Before I rant about propaganda and the State’s perpetuation of these ideals, let me just articulate a few dislikes based on personal experiences of course.

First, it’s irksome to hear people say ‘I love you’ upon seeing that person for merely a third time. Or worse, second. I mean it on crappy TV shows, as well as in reality. What the hell do they know about ‘love’ anyway? Well they can argue that it is ‘love at first sight’, but take a step back, people. They don’t know love, much less love at first sight. Don’t cheapen the meaning of it. Nor make it into a hilarious comedy.

Building upon this point, I conveniently come to my second. Do not keep saying ‘I love you’ to a person. Hearing it five to eight times per day does not increase the intensity of the alleged love. It is fortunate enough if it does not even start fading away. The notion of love differs for every individual, and consequently expressed in various ways of course. But what do these verbal repetitions of 'I love you' do? I don’t blame secondary school kids or junior colleges’ students if they actually manifest such a behaviour. Afterall, they’re still under the watchful eye of dear Leader via our renowned and seamless education system. They simply eat off whatever is fed to them. Air an idyllic romance serial on TV and a yardstick of what is ‘true love’ embeds itself beautifully into their innocent minds. It is when 20sum year old people whom I've seen replicate this behaviour which immensely turns me off. Even now, upon reflection, I feel like puking.

Now, back to my starting point. The overt emphasis. Yes. Look at what has been aired recently. “I Do I Do” hitting the big screens and that cheesy fairytale at 9pm (thank God its over, if God even exist at all) co-sponsored by MCYS. Yes dear Leader. We should get married and have kids. Three or more if we can afford it. We shouldn’t be too picky. Not every man is like Allan Wu. And ya if you are a female and don’t get married you’ll be labeled ‘auntie’ in the gym. We can settle for the charred bespectacled Jacelyn Tay even if she deviats like planets away from our ideals. Because we must learn to love. It comes with tolerance. No matter how busy we are, family formation is a primary concern. In other words, just settle for less, get married and have kids. That's what we want, thank you. Well done. I wonder how many people bought into it already. I hope there is at least a substantial amount, if not all the money channeled into it will be flushed down the toilet bowl. We're a capitalist society, i.e. money is paramount to success.

Haven’t they realized that by overtly perpetuating these images, they unknowingly created this ideology of what is a “normal” family and "romantic love"? One that depicts happiness, tolerance and all the aforementioned. The mass media has created this idea of romance and love which creates this ideal of what is right, wrong, good or bad. The glorification of love and marriage as well as family becomes a yardstick for couples to measure how deep their love is and how 'normal' their family is. And when it falls short of expectations (which are, as I reiterate, derived from these propaganda), divorce sets in. Or for the unmarried, separations. Break-up. Oh don't get me started on cohabitation. Or homosexuals and other 'rebels'.

This notion of love seriously needs to be re-evaluated. And how we perceive it has undoubtedly been shaped by all that our government (they control the media) has done. I strongly urge those who’re still idealistic about love and romance to wake up and re-examine everything. Do what you deem fit and best for urself, because at the end of the day, the adage 'nobody suffers most from what you do but yourself' is undeniably applicable to all.

Let me sort of explain my disappearance ever since my birthday post. Spanning from late February to the current day, I find myself in front of the computer. With piles of books, notes, photocopied sections from library books, I meticulously type away on one Word document after another. This semester is undeniably worse than my previous semester, in the context of assignments and projects. Having submitted four term papers and completed two mid-term tests, I've got nothing to show for my effort - I haven't got back a single script to at least show me where the hell I am standing, and/or what the hell I am doing. And I'm still ploughing away on my last two assignments due next Monday. These are really getting in the way of exam preparations. But somehow, I don't feel the impact of exams this semester. Rather, I just tag on to the mentality of 'getting it over and done with', just like army. This isn't good, I know.

I find it rather irritating to hear friends (not from my place of study) telling me "first year only, should be very relaxed man". Maybe they don't know that unlike days of yore, the system is such that every semester (and every module) counts, regardless of which fucking year you are in. In other words, the impending Degree hinges on every semester's results as they form the total average that determines how bright your light is at the end of the tunnel. CAP they call it in NUS - Cumulative Average Point. They don't call it cumulative for nothing. So think twice before you go tell the first year undergraduates to relax. And yes, I don't care if anyone sniggers behind my back as I use my school work as a reason to reject invitations to enjoy. 

Oh well, exams in a month's time, and it'll be the long summer vacation. Yes, summer vacation they call it, as it is akin to the States' colleges.

Before that, now.

