You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to
make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all
you want to do is cry

[Chorus]
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make
things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live
our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away
then maybe you can change
your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on
everything around you
Man it's good to be so warm

[Chorus]

And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just
feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live
our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow Someday

[x2]
Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

~this song just seemed so perfect for the things we're going through.

I'm gonna miss Beato, the profs, the people, the tinderas outside, my spot sa labas ng gate, lulu's condo and he's balcony (parang lahat may connection sa yosi ko? hahaha) I shouldn't be missing UST and Beato because it's easy to go back, I should be missing the life of a student, but not just yet. I haven't rid myself of the excitement of finally breaking free from it.

Yeah...I'm free.

or am I?

now that I'm no longer a student, I've officially stepped into the world of adults. I don't think I'm ready just yet for that kind of resposibility but somehow, it excites me. I am excited but I'm more afraid.

It's like my delibs all over again, but I just think of it this way... I got through that, I'm gonna get through this.

So hello world! and beware... jinx is on the loose.

Why is it that when I want people to read what I write nobody reads them? and when I expect no one reads what I write someone reads it.

*sigh*

the ups and downs of a controversial writer.

I shouldn't be blogging. I still have my thesis to finish (yeah it's still not done..almost; I dunno how to layout it *ehem* pa-layout!*ehem* LOL) Anyway..I have too much in my mind write now to think of obvious solutions that's right in front of my face playing with it shamelessly, but since I'm absentminded most of the time lately, I can't think of anything else but being stranded.

Yep. I was stranded. Where? in Cainta. in seemingly god-forsaken Cainta.

Oh I'm not complaining and I'm not whining...that was some...hmmm.. experience. I had fun though; but saying I had fun while people were dying and struggling seems really insensitive doesn't it? again I'm sorry for saying I had fun during the flood but... ok, maybe it wasn't fun, but it was some experience. One I wouldn't trade for anything in my life.

It was my first time at her house, imagine that. after that ordeal, I didn't want to leave. Her room, her house the streets, the view from her balcony already felt oh-so familiar. I also gained friends whilst confined in that house. We bonded over corned beef and luncheon meat. We craved and drooled over ice and begged for water.

I am saddened by what that flood brought to other people and what others had to go through to survive it. But it means so differently to me. Ends are markers for new beginnings. When I think of the loss, my mind wonders what that loss is making room for.

I'm a pessimist, believe me, but being depressed for things that we have lost only makes it harder to move on and let go. Things happen for a reason and we may not see that reason now, but it'll all make sense in the future.

No matter how much we lost there is always something to be thankful for.

I know what you're thinking. I didn't lose anyone. You're right, and I don't know how they feel, nor will I pretend to. I'm sorry for their loss, I can't even imagine losing someone nor do I wanna think about it. But like I said, ends are beginnings, there is always something to be thankful for like life or chance. We need not more agony because that will only keep us down. We need to look for the little things that make us feel better to get through this.

We need something to look forward to and not look back at things that drag us down.

We need to survive not only for ourselves but for those who depend on us and look up to us.

We can get through this, we can get through everything, every obstacle... we just have to find out how.

I want to cry where someone won't stop me from doing so.

I want to cry while someone listens to me

for once.

~emo morning all!

note to self: people with vertigo should't climb stairs. especially ones without railing. 

This is getting out of hand. When your dizzy, you close your eyes to stop the world from spinning or to wait until it does. It should not make it worse or prolong the said spinning. I found myself hugging walls and doors or whatever I could get my hands on. this is soooo not normal anymore.

People with migraines shouldn't have vertigo, bad, really bad combination. My migraine attack comes in three waves. It's usually before, during and after that thing we girls have every month. It's not just one, it attacks three different times. 

So I could live with that. I've gotten used to it. But when it's not that time yet, I don't expect migraines. So this vertigo is a really big pain in the ass not to mention my head. Now my migraines have a new trigger. What used to be my relief is now the cause of my discomfort.

I can no longer close my eyes to shut the blinding painful light, that makes my migraines worse and unbearable because it makes my world tumble over and causes greater migraines.

Great.

*sigh*

I want a Strawberry Yohgurt chocolate chunks in Chips Ahoy's Chunky cookies. Or just strawberry flavored chocolate chip cookies. 

hmm..san kaya meron nun?

I gotta go do something my vertigo won't go away.

I should be doing thesis, but I just wanted to blog. I'm tired of lines and curves and that black screen. I've had 2 cups of coffee, one freshly brewed and the other a cappuccino. I can now say that I am immune to caffeine. and I think I'm starting to get immune to nicotine too. What's worse is that I'm immune to its lethal combination. 

