so how do i start this..? hmmm... perhaps i can go back to late January to early December.... it was when my Lolo, father side, suffered a heart attack and my brother's attitude gone berserk. it was crazy... looking back at my past blog posts, it seemed all good. coz i didn't talk much about these things.... so there, my lolo suffered a heart attack. while my lolo stayed in the ICU. the doctor said we were very much fortunate that my lolo made it to the hospital. he told us about the numbers... like only 50% make it to the hospital alive... and like 25% make it out.... it's really slim.... and of all people, my lolo who drinks occasionally and smokes (he even got to smoke 2 sticks while getting the attack) made it out.... i mean, he was really really weak then... he wasn't able to walk for a while... and now, he's out and like my dad says, like given a 2nd life.

While in the hospital, his younger brother, lolo joel, always visited him. they were 4 in the family... my lolo, a lola who died even before i can remember. lolo joel and lolo elmore who's been in LA ever since i can remember... upon his visits, he would feel really bad about not being able to help my lolo who was really really ill that time and they would both cry.... then lolo joel stopped visiting coz he too felt chest pains... nevertheless, he went under medication afterwards....

come Christmas, it was a pleasant surprise that my other problematic cousin (also father side), Karl came home for the holidays. It was perfect man. this is the guy who me and my brother went biking with from our house all the way to ANTIPOLO. imagine that! and those old family reunions, we'd play for the people with me on the guitars, huey on the bass and him on the bonggos. acoustic shit but it's really nice. well... he's more closer to my brother i'd say... and sadly they both fucked up and all... but at least they seem to be good as of the moment. sadly he had to leave the country. and if not for my dad, he won't be able to come back home for the holidays. man, i haven't seen this dude in YEARS.... and to think, we go waaaay back. it's crazy. the last time i saw him he was just as tall as my bro. and now, he's even taller than me. plus he really matured over the years. he told me he can play ball already. well... we'll see tomorrow.

anyway, so it was all good. like a dream Christmas already...  December 30, we had a reunion with my Father side's mother side. it was pretty nice that despite the close brushes of my lolo and my loloa's brother... the family remained in tact. my brother and my cuz went to Lolo joel's house (cuz it was near there) coz my cuz wanted to see lolo joel... when they got there, lolo joel hugged them, they ate together and watched boxing and all... when my cuz and brother got back, my lola told em something like "sayang bat kayo umalis? di tuloy kayo nakakuha ng pamasko" and my cuz said that at least he saw lolo joel (his fave lolo) and he even got to hug him and spend time with him.....

Come December 31.... at about 6 am... Lolo joel suffered a heart attack... he was revived 3 times in the hospital... but it went on to his brain already and so he expired.... until now, we are not able to tell it to my lolo coz he might get depressed and as i've said, that not good for someone who just so recently came back from a heart attack and a major surgery. he said it himself that he didn't want to go to the hospital coz "baka di nya kayanin".... but lolo joel isn't in the hospital anymore.... the feeling is blank..... and it's so sad.

yeah, sometimes... life trips.... how ironic is it than lolo joel, who is like my lolo on my mother side a "macho" lolo... who lives without vices didn't make it... while my lolo made it out.... how ironic is it that..... his two.... well.. i really don't like to use the word worst.... but you get the idea anyway were the last people he spent time with....... i knew it tommorow... and it just won't sink in..... i woke up this morining thinking it was a dream.... that lolo joel is dead..... but it wasn't... man I HATE THIS FEELING.

My family went to his wake a while ago.... it was a sad reunion... Lolo Joel and my lolo were really really close... i mean... my lolo was my lolo joel's kuya like me to my bro and cousins.... Lolo Joel's son uncle Lawrence and My dad were really close too. they are even closer than me and my cuz.... they were like "Binary oppositions" Uncle Lawrence went to La Salle.... his daughter went to La Salle as well... (he only had 2 children, ones Friday and ones special...) My dad went to Ateneo and Me henry and Huey went to ateneo (till huey got himself dumped)..... they were all there... they looked good.. but you'd know, how they really felt...

This was also the "soccer" side of the family... Friday (yea, same weird name) the cuz of my dad was like the first PRO SOCCER player in pinoy Europe... pretty deep shit... it's a really nice family... it's just that i'm only close to my lolo's brothers; Lolo joel's, and Lolo elmore's families....

Looking at old photographs.... man....  now i know where i came from. i can still remember asking my parents if i was adopted or something.... it's because i don't look like em and anyone from my family save herny... well, me and my dad have a faint resemblance... but you really won't notice it. it's like this. My sis looks like my mom. My Bro looks like my Dad. and Henry looks like me. family portraits really shows how we look adopted. And old pics say A LOT....

I do resemble my lolos.... ever since, i wondered my my nose weren't flat or fat like my parents.... and i saw that my lolo's family was mestizo... well. yeah, most of you might not know this but i do have foreign blood. their mom was american... same reason lolo elmore is in America. My complexion was weird... my dad was dark. my mom was fair... but Chinese fair... and mine was weird.. iono... and i kinda resemble lolo joel's fair skin. my lolo was dark. i can now see the connections.... Oh my eyes... Or should i say my eye. My lolo always had beautiful eyes... I mean natural bluish grey... and lolo joel had the nice brown eyes... well, i often check my eye in the mirror if you know what i mean. and i can notice the faintest difference  between my artificial eye and real eye. my real eye was more "naturally" brown that my other.... DUH. well, i got some of the chi in me from my mother side lolo... maybe helped my nose too. hehe.

