The state that I am in right now is very similar to that state I was in during the beginning of my 2nd year in college. One thing is different. My heart is different. The 2nd year heart that I had was probably harder then diamond. The heart I have now is pretty much broken. I am sorry for alot of things that I have done. At the same time, I am realizing that we all do stupid things. We are all the same--just trying to figure out stuff in life and survive. The second year me would probably chose to not make much of everything that happen and pretty much live for myself with that same passion. A strong passion.. but a dry one.

Similary now I have a passion in my heart to conquer this world with, I think i would call it, a more broken spirit. I feel much more alive. Even though there is this pain, I now try to not take life for granted. I try to not take others for granted as much. I am still trying to discover and explore this new "power" that I have. I hope I use it wisely.