In reality, John Paul II was replaced by Benedict XVI, who is a German pope.

Well, in some ways, I'm skeptic and sometimes I'm too gullible. When it's too interesting or controversial, I'll investigate about it. So his claim about writing it in 1998... I dont know if I'm going to believe it or not. Anyway...

Over all... I'll give it a...6.5/10

I like suspense, excitement and mystery, controversy...

There weren't that much suspense and excitement. The Amber Room was much more exciting, then again, he was writing about cardinals and priests, maybe he was thinking that he might be offending the Princes of the Church, if he wrote something too graphic concerning them. Well, he did... but not so much. It actually made me wonder if men of the church actually used the word of God as an excuse for doing something really unforgiveable if done by an ordinary man. I'm not saying I believe it but I got curious if that does happen. dont you?

The mystery was really there. he didn't reveal the third secret until the very end of the book, and I was just dying to know what it was.

Controversy... hmmm... very vague. It was like "The Da Vinci Code." the third secret was about women being equal with man. and that God thought highly of women. That women should be a part of the church, meaning women priests. And why priests were not allowed to have the joy of having a family?... etc.

We've heard it all before... but he added more, like abortion and homosexuality were supposed to be alright with the church because God accepted them..

Allowing something like abortion is so unlike the church, so it's very unlikely. That's murder however you look at it. Also, he said something about how we should not disregard those who love differently from us.. or something like that. meaning homosexuals... there really is nothing wrong with them. Why?

if there was, why do they even exist to begin with? if it was so forbidden, so wrong, people like them should not have been born... but they are. So that means there is reason for their existence and whatever it is, it is because of what they are and they were made that way, they didn't have the choice, why persecute them for that?

Anyway... that's just me and my opinions.

So... yeah, I cant say it was boring because I wasnt. but it wasnt all that exciting either. It was interesting enough for me to read the whole thing without skipping the walls of text. I read every damn word. So all in all, it was good.

Berry's like a safe Brown.

Okay, so maybe it isn't fair of me to compare these two since, well, they're different. In a way, I like how these two handle the topics their novels revolve around in.

Brown looks like a person who likes to gossip. I like his dedication to his novels because it's obvious that he researches about them. To know every detail of every setting and the history behind it. It's amazing.

And because  of his extensive research he turns this facts into rumors by adding fictional evidence. You want to believe it because he states to much fact in it that it looks/ sounds as though it was real. He's like reviving old ancient issues... and he does a marvelous job of doing so.

Then again, i'm only referring to "The da Vinci code" and "Angels and Demons." the other two... eerr, I like "Digital Fortress"... it was interesting and I learned a few tricks from there about codes. [have used it once or twice] but the "Deception Point" was kinda... disappointing. It was too... corny. for me.

As for Berry, I like the topics he chooses.

The Romanov Prophecy

The Amber Room

The Templar Legacy

The Third Secret

The Alexandria Link

So far, I've read 3.

I'd rate the "Romanov Prophecy" a 5/10.

Sure it was exciting, but I know all the facts about the Romanov family. It just doesn't come close to convincing me that it's a possibility. So no controversy for me. and controversy is a big factor for me.

the "Amber Room" I'd rate a 8/10. Because it's the first time I've heard about it. The history lesson was good as far as it goes... because, up until now, it hasn't been found. But! but the idea of it falling into the hands of an ordinary civilian, a collector, sure... but a treasure as valuable as that and as huge... falling into an unknown person's hands was just too... unbelievable. Not possible. Not happening. How lucky can one person get.

What? What the world considers as "the eight wonder of the world" just falls on your lap? I don't think so.

and I just talked about "the Third Secret"

He's issues are too safe. Not enough controversy to create a stir with people supposedly involved. The situations he creates are too impossible, at least for me. But if he really wanted it to be like that... It would be fantastic!

Next on my reading list is "The Alexandria Link"

Another mystery. A library containing some of the oldest manuscripts as old as the 3rd century. Nobody really knows how it was destroyed... there were too many incidences that may have caused its destruction, or maybe all of it have played a part in it.

So, Berry, give me a good one!

augh... jea, you suck! big time! sheesh... I don't know who you are anymore. You need to brush up on your skills. the one thing you know you're somehow good at and you failed.

FAILED.

FAILED!!! FAILED!!! FAILED, YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!

jeez... and I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal out of this. I feel sick. blech.

I literally feel sick. You know, like heavy and weak. Wow. my wussness has reached a different intensity. augh! could I be anymore suckier!

what's more suckish is that I'm beating myself up! Its hard enough hearing things from other people and here I am degrading myself more. I have no more self-confidence. I just completely obliterated what was left of it or what little I had in me.

and yet... I continue to write. sheesh!

complete wacko!

