http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/ AppleOrchard's sanctuary to death + anger + hatred + death + hell = my sanctuary... en Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:33:00 +0000 my so called life... ]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1530771.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1530771.html Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:33:00 +0000 confusing? its been such a long time...

 

i duno wat made me decide or realize why i shud continue writing all those thoughts that is running into my head...

inis na inis ako.. thats one thing for sure...

 

anlabo...

 

am i being so blind?... 

or was it just my emotions... burst of my emotion?

 

i was thinking wat actualy happen the past few weeks? days?... nobody will understand wat am i talkin abt or wat am i tryin to say..

 

T!@$%(#$)%#$^ ksi e!!!!

 

ayoko sa lahat sinungaling!!!

INSENSITIVE!!!

 

naiinis nnmn ako!!!!

i hate myself when im like this...

i hate it so much when i feel like this..

 

sana i jst enjoy my nyt with my ofcmates and get drunk ol nyt

demet!

 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1505874.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1505874.html Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:13:46 +0000 depression... [the pain's unbearable. so much so that it stretches the very limits of the fabric of your sanity. questions that you know-not the answer to hounds every waking moment of your day. [i]"how could he do this to me?", "why? i thought he loved me", "if only i did that this wouldn't have happened". [/i] self-inflicted torture that you can't seem to live without [i]since[/i]. it leads to sleepless nights spent contemplating about how life changed so much in so little time. how, in a blink of an eye, you were so easily [i]replaced[/i] for someone he hardly even knew. an old and worn gasket that needed replacing, that's what you are. tears would trickle gently down your cheeks but you've already spent the last hour pathetically sobbing and weeping, ruining your favourite shirt in the process. your only companion is your best friend. on any day she would be out of the house barking at strangers and making the entire backyard his "territory", but not today, not when she could help the hand that fed her all these years. somehow, she knows that you are suffering and wouldn't leave your side. she, who can't even talk, seems to comfort you more than most people could. with her silence she tells you that the pain would pass, that everything would be okay. you're hurting inside in more ways that one. you haven't eaten in days. what started out as a slight discomfort in your stomach has slowly mutated into this terrible, ever-burning torment that's gnawing at your insides. you ignore what your body tells you as you. havent had enough sleep in a week and more. try to drown your sorrows thinking that the vices would help as you try to make sense of things. [i]"the pain could be replaced by another, perhaps this one would be easier to deal with"[/i], you repeat this to yourself over and over. it goes well with the million "what-if's" swimming in your head. ur heart starting to ache its difficult to breath like there is something that blocking it. but it reminds you that you're still alive....all u can feel about is pain... only but pain..
 
 

too painful that most people experience the pain of being left alone.
]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1263433.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1263433.html Thu, 10 Aug 2006 17:17:23 +0000 down moments.... andami ngyari... una gus2 ko mag apologize kay jobi nakaalis n sya ni nde ko man lang nagawang magsabi na ingat sa flight gudluck mamimiss ko sya...

nde ko alam halos wla na akong alam sa paligid ko.. patawad jobi kun mdami ako inilihim.. kun sinolo ko lahat pinili kong manahimik.... im realy sory...

 in time i will tell things... in time i will open up... ryt now... nde ko pa ksi kaya.. im realy sory...

 

i miss my frends... i miss everything... 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1262956.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1262956.html Wed, 09 Aug 2006 18:59:08 +0000 demet!  

magulo sobrang magulo...

kht ako nde ko na maintindihan sarili ko...

andami n nagbago n halos lahat ng pgbabago nde nakakabuti pero nde ko maintindihan bkt ako nagkakaganito...

masama dn loob ko alam ko mali pero those people that i trusted the most those people na kinonsider kong pinakamalapit sakin unti unti n dn nagbabago.... i know thier reasons why pero nde ko masabi pero kung sana mdami nlang ako pra wla ng magbago... pra wla nalang nasasaktan...