I am now looking for other ways to stay awake during the day. Yes, I can't stay awake during the day. I try but my eyes are like always half open. That nocturnal insomniac narcoleptic disease that arki students have is getting worse.

I don't know if this post is making any sense, or if I'm spelling words right because I can't keep my eyes open.

I have always said that music tames me. I am a beast that needs to be tamed. I think.. I think that music relaxes me too much. I don't panic as much when I listen to music, I just don't panic period. I can't feel the pressure to do anything anymore. 

I used to wake up to the sound of Beethoven's Symphony no. 7 in A major Op. 92 or  Mozart's Oboe Concerto in C Major K.314. Those two always perks me up... but right now, if I ever hear those two, I just wanna lie down and lsiten to it.

Maybe I should listen to Kpop. A little Big Bang, Super Junior add some GEE, 2ne1 or Wondergirls. LOL

Wonder if that would work.

Speaking of music, I saw Gabe Bondoc's cover of Love Story by Taylor Swift. Of course Gabe Bondoc sang it from Romeo's point of view. I love it when he does that. He did that too with Rihanna's Take a Bow. I also loved the "A Whole New World" duet, I couldn't stop singing to it. Made me listen to a bunch of other Disney songs.

So I started playing random songs from his page and then I saw the "Twitter Song" written by him. and I couldn't stop smiling at it. His lyrics sounded something like what I wrote a few posts back. 

So that's who I'm listening to right now. Gabe Bondoc. damn whoever introduced Gabe Bondoc to me. (Yeah you!) I just love his voice, whether his singing or not, it's just dreamy. hahaha

Anyway... I better get back to that thing I should be doing, whatever that is. pft! peace!

Remember I mentioned twitter here, seriously, I only joined it to see celebrities "tweeting". I am amazed how they write the silliest, mundane things, but goes to show, that they can be normal too. It was/is kinda refreshing.

So among my twitter followers, the only one I do know is Paul and maybe Eastwood Mall. LOL 

SO that's 2 people errr...tweeters or whatever. So how did my followers reach 30??? Who the heck are these people? Not that I'm complaining, but I don't even update! Super weird. Is it because you can google my name? but either way, there's no way you'd know or even want to google my name. that's just...odd.

speaking on updates I do have a lot, but I don't tweet them.

on thesis:

My adviser asked me to combine my school and concert hall into one single monoblock building. one word: eeww. I'm only gonna say this once: What's the point of making a thesis that's easy? normal? conventional?

Darn, everybody's forbidding me to go crazy. No more weird shaped building, odd elevation, impossible perpective. Hello Major plate! 

Maybe not. I'll find a way to please my adviser and my ot-ness.

on other things:

• I have to do a hotel for my sister's "Layout" class. Whatever that is. It should be easy considering, it's only 3 storeys high, spattered with gardens...

*sigh* I love it!

I love green! Augh! I love landscaping. not that I'm good at it, I just love gardens! Is it weird? If ever, I would like to specialize in designing theaters, symphony halls and do landscape design. Again, I'm not really that good, but that's what I really wanna do.

• My grandmother's asking me to design a gate. Yup, a gate, fence or whatever you wanna call it. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, but i'm thinking that if I pull this off, I might venture into industrial design and design other stuff, like furniture? 

• I just finished doing this church/pastor's house for my dad. It wasn't really that hard, since all I had to do was plot 7 buildings, 2 storeys max. and then put lights and outlets in.

I thought I was gonna have trouble with the c.o.'s I hate auxiliary layouts. It's confusing! But I did it and guess where I had trouble? putting the damn lights! How was I suppose to know what 1x40W look like? Anyway, I did it and I'm freaking exhausted.

• I've been thinking about this and I've made a decision. I have a goal, one I really wanna do, but not sure if I will be able to make it.

My grandfather really wanted me to become a writer rather than an architect. I really really wanna be a writer, but since I chose architecture, I better stick to it. Either way, I can still write whenever I want to. 

I was looking at my grandpa and I was thinking that before his time comes, I wanna publish something. I just want him to think and know that someone did follow in his footsteps. That the writer in our blood didn't end with my uncle (who passed away).

The thing is, I don't want him to be disappointed since I suck at writing and didn't get real training or something. But I don't want him to think that nobody inherited his knack for writing. 

*sigh* I really wanna write, but just like this. If I'm gonna publish something then I need to work on my...that. hahaha...I have been writing this epic story, a tragedy (not really, but the tragedy part may be influenced by korean dramas). So I need to work on that because, it's the one I'm most inspired to do.

So yeah...

some update that was. Oh. Ow. I gotta stop. My insides really hurt.