I really feel sick! eeeehhh?! I need something and I don't know what it is... I just need something to brighten up my day... or just to simply make my mood better... now, what would a JEA normally want on days like these?

hell! I don't know... I feel too weak and suckish to think!

but then you come across someone, who is completely different from you... so different that you keep bickering with each other over the simplest things and yet, you find yourself completely honest with that person. you're not afraid of saying the wrong thing because basically, to that person, everything you do say is wrong so... the hell with everything else.

its just that sometimes, I can't be that comfortable with friends like that. I feel like if I say the wrong thing, I'll lose them... unlike when you're arguing with someone, you're not really afraid of losing that person since you're relationship with him is basically built upon your differences and argument.

but you know... I don't consider myself honest that way. Unless, I can tell everybody how I feel exactly, then I can say that I have been honest but the truth is... I lie. A lot. You cannot even imagine the lies I tell a person in one day.

and yet I used to think... I can never lie when the situation asks for it... it sorta comes naturally, can't force it.

I watched "My Girl" the korean drama... and the girl there was a fabulous liar and a great actress, I could almost pass up as her... almost. I don't constantly lie and besides, her lies have really noble reasons behind them... mine doesn't.

I just lie for the heck of it. Simply because I don't want to tell the truth. It's not like I'm protecting someone, or its for the greater good or something... I just don't want to tell the truth.

I know...*bad jea!*

anyway... just a part of my bum moments. you know me, I like to think about really useless things.

another thing... I don't like to think about useful stuff, it hurts my brain. lol. ^o^

seeing is believing, after all.

the earthquake in china...

the cyclone in myanmar...

it is summer time but this is actually the first time in my life that I didn't feel the heat of the summer.

before, me, my brother and sister, would eagerly wait for the first rainfall in May. it was much awaited because we'd be suffering from the heat for two months... but now, it's like we're waiting for it to stop raining.

Storms are popping out sooner than expected and the casualties it ensues are anything but expected.

it's here. visible damages. countless casualties. we knew it was inevitable and yet we did nothing. do we actually need more proof before something even worse happens?

its a vindictive wrath that no one can stop.

just a realization... we should all take their advice. watch the inconvenient truth. follow in earl's footsteps... DO SOMETHING.

"I see stars..."

that simple phrase had me laughing until I turned blue [okay, exag] but the truth is, I haven't really laughed that much in a long time, since there isn't really anything to laugh about... you know that kind of laugh... an honest laugh.It wasn't forced and it was premeditated... an honest, spontaneous laugh.

you may think that these kinds of things are natural and that it comes often, but the truth is, things like honest laughs really are hard to come by.

expressions aren't what they seem anymore. As much as your face wants to tell everybody around you exactly how you feel, it doesn't. What's worse is that it's actually trying to convince the person wearing that said expression to feel that way.

I smiled yesterday. You know? that kind of smile that pops out of nowhere and the fact that it made you smile, made your smile even bigger. and then after a while, [I'm not trying to be emo here but...] I realized that no matter how good that smile felt, burried beneath it was anything but happiness. The more I thought about the thing/person that made me smile, made me realize that there really wasn't any reason why I should be smiling in the first place.

I just hate it when I think too much.

Instead of just being happy for the moment, I just ruined by thinking of all the things why I shouldn't be.

I smiled a real smile... and just as fast as that smile appeared, it was gone. Smiles were supposed to make people happy, not make them regret things or think about impossible what-if situations, but that's just exactly how I felt.

facial expressions aren't what they used to be. tears are for both sadness and happiness and apparently so are smiles. nothing is what it seems to be anymore; and you'll keep thinking its one or the other.

If you yourself, don't know how you feel, how will you be able to convince the people around you?

Why is it for some people extracurricular activities are more important than studies? Scholarship? What's the use if you flunk it anyway? Or health? Would you rather have a broken arm than lose your scholarship? 

We humans can be so stupid at times. We don't think enough. These kinds of decisions are supposed to be thought of carefully... actually, not even. You don't even really have to choose, the answer is there but somehow, you'll still go for the wrong one. why? I guess it's how one looks at his/her current situation.

I heard someone say that, for example, there's an accident in an intersection; witnesses from all sides will have different versions of what happened. None of them are the same. I guess it's like that. Maybe from my point of view, these people are prioritizing the wrong things but maybe important to them. However, like I said, there are things which doesn't really need to be thought of because it's not a matter of who's wrong or right but rather what's right. Get that?

We have standards, that's where we base our judgment and it really doesn't matter whether or not you think you were in the right mind at that time because you made a wrong decision and that's that. 

Anyway, enough of that. My brain's lagging. Such slow reactions! lol. I can certainly feel the summer alright. hmmmm... I wonder, WHAT DO I PRIORITIZE RIGHT NOW? 

people...tsk tsk, what will they think of next?

Being a lover of scandals and all, I am still a devout Catholic (believe it or not). I have always been interested in the battle of those who read the bible and of those who read facts. I'm not saying that the bible isn't factitious, I just believe in it. As much as I would want to believe in real researches, I feel like betraying my faith if I do. I believe in facts, in things that I can see, in things that can be proven right in front of, be defended, I would like to be proven wrong. I love science. but I do love my faith. 

