Anyway, not totally unrelated to that, but somewhat on a different note, I get back to the 11,005 liters of Four Seasons.  I was beginning to get sick of it.  When it came, I did not know water.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, Four Seasons.  I brushed my teeth with the liquid.  Until my drinking persona awoke within me and gave me divine intervention.  It's amazing how the lack of money to go for videoke can inspire such thoughts.

The idea wasn't really inspiring.  Not even unique.  But for two days of talking to random people if they purchased from ^%$#@ TV or saying they're credit card's expired, Four Seasons rung like magic. Four Seasons with alcohol.  The name for that is Distraction.

If you had been acquainted with me personally, or through my writings, what you are about to read will make you think I am contradicting myself.  And take note, I am not happy to be contradicting myself. 

I need a shrink.  I hate analyzing myself.  And I hate the word Analyze.  Thank Sudarshan Khadka, Jr. for that.

Who was I to pity?  Who was I to feel lucky?  I had enough resources to support me, to cover my screw-ups and start over.  I was merely passing the time away.  So was everyone.  I was in a tunnel with the rest of the lost boys.  And all this time I thought I wasn't.  I'd think, at least I could move on.  I'd be burning with passion any day now, just you wait.  Then reality gave me this out-of-body experience.  I was one with the stars, looking at myself, with the rest of them.  Not as people drowning in the crowds of people.  But as frustrated youths.  So this was how it felt?

I am a passionate being.  A fighter for love.  If only I could fight for everyone.  And the 11,005 liters of Four Seasons took its toll on me and squeezed my chest.  I realized it was indeed coincidence.  The world did not revolve around me.  Fuck Paulo Coehlo and the universe.  I did not want to die, but who fucking cared?  They were just as lost as I was.

Yet, if I were to end this train of thought with this kind of mood, wouldn't you think there was no future for me?

Then maybe it is better to move on with a lie.  Before you and I condemn me as a loser, I'd just like to scream to the world that I own.  And the name for that is Empowerment.

I was just waiting for time to pass by.  And I wasn't expecting anything special.  Even the British accent forced unto us at work was nothing new.  I used to play with my sisters in British accent.  How hard could this be?  The schedule was for a graveyard shift.  But I went through my college years, as an architecture student no less, without coffee.  Having an erratic schedule in work was not a challenge. 

I could not write about anything else.  Except perhaps about my tea with one architect, Alex Medalla, courtesy of Chris.  As of now I cannot articulate about our encounter.  All I can manage at the moment is tell you that it was the first time I had heard an opinion like that about Filipino architecture in my very short time "living with it".  I shall relate the details of that another time because my head is still ringing from the beer I drank a few hours ago.

Yes, I had been living in Cebu for two months now, without the lack of drinking.  Somehow drinking was as natural as riding the bike.  No matter who the company was. 

As my co-workers said, I was a "call center virgin".  It was a state of being unacquainted with the industry, no matter what I heard from others.  Experience, as the cliche went, is the best teacher.  It was somehow surprising that after a few days, you hit off with these people you'd never known before.  And you'd feel like you were inseparable.  Tight.  BFF. 

It was a play of highly complicated acts.  A tango by social animals of notorious skills.  Let the game begin.

Continuing on with my Vampire fixation as of late, I recalled my sister talking about this series of books that had an interesting take about the vampire world.  So I asked that she express-mail it right away before I get bored and kill myself.  My sister called me straight away.

Sister: "Are you sure about this?"

bb: "what's that supposed to mean?"

Sister: "I mean, do you know what the books are about?"

bb: "er, vampires? and coolness?"

Sister: "Yeah it's sorta cool, but maybe you wouldn't like it, and it takes money to send them to you."

bb: "Yeah whatever.  Send it."

See, right at the last line shows me resigning to care.  Remembering this actually helped me go through all three books in three days.  And they're about 400++ pages each.  This was not an easy task to accomplish, as you will soon find out.

Before saying anything close to a review, I'd really want to share with you J.R. Ward's very interesting concept that she has built for this series: the vampire world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood.