Lolo joel was REALLY REALLY good looking.... man if he was young, i wouldn't compare to him. he's tall. he has nice eyes... nice nose... and. BLONDE hair... i always remembered him as my blonde lolo.... till his hair turned white.... my lolo's all white too. but he was never a blonde.. it's really like gold.. he's pretty much mestizo like my lolo from my mother's side. as i've said. their pretty much the same. they were both the Macho.. the tallest. (i wish i had that) and as far as their connection may be, they are also good friends... as they both like sabong. my lolo is crazy. he keeps and breeds countless roosters. but lolo joel is to the next level! i mean more than a thousand IMPORTED roosters that only the elite can get. and now i wonder what will happen to all of those... (side note, thats why my cuz and lolo joel got along...sabong) i never liked sabong... but it seems like a pretty expensive game for high rollers.. would you get surprised if your lolo bring brand new cars won from derbys? how much do they wager on their bets..? man.. i dont wanna know.. must be a fortune for some already.

oh well.. i guess I've spaced out too much already....... it's just that... I ALREADY MISS HIM. I REALLY REALLY ENVY MY CUZ AND BROTHER FOR SPENDING TIME WITH HIM THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED....... IF ONLY I SAW THOSE PICS EARLIER... THEN MAYBE I WAS ABLE TO TELL HIM HOW PROUD I WAS TO DISCOVER THAT MY GENES CAME FROM THEM. THAT I GOT A GOOD SLICE OF THEIR BLOOD. THAT I AM A VILLANUEVA.

i really wish this was a dream... i wanna wake up already. but just in case it's not... just in case i still wake up tomorrow  with you no longer with us.... i just want you to know... i hope you are reading this.... just so you know lolo joel........

I AM REALLY REALLY PROUD OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY..... i am proud of sharing this bloodline with you. i look up to you. and i will keep you in my heart till the day we can see each other again...

so.... i'll just put it plain and simple. but from the bottom of my heart....

Goodbye lolo joel.... I will miss you a lot.. rest in peace. 

NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

As we leave 2007, Let's all LIVE 2008 to the fullest!!!:) CHEERS!:)

CHRISTMAS

GUYS!!!!!:)

"If you want to get the truth, then today you need to come right out and ask for it."

well, i say.... OHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!! shiver shiver shiver shiver!!!! 

Friend 2: Eh kelan ba naging matino si Bob?!?!

Tawanan....

Me: haha...... (natahimik eh....)

ngiti nalang boy, ngiti nalang. . .

bahala na. 

I'm officially LOSIN' IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@_@ 

well, i'm writing coz of this weird feeling or mood i'm in... i'm finally off to listening to VIP... haha.  well, i poped my senti playlist and it pretzeled my mind again. as in twisted!

haha.. iono, the initial feeling was, i kinda miss the good ol days with my barkada... i mean, the inuman + heart to heart talks... this came to me when i skipped through a few songs and as songs continuously played, i remembered how we would react like "awww" shit damn sakit yan pare! parang ganun ba....

 iono, i guess i'm really confuzzled at the moment... haha. it's like i wanna drink to a problem and share with my friends... it's really messed up. maybe it's because i've been too happy and happy go lucky lately.... it's like i'm always on top or sumthin... iono....

and the recent inumans were not as good as the old ones... iono... puro basagan na lang ba? hahaha..

i won't say i'm already heartless or sumthin right now... i dont know... theres just sumthing missing.

this is not an excuse to drink. like damn i can drink anytime i want... but i can't drink the way i want to drink anymore. yeah maybe thats it. hahaha.

 whacked! it's really confusing! haha!

heres the moment i want right now, my room with only my night light on. ung orange... parang starbucks ung dating. the drumset out. and me and my friends passing shots of... EMPERADOR. not grandma, not generoso. but the old school. the GENESIS. EMPERADOR.  the great music of those lost good ol days is in the air... and the words from the heart, through the mind and to each other are bein passed on along with the shots... MAN! i miss this!

haaay.... it's not that gusto ko mabusted... may streak kaya ako! neverrr!!! haha! pero ewan.... i'm looking for a hearache? heartbreak??? just to find out that my heart is still beating. 

We'd say this is the super version of our song! we've also changed our name to VERBA COMA!!!! goodbye Higgledy Piggledy and HP!!! here comes the bad boys!!!

Here's a song about promising to quit smoking but eventually failing to keep that promise!!! enjoy!!!

VerbaComa - Voicebox In Peril 

Though your words compell you, it's something you could never do
Savor the air
Lost in the tranquil Feeling of breathing it just for a while
before begging for air

Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming
I'd Take it back today
Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming

All the right answers only meant to satisfy
And to clear the air
Wayward Intentions lies to sooth and pacify
theres a sound in the air

Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming
I'd Take it back today
Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming

Sing your rhyme,
Proclaim your crime
Screaming, End it all in time
Sing your rhyme
Proclaim your crime
Screaming End it all in time
End it all!

Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming
I'd Take it back today
Screaming Screaming
What i had to say
Screaming Screaming!!!!!!