A big thank you to everyone who remembered and bothered; you guys made this birthday of mine unforgettable. Not that there was any major large scale celebrations. Nor some happening party. It's little things like dinner and chilling out with people I'm comfortable with, which i relish. Once again, thank you. p.s i'm shifting out of Tabulas, and this shall be my last entry. how apt. Started on my birthday one year ago, and ending it now. I don't like the advertisements and the reduction of autonomy for free users here. Packing, and bye!

and so I turned 22

Canoe polo is fun. Canoeing in the swimming pool, passing the ball around and shooting it. I taking part in inter-faculty games. But I had a hard time getting used to the canoe - it is much smaller and lighter than the canoes I'm used to at Kallang. I saw that the IVP team members are very proficient and fit in this game (duh), and they were nice enough to guide us along.

I met the army guys again, for dinner at Seoul Garden. The usual guys' banter - army. I realised BMTC has even more new rules and restrictions. And ya, thank GOD (not literal) I'm hell out of there. I've no idea where our army is heading and do not wish to ponder anyway. It's nice to be in a familiar setting with the old friends, chattering away, catching up. These are the moments I cherish dearly as they are hard to come by.

And lastly, Chinese New Year today. Watched fireworks at the Esplanade last night, followed by a beer session at Paulaner Brauhaus, Millennia Walk. Was with Beven and some other Leopard Company ex-instructors. Paulaner Brauhas has an on-site brewery concept. Very unique, just that I felt the lights weren't dim enough and they closed at 2am, which is considered early! Plus they don't do the finger food anymore because we ordered rather late. We had the 1Litre mugs of its Munich Lager and Dark Beer, and man the mugs are indeed enormous! Ended the night at Chijmes. Not so much of a Chinese New Year celebration, but more of a good chance to chill once more, given the amount of public holidays! p.s Beven got quite high from the drinks.

Chinese New Year Eve

After attending the first tutorial session of SC2205 Sociology of Family, it dawned upon me that the 'family' is not just a social construct (how society makes us think what it is), but also that many of us do not get to enjoy the bliss of the typical family image that comes to mind when people first think about what the 'family' is.

To start the tutorial, we were supposed to introduce ourselves and give a snippet of what's interesting about our families, and I realised that the descriptions from all of us are indeed varying to a large extent. A girl's parents are in the midst of divorce. My friend's experiencing tremendous friction living with his stepfather. Some have parents favouring the guys (yes, even NOW) over the females in the family, leading to inequalities and discomfort. What happened to the vows these people made when they got married? Why these problems are not worked out henceforth result in such differences across the families in a single society? These problems may be scant or private enough to go unnoticed in society, but people come from families, and these people make up the society. So what kind of families we have in society will highly likely affect the people form this particular society.

That brings me back to my own family. I grew up in a very typical setting; father being the sole breadwinner, mother the homemaker. But this image was shattered one day and everything changed. I still do have a family, just that the structural arrangement is different now. That is the turning point of the route my family took.

Now we are having the festive season of Chinese New Year, and my mother was cleaning out some parts of the house. She called me over and what was shown to me were all the photographs taken when I was a kid. Those photos were put away somewhere and forgotten as we moved on in everyday life, if not for this cleaning instance, they will be left there. The pile of memories in print. Once more I saw my own life course. We celebrated birthdays happily, and we were all smiles in the picture. There were the weekly or fortnightly dining out in nice clothes. Yes, pictures of the socially constructed 'normal' family: a heterosexual couple with kids by the side. Across time, this image fails to sustain in my family. I can see that my mom was holding similar sentiments, and I felt rather sorry for her. She seemed tired of everything, as she has gone all out for this family, for her children, and that is really love to me. It is so unconditional. It has been a harsh path she took over the years, weathering the storms and odds.

I am rather detached from those memories now, however, the irony is that I felt pangs of nostalgia and bittersweetness as I flipped the pages of the photo albums. My brother and I are fortunate enough to grow up with the appropriate childhood socialisation, to differentiate what is right and wrong and to view self improvement as paramount to success in anything we do. With that foundation, we had no problems advancing the academic ladder as the driving force to succeed is embedded in our attitudes. However, we are not so blessed to maintain ourselves as a family that was before. Feelings are long gone now, and what's left between my parents is akin to what we get when we meet someone we hardly know on the streets. Nobody celebrates anything anymore, and we're all drawn to our own world and just supporting each other financially and partial-emotionally.

The pictures shall remain as sweet reminiscenes of my childhood. Something for me to laugh at and recollect memorable incidents. Of mere retrospective purposes.

And I can only tell myself they form the past which is, the present that was.

Shall We Dance? Catching the movie with the canoe peeps after school today.

Going to collect my Levi's at Takashimaya too. I realised that the Levi's store at Jurong Point is not under the same management as the ones in town. Learnt something new. Simply because I wanted to exchange a pair of jeans I purchased from Bugis's Levis, at Jurong Point, and was told that 'NO we cannot change for you, please go to those outlets u see on the paper bags' and that sent me off to Takashimaya just now.