The Black Dagger Brotherhood is a group of elite male vampires that serve to protect their race.  Vampires do not threaten humanity as it is in other literatures.  It is them who are hunted by entities called lessers.  Lessers are humans who sold their souls to become immortal and gain abilities for the sole purpose of eliminating vampires.  Still, the fact remains that vampires are far more superior to humans, even lessers.  Some are born with abilities such as seeing the future, spontaneous combustion (although not the kind where they die), ESP, etc. etc. etc.  All vampires have more strength than humans: a male "civilian" vampire may put up a decent fight against one lesser.  You can imagine what the elite male vampires, specifically those of the brotherhood, could do to some five lessers in battle. 

Having such an important task, the brotherhood is a super-sekrit organization.  Members are handpicked, and usually an impressive lineage would help with being one.  Because being a brother means being bred as one, raised as one, and trained as one.  These vampires are so elite that because of their genes, they have become a sub-species of their own.  And as the author would like to add, they're all oozing with sex appeal.

Interestingly, the vampires don't drink human blood.  Well, they do, but they don't prefer it.  To drink human blood would be the lowest of the low, since human blood is weak.  Sort of like eating sub-standard, pre-packed, processed chicken over steaming hot, juicy, freshly roasted whole chicken.  Vampires feed off each other, and can feed only on the opposite sex.  Not in a cannibalistic way.  This is where all the interesting concepts come in.  In a very kinky way.

To make the game fair between humans and vampires, the vampire race does have its weaknesses.  They may be superior in the looks department, and kick-ass in motorskills, and other special powers but they have very high mortality rates.  First, vampires don't multiply with a simple bite-a-human stunt.  Vampires should be born from at least one vampire parent.  Next, young vampires take the form of extremely weak, sexually unaware humans until their mid-twenties, where they undergo transition to become full-fledged, bloodsucking bad-asses.  But during their transition period which lasts for days, they are subjected to extreme pain as their bodies change.  Men become more muscular and grow taller by a few feet, as do the females.  Because of this transition, most don't survive the pain and die.  Add the fact that adult females can only become fertile every ten years, and their fertility period can last only about two days.  Kinky note: these two days make the female OVERLY HORNY and she must bite the male every single time they do the twist.  All males in the vicinity respond aggressively to the female's scent, but the lucky male ends up entirely shriveled down below after an average of 16 "performances" straight, and weakens due to the amount of blood lost.  Talk about girl power! If statistics say that it is often males that don't survive the transition, nature balances it off because most females cannot survive the pregnancy.  In fact, pregnancy is not popular as a bringer of life in the vampire world but the bringer of death. 

As I'm spewing all these stuff, you may be noticing the mood of the books by now.  Especially when I move on to describing their mating behaviors...

On second thought, I shall move on to the review, since 80% of the series will handle talking about these mating behaviors.  Oh, sorry, did I forget to mention these were erotic romance novels?  Haha.  Gotcha.  In popular Filipino terms: these are Bobo Books! No-brainers!  Virtue required: Patience.  Or if you don't have that, you can always go for speed reading, which I opted for in the end.

I'll tell you something you don't hear me say very often.  I'm actually a very patient person.  In this case, I just had to skip a few pages altogether when it would start talking about the lessers.  Seriously, who's interested reading about soul-less humans (therefore incapable of emotion, therefore no character development whatsoever, so what's the point)?  The stories have 10% plot, and 120% vampire sex.  And if we're all adults here, sex can also be in fast-forward mode, right?  Thus, reading a book of this series would only take about 10 hours. 

What came to mind after reading the first two chapters was UNFORGIVABLE writing style.  I had so many complaints.  Out-of-character-ness, annoying language, tasteless descriptions that gave the feeling like the writer was grown from fanfiction.net.  I can't even enumerate all the reasons that made me gag so much while reading the books.

And yet!  And yet, I read through three books.  Amazing.  It's just that, well, after that, I really couldn't go further.  Originality can only take you so far.  You cannot overlook the lack of technique in delivering this could-have-been-masterpiece-but-PHAILED-miserably piece. I could take this concept and the characters with their base personalities (as they tend to change personality in a turn of the page ) and make a fanf*ckingtastic movie or graphic novel.  That's an overstatement.  A good high-school editor could make a better piece using these elements.  (Yeah I'm better than a good high-school editor, thanks)

As this started with a conversation with my sister, I also end it with one.

bb (after reading the third book): "You have all of the six books of this series?"