 

kht entry ko lahat magulo lahat nde ko maintindihan nde ko n maipaliwanag kung ano n b ako ano ba tingin ko sa sarili ko... nawawalan n dn ako ng self confidence... tangina! ayoko na magmura kht kelan pero nde ko mapigilan... gulong gulo nako.... 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1193056.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1193056.html Sun, 07 May 2006 17:48:10 +0000 ................................?  

 

the last few weeks nde ko maintindihan sarili ko

ksi nagkakasakit nnmn ako palagi

akala ko nga the past few days malulumpo ako

ndi ko ksi mailakad ng maayos mga paa at binti ko

dagdagan pa ng pananakit ng batok ko at spinal ko

sobrang stressed lan din cguro dahil bisi mga nakalipas n araw

madalas n din sumasakit batok ko at nahihilo

hindi ko alam kung highblood ksi imposible ksi kulang nga ako sa dugo

pero nde ko maintindihan bkt ganun

lagi nmn ako puyat o dahil sa sobrang puyat...

nde ko maiiwasan ksi may patay kmi.

my uncle died brother ng father ko

last march 13 if im not mistaken

ksi nun 27 lang dumating un bangkay from hawaii

he died coz of heart attack yesterday lan nauwi d2 sa pinas

kasi inayos pa ung mga papers para mauwi un bangkay 

ang mahal ng ginastos thousand $

kya ito lagi pagod at puyat pero ok lang nmn

kht mejo nde din okey pakiramdam ko lately

at mejo nde din maayos un emotions ko lately

coz of some shitty things...

anyways kelangan ko n pla matulog demshet

maaga pako aalis later...

kpag sinipag ult ako mag aupdate ult ako ng blogs.

 

 

 < i scream in silence >

 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1162226.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1162226.html Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:43:29 +0000 magulong entry...wlang direksyon! after ilan buwan naisipan ko nlang bigla maglagay ng bagong entry dito sa blogs ko...

reason ko lang nmn talaga before kya ako gumawa ng blog ksi wla ako mapaglabasan ng sama ng loob ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko pakiramdam ko dati mababaliw na ako na para akong bulkan n bigla nlang sasabog at kapag sumabog nde ko n alam kun san ako tutungo at anong pa magiging dereksyon ng buhay ko..

bkt nga ba talaga ako bigla nawala... madaming dahilan...

mga dati pang problema na hanggang ngayun nde ako nilulubayan.

napakaraming nangyari.. nde ko alam kung ano dapat kung unahin kung anong dapat ko gawen...pakiramdam ko mababaliw nko.

nde ko dn alam ano nararamdaman ko  gus2 ko magsaya maging masaya nde ko magawa! gus2 kong magising isang araw n ung mga taong nanggugulo at sinisira buhay ko mawala n at magsawa na. gusto ko na maranasan nmn isang araw ng nde ako umiiyak at nasasaktan...

pero sa ngayun isa lang un nangingibabaw sakin nagagalit ako.. dahil naubos na ang pasensya ko... 

 

 

 

<alam ko ksi may babasa ng entry ko avid fan(kuno!) ang blog ko na nagemail pa sakin kilala nya kun cno sya pra sa knya tong words of wisdom ko pra sa lahat ng mga text fonecalls at lahat ng mga ginawa nyo!> 

words of wisdom!

*bato bato sa langit tamaan guilty!

*" madali pra sa taong magsabi ang magsabi ng sory pero sabihin ito ng totoo sa sarili nde ko alam... sorry napakasimpleng salita sa ibang may paninindigan at totoo mahirap pro sa taong cnungaling at wlang pakialam sa kapwa napakadali kht isang daan o isang libong beses sabihin okey lang"

*ang sory prang tiwala pnaghihirapan!

*ang humihingi ng tawad binabagabag ng kunsensya! meron k ba?!

*ang mga cnungaling ipinanganak ng cnungaling! dagdagan mo p ng manloloko! mana mana lang yan!

*pero may karma! karma karma lang din yan!

*wag mangarap ng nde nmn dapat! asa ka pa!

*kung tanga sya noon nde n ngayun!

*ang buhay prang gulong! noon ikaw ang panalo pero ngayun ikaw ang mukang gago natarantado sa sariling panggagago!