Set to be released sometime in September, is the upcoming novel of Dan Brown, originally known as "The Solomon Key" now entitled "The Lost Symbol"

I'm looking forward to another Robert Langdon novel since it's the best among Dan Brown's work. I haven't had the time to research the contents of the novel thoroughly except for, that it focuses on Freemasonry and duh? the Lost Symbol, which is the Hebrew Key of Solomon.

The Key of Solomon is actually a book,a book of magic attributed to King Solomon, this book supposedly inspired many other works similar to it most of it dated from 16th and 17th century, a Greek prototype from the 15th century still exists.

According to myths, the original text of the Key of Solomon, the one written by King Solomon himself, was given to his son and had him hide it in his sepulchre upon his death. It wasn't found until some Babylonians, fixing King Solomon's tomb found it and were unable to decipher it's contents. Except for one of them. He placed a spell on the book saying that the unworthy and the unwise or those who do not fear in God would not benefit from the contents of the book.

The Key of Solomon contains conjurations, invocations and curses to summon and constrain spirits of the dead an demons. The other half contains purifications or excorcisms. All that must be done, preperations, detailed materials, set of magical symbols, appropriate astrological time...are explained in the book.

So... what has it got to do with the freemasons? I have absolutely no idea. *sigh* I guess I just have to wait till thesis is over. perfect timing!

source: wikipedia, where else?

*edit

As it turns out, a parchment from the orginal Key of Solomon was found and deciphered and secrets revealed were quite...shocking? The pattern seen on it matches the Freemason first degree tracing board, the Vatican City layout plan, Washington DC layout plan and the fundamental secret of the beginning of all the great pyramid civilizations. 

Now I see the connection. pft.

5 years of research squeezed into Robert Langdon's 12 hour time frame. can't wait!

I just heard this song again, and it just reminded me of him. So sorry Secondhand Serenade, for making this song into my evil song. peace!

Oh, I didn't finish the entire song because it was too much effort for an asshole.

Stranger revised by me. (I was making up the lyrics while listening to it so...pardon the foolishness. :P)

Turn around
Turn around and fix your eye in that direction
So there is no connection
Please don't speak
Please don't make a sound to capture my attention
I hate your imperfections! (I know lame)
Take a look at me so you can see
How annoying you truly are!

Yes, you're a stranger
the cause of all my anger
and all these thoughts are leaving with you tonight
You're broke and abandoned
I'm not an angel
I won't make your dreams come true tonight...

So, that's as far as I got... I realized I was making too much effort for this a--hole. augh.

*edit: first post was @10:25pm of July 18

So, I don't know how, but as it turns out, I'm following @NewMoonResource on Twitter.Weird. I was suddenly reading tweets from it so I guessed I did follow it. whatever. anyway, I can now honestly say that I'm actually lookig forward to New Moon.

Taylor Lautner still has a great part in that but Rotten Tomatoes got a sneak peek on the set of New Moon in Vancouver (okay..I'm totally sounding like a Twilight addict.huwat!?) and I think they're shooting the Volturi/Volterra scenes there. 

They were saying something like how Dakota Fanning all got their attention "...dressed in a soft, vintage-style white dress, a dark velvet cape, and Mary Janes. Her blonde hair swept into a bun, with pale skin and scarlet lips and dark eye makeup, she had the look of a textbook Little Red Riding Hood — albeit one with blood-red eyes and a steely eeriness about her...." and  "...and her ability to convey unadulterated malice."

So Dakota Fanning adds to my must-see list in New Moon. Gah! Why can't they describe Michael Sheen's character, Aro?? I wanna see or hear what he's  like in the movie. 

I wonder what that's like? Michael Sheen: from werewolf to vampire. hmm?

for the full article on the Set Visit of Rotten Tomatoes, it's here.

*read that last part, I certainly wanna see that and may be one of the few that will be enjoying it! sorry Rob fans.

So yeah... more reason to look forward to New Moon. God I hope I don't get disappointed with all these expectations.

I really REALLY hate the rain. It's a fact and even I can't get over it. I hate the smell and the colors. I do love it dark, but I'd rather be in the dark, seeing nothing than looking at a dull world. Black is more vibrant than grey, at least for me.

Anyway, that's not really my point.

The rain's directed towards my room. So, I'm technically suffocating because all my windows are closed, can't open the fan because it's freakin cold. But there is something that I do like about this right now.

I love the way the rain hits the glass panes of the window. As in really hits it hard, so hard it covers your entire window, and you can see it flowing down like looking beneath a soft waterfall. It makes looking outside not...that bad. It's like everything else outside is moving(and it's not because of the wind). It gives the dull world a little twist, so to speak.