Sister: "er.. yeah."

bb: "What's up with that reaction?"

Sister: "Well, you know what's up."

bb: "Yeah. What the hell."

...

bb: "So why do you have all six?"

Sister: "I didn't enjoy after the third book though."

...

Sister: "So should I send the rest of the books to you?"

...

bb: "No."

Title: Dark Lover, Lover Eternal, Lover Awakened (Books 1, 2, and 3 of the Black Dagger Brotherhood series respectively)

Author: J.R. Ward (Female. go figure.)

Official Site: http://www.jrward.com/

Rating: The fact that I think about rewriting the scenes in my head to make the story kick-ass accounts that the books have an ability to grab on to its readers (even in a bad way).  Plus the original world it created, I give it a:

To This:

Who's the rock star?  I am the rock star! *out to kill*

I am following three other vampire stories, and because they're all good, I really want to share them with you.

KARIN: Chibi Vampire

Demographic: Shounen
Author: Yuna Kagesaki
Vintage: 2003
Rating:

By the first chapter you might set this aside as one of those typical shoujo (girl) comics about a high school vampire girl.  After reading the second chapter, you're hooked.  The reason is because this is not in any way typical.  Karin, the high school vampire girl, is actually a very likeable character as she strives to be somewhat ordinary.  This is not just because she wants to, but because she has no choice.  She feels she must belong with the humans because as a vampire, she is abnormal.

In this story, vampires do not drink blood of any random human.  There are certain conditions that have to be met in order for them to feed.  There is a certain human attribute that attracts a vampire and that vampire will seek that kind of human his/her entire life.  For example, Karin's mother seeks the blood of females who are excessive liars.  Her brother is attracted to the blood of stressed women.  In the vampire world, puberty is when the vampire starts to finally crave for that specific blood, and feeding should be at least once a month.  And biting a human for the first time could actually be as special as your first sex.

Karin is a good daughter.  She hides her true identity in school perfectly.  She does good enough in her class so that the teacher need not talk to her parents.  Still, to Karin's family, she is a disgrace.  She reached her puberty as a vampire like any other vampires should, except that she did not have the ability to suck blood.  Instead, at least once a month her blood levels would increase and she needs to inject her blood or it would force its way out of every orifice in her body.  At least she is like any vampire that she looks for a specific condition that induces her to "feed".  She needs to inject her blood to someone who is unhappy.

And when a new student transfers to school and meets Karin for the first time, Karin gets a violent nosebleed...

MIDNIGHT SECRETARY

Demographic: Josei/Smut
Author: Ohmi Tomu
Vintage: 2006
Rating:

Kaya is an exceptional secretary.  She starts working in a company where the director is reluctant to let her do her job.  It is rumored that the director is very picky in choosing secretaries, and fires them quite easily.  He also has a reputation of bringing in a lot of women into the office.  Kaya feels she is up for the job and is out to prove that she will not be laid off just because the director feels like it.  She goes as far as scheduling the director's dates with his many women.  Little does she know that what she's making is a schedule of his feeding times...

In this story, a vampire can only feed on the blood of the opposite sex.  When the victim is "excited", vampires claim it is where the blood is sweetest.  When Kaya works overtime one night, out to prove her best, she stumbles upon the director in the middle of his "meal".  Now that she knows his secret, the director cannot let her go.

What makes this story interesting is, surprisingly, the smutty scenes.  I admire the author's work because she is able to portray the passion and excitement in their relationship as boss and subordinate.  The director at first only bites Kaya for fun to scare her from peeping into his business.  But it is safe to say in this review that the director is soon tormented when he realizes that he craves for Kaya's blood more and more.  He cannot tell if it's really her blood, or Kaya herself that he wants.  As for Kaya, she keeps telling herself she is nothing more to the director than his secretary, and his sneak snack in the office.  The author gives you agony by showing them both in denial, and then suddenly she brings them together like lovers who have been apart for decades, both hungry for the other, and ready to devour each other yet restraining themselves for fear of giving themselves away.