 

 

<i scream in silence>

<wats inside my mind its a surprise!>

 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1162221.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1162221.html Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:32:05 +0000 magulong mundo... napakagulo ng mundo

masalimuot!

puno ng problema!

 

 

tama n ang mga masasamang panaginip! 

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1046889.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1046889.html Tue, 08 Nov 2005 02:40:17 +0000 ang pagpapaliwanag ng isang bitch! LOOOL conversation started this way she asked for her acces to be back acces sa channel (sa mga nag a-irc they know what acces means...) unfortunately nde ko pde ibalik ksi limited na nga un op access she thought that i take everythin personally jst bec galit ako sa knya... nde ako galit i jst dont like her... masama bang magpakatotoo nde ko sya gus2 e... i dnt realy feel like talkin to her not only jst a perosnal reasons at all ayoko sa ugali at pagkatao nya. so ayun nagmassage sya naputol ksi un umpisa ng conversation thats why ganyan na un umpisa sinagot ko lan na sya un nagteteks sa biep ko ryt after me an my biep broke up...tellin that cla nlan dalawa bec. wla na kmi.. to think that b4 kinakausap nya pa ako askin me on how's me and my biep goin on...

<chick_no_nick> huh?
+------Start-Whois------+
TimeDate : 12:24:15 19/07/2005
Nick : chick_no_nick
Address : ~chick_no_@210.213.142.238
Name : ....
Channel : @#tenebres #death-metal +#filipinometal #nu107
Server : mesra.kl.my.dal.net Jaring DALnet Client Server
Registered : chick_no_nick has identified for this nick
Idle Time : 1sec
Sign on Time : Tue Jul 19 11:44:27 2005
Online : 39mins 48secs
+------End-Whois------+
<chick_no_nick> ako?
<chick_no_nick> damn
<chick_no_nick> ehh sya nga nagtetext sakin ehhh
<chick_no_nick> yung gagang jovell ang nasabe sayo
<ako> come on
<ako> jane
<chick_no_nick> ano
<ako> nagteteks c alvin sayo?
<chick_no_nick> paaminin mo ako n nakakalat ako ng balkita
<ako> or ikw ang nagteteks sa knya
<chick_no_nick> nabasa kaya ng mga kasama ko sa bahay yun
<chick_no_nick> na kilala din c alvin
<chick_no_nick> lolz
<chick_no_nick> huwaaaaa
<ako> ikw pa nagsabi na kayo nlan bec wla n kmi
<chick_no_nick> oo kinakamusta ko sya klasi alin sya sa operation nun
<chick_no_nick> nnatural lng cguro kamustahin ko yung tao matagal ko ng friend si alvin
<ako> yeah ryt
<chick_no_nick> huwaaaaaaaaaa
<chick_no_nick> gagu pala sya ehhh
<chick_no_nick> talaga ako may sabe?...
<ako> den say it to him
<ako> who else anyway?
<ako> ako?
<chick_no_nick> ehh ask ko nga ikaw sa kanya ehh

<ako> funny
<chick_no_nick> sabe nya lana na
<chick_no_nick> tapos sabe nya gusto mo tayo nlng
<chick_no_nick> lolz
<chick_no_nick> ganito kasi yun kinamusta ko lng sya nun
<chick_no_nick> tapos ask kita kung kamusta kn
<ako> then u started makin stories or rather tellin other ppol that he' courtin u
<chick_no_nick> den sabe nya ala keo
<chick_no_nick> den ask ko sya cno f nya
<chick_no_nick> sabe nya wala
<chick_no_nick> tapos ask nya ako if pede ako nlg
<chick_no_nick> ano ba hindi naman ako aga no!
<chick_no_nick> alam ko naman na biruan lang yun
<chick_no_nick> huwaaaaaaaaaa
<chick_no_nick> ako? lolz
<chick_no_nick> in the first place alam ko naman na biruan lang yun bat ko sasabihian sa iba
<chick_no_nick> lozl
<chick_no_nick> huwaaaaaaaaaa
<ako> bkt nga ba?
<ako> bkt sakin mo tatanong
<ako> why dnt u ask urself
<chick_no_nick> oo nasabe ko k jovel un pero sabe ko  anun talaga c alvin
<chick_no_nick> ganun kami mabiruan
<chick_no_nick> magcharingan
<chick_no_nick> and duh! may  bf ako!
<ako> and so?
<chick_no_nick> kasi
<chick_no_nick> iba ang ibig sanbihin nun sa ibang tao
<chick_no_nick> sila n yung nabigay ng ibang ibig sabihin nun
<ako> cla ba?
<chick_no_nick> sakin al;am ko biruan lng yun
<ako> i duno..
<ako> loool
<chick_no_nick> watever!
<chick_no_nick> lolz...
<chick_no_nick> anyways