If we were to believe on the Bible alone, why on earth is there science? Why was it allowed to exist? if we weren't meant to know about things, God must have done something by now so that people wouldn't know the real world. Don't say free will. He could've easily taken that too. 

I had once questioned my mom about God ( I watched Discovery Channel and I became curious) and she got angry at me for even questioning it. ever since then, I've always felt like that if I questioned God, I've sinned a great deal and that I would never have Him by my side. 

I am scared to be alone and those times that I've felt most alone, whenever I asked for help, I always got it. How can I not believe in God? Believing in Him has always made me feel better; Or is it psychological? I know He'll always have my back whatever happens... maybe that's it?

But I don't think that's it... He created science and maybe He's using it. Let's say that he used the "drugs" as a sort of medium for Moses to receive the 10 Commandments. That's possible isn't it?

We always need something to feel, see, hear supernatural phenomena... it's just a matter of perception. Is it deception? or is He at work?

Faith... at times when the world seems full of lies and deception, that's the only thing we can hold on to, so I'm never letting go of mine. 

so, there are three types of masks and two kinds of worlds. the mask I  wear in OUR world is the one that deceives; or at least, it's the one I usually wear. Sometimes, I bring along the one that protects but I often forget to bring the one that liberates. Point is, I seldom feel like myself when I'm with other people. Yes, I am a plastic and a pretty good one at that. I am all smiles when I'am around people and I can converse as though nothing is wrong... but once I step back into my world, that all changes.

Why am I telling you this, you might ask?

I guess it's my way of telling that we all have worlds of our own, meaning, we all have these "masks" and none of us really sees the real face behind the mask. We are all plastics and that no matter how much you say that you welcome us into your world, you really don't want to.

Your world is your sanctuary, the one place you feel is cruel and yet it still feels like the most honest place. It may feel lonely but when you think about it, it's a whole lot lonelier outside where everybody says what everybody else wants to hear and none of them is the truth. In our world, you know for a fact that people backstabs and lies and deceives and everything else of the sort; and you're doing it too but you can't be honest because you'll lose out to everyone else. Nobody will listen to you anyway.

Lately, I have seen the other worlds that people have created. I have caught a glimpse of what is inside and right when I was about to enter it, the door was shut at my face. I can take a hint. If I'm not wanted, I won't push it.

There really were more than just two worlds my world, the oustide world and a world I created for those who wants to become a part of my world, a sort of foyer. However, after everything that has happened lately, I have decided to demolish the foyer and thus it was down to two.

I took out the welcome rug too. From now on, it's just me and everybody else.

Sorry, it seems that I've misplaced the mask that liberates.

have you seen the movie "The Breakfast Club". There was a scene there, where this girl Allison (basketcase) dumped all of her things on the couch. If I'm correct, she was asked about one of the things there and she didn't want to talk about it. Andrew( athlete) said, "Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems."

I don't like it when people show they have problems but that's all they ever do. Show. They won't elaborate nor are they willing to share. then they get angry when somebody misinterprets it. Lack of communication is one of our biggest problems. We have to much misundertanding and yet no cares to explain and will leave it at that or worse, start a fight. If I'm guessing right, wars started this way.

Don't invite people into your problems when you're not willing to share. Do not welcome people into your world if your just gonna make them stand at the door.

too much thinking! all this time alone gets me whacked... I'm slipping back to my world! Ciao!

Anyway, as I have said...nothing has changed. No regrets, no worries..I'm not sorry about anything. I was confident I wasn't going to die. (believe me, I've tried. lol) however... every time somebody tells me how lucky I am or that they were/are glad that I'm fine, I cry... I don't know if I'm touched or maybe I do feel happy that I am alive.

I am thankful to everybody who took care of me. You have no idea how thankful I am. The mere fact that I know you got my back, makes me feel better.

I know, I'm blogging about this a little late, it's just that, I haven't really been doing a lot of thinking, just now and it's so EMO. hahaha.

I still don't have any regrets though. I can't think of any. I don't have any unfinished businesses (maybe I do, but I really don't care if I finish them or not), I'm still not saying the "L" word to a certain somebody (not even death can make me say that ...maybe I don't really like him that much then..hmmmm....)...oh well.

ah shet. this blog wasn't really supposed to be for that. this was supposed to be about my "men are jerks and women are stupid" drama.

then again, maybe i shouldn't blog about that. I might say some insensitive things about the things I observe/see everyday... I do have a lot of thought about the current issues surrounding our class...but I guess I'll keep it to myself, or maybe I will blog about it and then keep it private (muahahaha). one thing is for sure though, we women are plastics. I just realized that. We are. I am. and if one you even deny that then you're a bigger plastic than you already are. Kaya don't deny it, embrace it. lol. 

 note: ignore typos and the wrong grammar(<-see?) too tamad to rewrite.