This story has great characters, totally believable emotions and consequential actions, despite the fact that it's purely fantasy.  Hot vampire bosses, anyone?

ROSARIO+VAMPIRE

Demographic: Shounen
Author: Akihisa Ikeda
Vintage: 2004
Rating:

Tsukune- Mediocre: Average in sports, average in class, average in popularity.  Turning point in life: when he flunked all high school entrance exams and became slightly less than average.  His parents send him off to a private boarding school which does not require any entrance exams.

Moka- Elite: Very beautiful and athletic, smart, no. 1 most popular girl in campus.  Turning point in life: when she meets Tsukune on her way to class and feels a sudden urge to bite him in the neck and suck his blood. 

What?

Is what Tsukune would say when he hears his teacher explain that everyone in this school is in his or her human form because this is a school where monsters learn to blend into human society.  It is absolutely unnecessary to show off your true monster form, to Tsukune's relief.  Because his true form is a human.  No more, no less. 

Rosario+Vampire gets its title from Moka's rosary that she wears around her neck with a detachable cross.  Only, this cross can be detached by a special "key", which later turns out to be Tsukune.  This rosary keeps Moka in her human form.  When Tsukune detaches the cross, she turns into her true form which is a pureblood vampire.

In this story, vampires are considered elite, and the most powerful of all monsters.  They have the ability to convert "demonic aura" into strength, which gives them a good advantage in battles.  Vampires have blood that have either of the two effects when injected into another being: death or life, depending on compatability.  As Tsukune finds himself in near-death situations from the monsters in school, Moka injects her blood. 

What makes this manga awesome is that it's like the character Tsukune himself, who is at first mediocre and typical.  Then he suddenly becomes COOL.  This happens when he becomes an elite vampire temporarily as Moka's blood courses through his veins.  At this point, the manga also suddenly became COOL.  The art upgraded in an instant from the ordinary manga into one of the finest drawn shounen manga I've seen.  The action scenes just explode out of the panels.  The truth is, if the art stayed as it was in its earliest chapters, with this kind of story, the manga would not have been successful.  But the art strung it together and pulled it off.  Sometimes, you just gotta love something for just being cool.  It's an X-factor.

And that concludes our vampire festival.  Vampires is a fascinating concept in a story, as we can twist them around in our imagination.  These stories have all different takes on vampires.  One of my reasons to read these is probably my own fantasy of being bitten by a vampire.  Somehow they all make it look so sexy.  Slurp.

Because of all the sandwiches there.

Right.  C'mon, laugh with me. 

Well, this is my sandwhich list so far.  First, the Rules of Thumb in Preparing A Sandwich:

1. Always toast the bread.  Toasting makes the bread crispy, firmer, and less likely to fall apart.

2. Cut the ingredients into sizable portions.  I hate it when there's a big chunk of meat and your incisors can't really cut through and you end up pulling the whole thing out of the sandwich.

3. Serve the stuff as warm as possible.  So toast at the last minute.

(Whole wheat bread is more expensive, but it's healthier.

These are rip-offs from my favorite restaurant Oh georg! in Ayala Mall, Cebu.  We actually make a point to go there at least once a week. I prefer the place because they have the best potato salad, and they give you a choice to go white or wheat bread with your sandwich.  Plus, you can read the papers, which is for me, the only chance I get.

But of course, these sandwhiches, when I made them, did not add up to cost 150 PHP each like in the restaurant.  Not even 100, if we subtract the overhead costs, service charges, etc.  My sandwiches are not exact copies, of course.  I made them fit my budget and diet.  These recipes make one BIG serving.  But if you're dieting, they're actually good for two.  Plus a freshly squeezed juice (8-9 PHP) and you're done. 

1: BEEF AND MUSHROOM

As the name suggests, it's just beef, and well, mushrooms.  Sounds elegant, but it's less than 40 PHP to make.

• Beef- you have a choice of either buying the steak cuts and chopping them up (you must be crazy to waste this much money on a sandwhich), ground beef (still expensive, about 45 PHP for 1/4 kilo), or what I use instead: Burger patties.
• Button mushrooms- you can find them pre-sliced and canned at serving sizes.
• Chiz whiz- the best cheese spread evahr!
  