<chick_no_nick> kayo naman n ni alvin db
<ako> and so?
<ako> anu nmn sayo?
<ako> gus2 mo sayo na?
<chick_no_nick> u dont have to be rude!
<ako> amd i bein rude?
<chick_no_nick> huh!
<chick_no_nick> haller
<chick_no_nick> natatwa ako
<ako> am*
<chick_no_nick> grabe
<ako> nde lan ako plastik sory
<chick_no_nick> ok
<chick_no_nick> sabe mo ehh
<chick_no_nick> lalo naman ako
<ako> ikw?
<ako> ewan
<chick_no_nick> sa  dame  n na ma taong nakilala ko na pinlastik ako
<chick_no_nick> hahaha
<ako> loool
<ako> nakakatawa ka
<chick_no_nick> akoewan
<chick_no_nick> di mo p namna ako kilala ehhh
<ako> sana nga
<ako> nde
<ako> looool
<chick_no_nick> basta ako kahit sabihin ko n hindi ako plastik maniniwala kb
<chick_no_nick> syempre hindi
<ako> at i dnt even need to know u better
<chick_no_nick> db?...
<chick_no_nick> lolz
<ako> and*
<chick_no_nick> well di ko rin naman ikaw pagaaksayahan ehhh
<ako> loool
<chick_no_nick> kung ayaw mo maniwala fine with me
<chick_no_nick> the hell i care

<ako> loool
<ako> the hell u care?
<ako> so why keep on explainin ur side?
<ako> did i even ask about it?
<ako> i never!
<ako> u jst insist
<chick_no_nick> hmmm ewan
<chick_no_nick> di mo tinanong
<ako> cleanin up urself for somethin
<chick_no_nick> kasi ako an naiipit sa kaagwan ng bf mo
<chick_no_nick> well di naman ako galit ehh
<ako> kagagawan nga ba?
<ako> i duno..
<chick_no_nick> lalo n sa bf mo kasi frend ko yun
<ako> and so?
<chick_no_nick> alam ko n biruan lang yun
<chick_no_nick> errrrr
<chick_no_nick> ma?...
<ako> he never consider u to be his frend anyway
<chick_no_nick> lolz
<chick_no_nick> ok
<chick_no_nick> sabe nya ehhh
<chick_no_nick> fine
<chick_no_nick> then?... ano pa?....
<chick_no_nick> lolz
<ako> ikw lan nmn salita ng salita dyan e
<chick_no_nick> natatawa ko
<ako> then ur tellin me ano pa
<chick_no_nick> ok
<chick_no_nick> ce bye na
<chick_no_nick> cge bye na
<ako> ok

*** im not even interested listening to her explanation... its been a past issue that all started from her  yeah from her why did i say those hmmnnn ksi sa knya nmn talaga nagsimula sabi sabi sya ng things which are definitely not true... if she keeps on standing in my way sayin all this fuzzy things that is so annoying jst a bitch slap is all what she can have from me... meanin to say i dnt have time for shitty things... how can i ever believe such a bitch girl like her?... duh! gimme a break! get lost!

]]> http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/932045.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/932045.html Tue, 19 Jul 2005 04:54:57 +0000 http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1267183.html http://tabulas.com/~AppleOrchard/1267183.html Wed, 16 Aug 2006 17:11:29 +0000