http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/ the silence of my screams this is the sounding board for my silent screams.... en Tue, 30 Oct 2007 20:58:17 +0000 when running seems to be an old thing already here i am again and it about five in the morning.. i haven't slept in its real essence. why am i still awake? my head is still working in a way that i cannot really sleep.

i am really tired..and i don't want anyone to find out. but running seems to be a thing of the past...

i am now at this point where i know i have to face things, even if they may be too painful for me...or too risky..

Lord, what do You want me to do now???

please answer me..
]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/1492678.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/1492678.html Tue, 30 Oct 2007 20:58:17 +0000 i'm back i believe it would really be a miracle if someone finds out that i'm back in my old blog.. i'll hide here for now..

i am not doing well these days..and the struggle to go beyond my emotions and my logic has been harder..

i wish things could be just like before..i wish people would come back.. but things have already changed..and no matter how hard i try to bring things back, or the people back..i am not God..

sadness...the reality of falling part..and going on separate ways..

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/1477973.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/1477973.html Tue, 18 Sep 2007 14:34:45 +0000 BAGONG B_L_O_G_S_I_T_E http://blesscille.blogdrive.com

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/596009.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/596009.html Wed, 01 Dec 2004 13:35:57 +0000 interpretative chuva. di talaga ako magaling sumayaw pero kung sasayaw man ako, hip-hop, yung ma-groove na mga sayaw. pag interpretative na, iba nang usapan yon.

cantata kasi ng choir sa dec 12 at may isang kanta na isasayaw na lang ng selected choir members. aba, nakasama ko sa mga napili. kala ko madali, pero hindi.

unang practice namin last tuesday night. syempre, entrance pa lang ilang na ilang na ko. ang stiff ko tuloy tignan. basta iba kasi, dapat graceful. hello?! yung ang bagay na wala ako. natatawa na nga sila kasi sobrang awkward ko tignan. para raw hirap na hirap ako.

huhu..syempre, di pedeng ganun! kung kaya nila kaya ko rin.

kaya yon, nagseryoso ako sa practice. sabi ko kay Lord, \"Lord penge pong grace. grace sa pagsayaw..please...\"

pakiramdam ko nga trying hard ako, pero gusto ni lord na magsayaw ako ng ganung style, sasayaw ako!

nagpractice uli kami kagabi. syempre may mga steps na di ganun kaganda yung pagkakasayaw ko, pero lam ko...kaya yan.

yan ang frustration ko ngayon, maging maayos na interpretative dancer. hay Lord...hirap pero para Sa\'yo ka-careerin ko..

nothing is impossible with God.

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/589208.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/589208.html Sat, 27 Nov 2004 05:41:28 +0000 lungkot mode hehe..wala lang..magdadrama lang ako..may mga bagay kasi na nagpapalungkot sakin ngayon..

una:

nakakalungkot na minsan may nasasabi ang isang tao sa\'yo na sana di na lang niya sinabi kasi una sa lahat, ang pangit ng dating (foul kung baga) at pangalawa di ko kasi inasahan na sa kanya pa mangagaling. aam ko malabo pero basta ganyan.

pangalawa:

nakakalungkot ma-discover na yung akalang mong magandang friendship na naggo-grow ay naka-box sa isang mababaw na bagay. nakakalungkot kasi nagkaroon ng silent agreement na hanggang certain point lang yung pwedeng pag-usapan at malalaman mo yon matapos ang isang sem, isang sembreak at 5 days na pasukan. wala lang,para lang deceived yung pakiramdam.

pangatlo:

nalulungkot ako kasi feeling ko walang mangyayari sa birthday ko. wednesday kasi yon at wala talagang pasok, so malamang walang happening na mangyayari...e gs2 ko may happenning na mangyayari..paano kaya yon? excited pa naman ako kasi 1st bday ko dito sa UPD...parang mababaw pero basta, nalulungkot ako.

pang-apat:

nalulungkot ako kasi may pinapalet go na ministry si Lord. nalulungkot ako for selfish reasons, yung mga bagay na mamimiss ko, mga events..alam ko mali, but I can\'t help myself...nakakalungkot talaga..