• 1 clove garlic
• Diced onions

>> Saute garlic and onions.  Add beef (season, if you use the steak or ground beef).  Add mushrooms.  Add the cheese (so that it melts).  Slap them on the toasted bread and you're done.

The best part is that you can actually serve this as a side dish and it tastes great!

2: COWBOY SANDWICH

The name probably originated from the Cowboy food that you just basically mixed together.

• 1 big sausage- I used 1 jumbo chicken hotdog.  That's even less than 10 PHP.
• 1/2 can Purefoods chili con carne
• Tomato slices
• Tomato Ketchup and mayo mixture- your call how you proportion these.  Just taste before you assemble the whole sandwich.
• Chiz whiz!

>> Slice the hotdog/sausage into thin crosswise cuts.  You can slice diagonally for more area.  Cook (No need to fry.  Oven toaster will do).  Spread the ketchup and mayo over the bread.  Put the hotdog slices over.  Pour the chili con carne and spread a bit.  Put the tomato slices on top.  Slap on the chiz whiz.  Voila!

3: BABOYSAI'S CHICKEN SANDWICH

This is really a no-brainer. 

• 1 chicken fillet (or half), diced
• Tomato Ketchup
• Cucumber slices
• Tomato slices
• Mayo (Optional)
• Chiz Whiz (MANDATORY! )

>> Season the chicken (Salt, pepper, marjoram, oregano, the works hehe).  Fry them in a few drops of oil until cooked.  No need to wait until they're golden brown.  It's important that the chicken is cooked just right to seal the juice, and that it's tender, and not dry and tough.

>> Spread a super-thin layer of mayo on the bread.  If you love mayo then maybe you can add more.  Put the chicken pieces over it evenly, then the tomato and cucumber slices.  Spread some ketchup, and pour the chiz whiz until it drips!

What's great about sandwiches is that you can stack as many levels until your jaw breaks when you bite, and the stuff just come out on all sides.  You should try this once in a while.  It gets really messy and um, liberating.  You feel like you're pigging out but it's all 90% okay. (Since mayo is cholesterol -_-)

:blank:

Nah forget it.  The truth is, I'm not moping about anything.  My life in the past sure was great.  I don't miss it.  Yet.  This life I'm living right now is still brand-spanking-new, and I'm like a three-year old with a new toy.  I'm exploring every edge and corner.  And I should, before my attention wanes.

So let me tell you about what I've been doing all this time, before your attention wanes.

I have not started work yet.  However, I have met my co-workers and interacted with them for the first time yesterday.  The new environment is again keeping me excited.  And like any other girl, perhaps the new clothes and shoes are something to look forward to.  I'm just worrying that when I dress up, the higher-ups might think they're paying me too much.  Ohohohoho.  

For the first time in my life I have been living on budget, and sticking to it.  For the two weeks I've started it, I have actually learned to say "eew, carbs" or "I'm not hungry, really".  I'm also doing regular exercise, remembering what doctors say.  Weighing in daily is keeping me motivated, and so far I have lost about 6 lbs in a week.  God damn.  

To stay on budget I have been cooking almost everyday now.  And every single time I hold that knife, and put those ingredients together, increases my anticipation about cooking school.  I so want to learn more.  I want it BADLY.  It's like the pabitin that's dangling over my head.  Every single day I wake up and think I'm closer to what I really want, which is totally different from how I lived my life before.  So what do I do to inch closer to that pabitin?

Bring in the heels, shall we?

What I like about this life is that the shopping has not ended.  And I have learned to cherish the words "On Sale".  Those are just music to my ears.  Cebu has one of the greatest designs at jaw-dropping prices.  Shopping takes me to a very comfortable spot in my soul, a place where there's no denying I'm still here, this is still real, I'm still me.   

I would like to explain to Khonz that I totally forgot I was tagged.  Yeah, such is the busy life of a bum.   

Ahem.  So here I go.  

1.  There are 5 books that are in one pile closest to me.  This means... I am confused.  Debating which to pick up, I examine which one is at least a centimeter closer. 

a: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People;
b: Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World;
c: Epic;
d: Reader's Digest;
e: Wuthering Heights

I decide on a, not because it was closest, but because of the following:

This book, I never got past chapter two.  And if I play along with this meme, something universal might just be revealed to me.