Somehow I'm still not settled down for lessons proper. Tutorials are starting for me this week but procrastination seems to get the better of me. I feel tired and bored. Empty. By right I should be motivated to push up my CAP (Cumulative Average Point) since I already had a good head start. Somehow I just haven't woken up. Things have to take a turn for the better if not this semester I'll really be screwed, as the workload seems crazier than last semester.

Maybe it's Hari Raya Haji/Chinese New Year/Valentine's Day/my birthday/Good Friday semester. It's like the reason to celebrate and mugging seems to be the lamest thing to be done by anybody.

Or maybe it's just me. Too many things happened for the past few months. I need to bury myself with work before I start thinking excessive nonsense.

My last batch of recruits were commissioned as officers on Sunday, and I wish all well! Enjoy the army life as officers and hey, make good use of the 4-digit monthly allowance!

Looking forward to dinner/movie with them later. Yes, slacking again.

Why I said it's a fiasco:

1) T-shirts are not ready, I don't blame myself though;
2) the day started when our PFDs at Kallang got infested with ants - ecology got us;
3) lorry too small to transport all the canoes at one go from Kallang to Pasir Ris - machinery got us;
4) Bum boat arrived late, and proved quite unhelpful in the expedition - human support (the boatman) got us;
5) Participants fell out throughout the course and one even got admitted to hospital - our charges got us;
6) Did we really experience Ubin island? - psychology got us;
7) Choppy waves plus strong wind made for the law of diminishing returns (output significantly less than input)to set in - mother nature got us;
8) Inappropriate site for BBQ pit, and mind you, it's a CHANGED pit - so, location got us;
9) Everything that can go wrong, went wrong. The day ate us.

Actually, point (9) is key point. The central theme running through this post.

In return, we got back:

1) less than what was given in, or did we even get back anything? (and I'm talking about all dimensions, be it physical, psychological, mental, financial and anything else related to this fiasco)
2) sore aching muscles from perpetual paddling
3) burnt skin, what's new.

Nice one, from Boon Lerk: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.

Nonetheless, courtesy of Mao Jun, we got a set of pictures and since I compressed them into a single file to make for a faster loading time, the pictures are rather blur. I can still manage a placid smile.

The Ubin Fiasco!

Gosh I'm already 2 weeks into the semester and I've yet to gather any momemtum to keep up with school work.

There's Ubin Expedition, and Legs and Paddles going on for my canoeing. And I was (still am) immensely horrified to learn from someone that there's another expedition AFTER Legs and Paddles. Why are they so packed? Why must there be so many things? Aren't 2 events sufficient for a semester, or even more than enough? What the fuck? It seems more like I'm in school to do all these work and attending meetings than to simply focus on studying. Argh. I hate attempting to balance my work like this. I admit I'm a poor juggler and well, I opt NOT to change. It doesn't help when my job, which is T-shirt dealing, screwed up this time due to the damn quotations and delivery dates and so forth. Argh just screw everything!

I wish someone will call me to retrench me from the club. Someone ring me up to say : " Bon ah, it's either you resign now or we have to make you leave. We appreciate what you've done for us in the past, but have decided that you're no longer useful." I'll jump for joy and hug whoever is closest!

Anyway that's a fucking big fat hope, so, LIM KEAN BON you better get your act together and start mugging!

Spent Monday to Thursday planting my ass down in different lecture theatres (LTs) from the last semester. I prefer smaller LTs like what I'm having this semester because 1) they are newer and looks much more pleasant and comfortable than LT11 where I had almost all my lectures last sem 2) I can concentrate better as my attention span is not very credible, especially in Arts where so many people are flamboyantly dressed daily.

Besides this point, I guess it's the usual ramblings; buying textbooks, long queues, etc. Sometimes I feel that my blog is damn boring because most of the times when exciting or funny things happen I don't immediately think of 'blogging' them here. But well, I'm making an effort to keep it updated now. Alright, school sucks for me now, because I still have not gotten into the momemtum. I'm still in lalaland, slacking away totally oblivious to my surroundings.

Regarding my choice of modules, I'm pretty satisfied after attending all their first lectures. SC2205 Sociology of Family, the module which I initially thought sounded the most boring of all 5, turned out to be the most interesting and engaging one. The lecturer's great, and it's rather surprising that 80% of the students are girls. Is studying about Family Sociology more appealing to females? I know most of the cohort went to do Sociology of Deviance. But I chose Family due to knowing who's the lecturer. Shrugs.

The rest of my modules, still attend-able, if there's such a word. But I really want to bitch about projects. It's so difficult to do projects because every person in the faculty follows a different timetable and takes different modules, and to meet up and fruitfully discuss projects without someone having to leave early seems rather unattainable. Argh. Damn those modules which attach CA weightage to projects.

Bitching done, week 01's over. Got to clear my readings this weekend before they pile up like last semester. I re-watched Brotherhood on DVD and man, I still feel the same as I watched it in the theatre. The Korean War.