panlima (huli na)

nakakalungkot kasi hanggang ngayon sutil pa rin ako sa mga obviou na bagay na nilalahad sakin ni Lord. sobrang dami nang confirmations, but then again...sutil ako at ayoko tanggapin. sabi nga nung kausap ko kanina..\"wala ka naman pala dapat alalahanin eh\", pinakamalupit sa lahat sabi pa niya \"GO!\"...jowkie di mo lam sinasabi mo..pero i thank God for using kuya jowkie..


yun lang. sori...drama mode ako eh...hay Lord...paano po ba?

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/571428.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/571428.html Tue, 16 Nov 2004 13:16:49 +0000 whoah! God has answered my prayers. But it was after all the craziness that i realized that He did.

after I freaked out. after I was not able to grasp reality. after I tossed and turned. after all the akwardness. after the screaming and the shouting. after everything...

now I ralized that He answered my prayers. but I was not ready for His answers. I thought I was, but I wasn\'t.

I really don\'t know His plans...I don\'t know anything.

but if I trust God, whatever I have now doesn\'t matter.

things are beyond my control.

the truth is, things should not be my control.

Lord talaga, lupit ng humor eh.

ladies and gentlemen, the rollercoaster ride for this sem has begun.

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/565327.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/565327.html Sat, 13 Nov 2004 01:17:51 +0000 song of the moment ito yung lyrics ng kanta na nagmi-minister sakin ngayon...original song siya ng HIGHBEAM...entitled PRODIGAL...


I DON\'T KNOW WHERE TO GO
BUT YOU ARE THERE TO LEAD THE WAY
AND I CAN\'T SEE TOO FAR AHEAD
GO BEFORE ME, HOLD MY HAND...


whom shall i fear? what shall i fear?

God is sovereign...He is in-control..

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/559552.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/559552.html Tue, 09 Nov 2004 14:36:20 +0000 waaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


wala lang. grabe lang ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko.

i praise God for everything.

i praise God for the unending grace

i praise God for every moment.

un lang.

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/556065.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/556065.html Sun, 07 Nov 2004 12:43:28 +0000 ako'y nagbabalik!!!! hayee!! grabe ang bilis november na kagad, maya-maya december na at syempre anong meron pag december...malamang! birthday ko na!!!

anyway, musta na ba ako? napakameaningful ng sembreak k. kahit na halos lahat ata ng plano ko eh di natuloy, ginwan naman ako ng mas maganda at mas masayang sembreak ni Lord.

ngayon lang ako naka-experience na habang ngaliligpit ng plato at nakikinig ng praise and worship songs sa walkman eh umiiyak. isa pa. habang pinapakinggan ko ung tape namin para sa christmas cantata, naiyak din ako.

hindi dahil sa nahuhurt ako sa mga kanta.

naiyak ako dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ni Lord di lang para sakin pero para sa lahat. naiyak ako kasi maraming tao ang hindi nararanasan at ang nararanasan ko, higit sa lahat sobrang dami pang tao ang di alam ang puso ni Lord para sa kanila.

kung alam lang nating lahat: grabe yung grace Niya, grabe yung love Niya, grabe yung kaya Niyang ibigay kung willing lang tayo i-seek Siya ng buong puso. kayang-kaya Niya tayong baguhin, kayang-kaya Niya tayong mahalin na wala na tayong hahanapin, kaya Niya lahat..at gagawin niya ang lahat para sa atin..

kung di ka naman maiyak sa mga bagay na yan..ewan ko na lang.

hay...see you next sem!

lord, paano Niyo po kaya isusulat ang buhay ko next sem??

exciting to!!!

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/547073.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/547073.html Tue, 02 Nov 2004 06:35:15 +0000 future? Deuteronomy 29:29

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I am trusting my all-knowing God for the unknown future.

]]> http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/536007.html http://tabulas.com/~blesscille/536007.html Tue, 26 Oct 2004 06:45:41 +0000