2-3.  The fifth sentence goes:

An understanding of the principle of our own growth enables us to search out correct principles with the confidence that the more we learn, the more clearly we can focus the lens through which we see the world.

On that, I had recently been reading this book entitled "How to Speak and Write Better".  The author of book A is making us readers suffer, when he should bear in mind we are not that forgiving.  He should have remembered that he was writing for readers who were ineffective in the first place, people who probably had no patience to read that sentence a hundred times. No wonder I never got past chapter two.  This book sucked.  

4.  The next three sentences go:

The principles don't change; our understanding of them does.

The wisdom and guidance that accompany principle-centered living come from correct maps, from the way things really are, have been, and will be.

Correct maps enable us to clearly see where we want to go and how to get there.

I should remove my bookmark from this book already.

5.  Now I tag five people.  If you are not chosen, it does not mean I don't like you, or that you have no place in my heart.  I will be choosing by the following criteria:

5.1- that you will do this meme without a second thought;
5.2- or that you will have second thoughts but will do this anyway because I SAY SO. 

And so I tag...

Lenibee, Racstar, Banuk, Reggie, Isocetin. 

Reggie, it is actually acceptable that you pass.  It is because I play favorites.  

Show me that game-face, baby.

Just great. 21 years old and I still had breakouts. It's not that I think I'm a superior being but other people were supposed to get those pimples. Just when I was about to go for my final interview. Then I wondered. What did employers think about applicants who had pimples?

I tried out the blouse I'd wear for the interview. When I opened the buttons it was probably the first time in my life I saw myself like that. It was horrible. This was not a grown woman's chest! Between the breasts that were hidden from the view was a vast desert. 21 years old, at 130 lbs., and I had no cleavage. I was no hermaphrodite! I thought at least when I gained weight this could be compensated. It was fine to gain weight as long as my stomach could not match my breasts in horizontal distance from my spinal column. But if my breasts remained like this, and my stomach was ever growing as if it had a fetus inside, this was dangerous. I would no longer count as "hot".

After hearing me, my friends would often say "you'd been complaining for four years, so what's new?" What's new was that while I was sitting and typing this, I could feel the skin of my stomach pressing against my breasts.

Just a few days ago I decided to decline a high-paying call center job for a more "challenging" work with lesser pay. I might sound like a princess complaining about her cellulites, but the truth is, I'm scared shitless. I am about to embark on a new voyage. Consider it a new dimension entirely. It's not like the line from my childhood will continue. It's as if the end point of that line has been lifted to a different axis and allowed to continue in a new direction. Jesus Christ, I'm talking in planes and figures!

My mother told me that the only way to pull through with work was thinking it was my only means of survival. I needed it, and without it, I'd starve. Worse, I couldn't shop. And so I recited it in my head a hundred times: Do or Die. She cut me short.

"Bear in mind that if you screw this up, you'll be pulling your school's name with you."

University of the Philippines- a breeding place for n00bs.

That was the scarier thought. I couldn't do that to UP.

So I was now four hours away from moving out of my parents' house. For good. My parents had officially lifted the chains. In four hours I was to become one of society's... er, problems. I was about to become one with Reality like having sex for the first time with the lights on. When Do or Die sounded too negative, I'd switch to Love and Fight. It was kind of early for me to conclude about life but for now I decided there were only two things that a person had to do to survive: Love and Fight.

Still, my stomach pressing against my breasts was the reality check I needed.

Since I'm here anyway, I'll just do an update of my life, for those who care. I'm now officially hooked to golf. I want to play it everyday, if I can only have someone to play with. Playing it alone is scary. It's a war zone out there. These 7-year old kids nail it better than I do.

Other than that I'm on my butt, doing nothing. It'd have been good if I was writing while sitting on my butt, but I'm doing nothing.  Oh wait, I'm not really doing nothing.  I play the Sims 2.  And just so you have an idea how much time I spend on it, this whole town is now occupied with the children of my first family.  And I play all the houses.

Well if I'm in the mood to write a more decent post without clumsily closing my browser, I'll let you know. That's the least I can do. :bored: